If you never worked again, would your mental health suffer?

[EmptySpacess]

Currently a SAHM to a young child, and thought about continuing to be when they go to school. But I'm now thinking perhaps it's not all it's cracked up to be. Personally if I have too much free time on my hands, my mind starts doing overtime and I can have lots of negative thoughts. I'm now thinking it's probably best to keep very busy. Is this just me or are many people like this? They say an idle mind is the devils playground. And yes I know you can fill your time doing things but everyone else would be working, so you would be on your own a lot.

Depends how much money I have. I hate having to go to work, but I'd equally hate being stuck at home every day not able to afford doing much other than scroll social media.

My mum never worked again after my bother was born, we're grown now and my dad died and she's alone and in a bad way. I think having a daily purpose and colleagues would have been good for her.

I personally would have to do something but small projects that my might get bigger not a job. I can also happily wander and craft and fill a day if I don't have the kids whining at me.

Yes, unless I was a carefree lottery winner. If I was a SAHM on a budget while my husband got to go and work and do stuff for himself I'd find it a drudge. I enjoy working and earning.

Drudge is the right word 😢

No!!!! 😂

I guess if you don't have any interests, hobbies, places you have always wanted to visit, friends and can't face having the odd lie in and an afternoon reading in the sun...I guess you would struggle yes! But otherwise of course not, leisure time is a priceless gift these days, we are all time poor!

You would think it would be the opposite for your mother. You would think she would have lots of friends to rely on as she had the time to invest in great friendships and a selection of incredible absorbing hobbies and interests as she had time to develop them. If she wasted her life just 'serving' your father then that is different.

Me I would be travelling constantly and seeing the world if I was older and had the space in my life to take off!! I would be back twice a year laden with trinkets!! :)

Nope. I'm 59, I'd go tomorrow if I could but school fees and mortgage will last another 3 years.

That relies on your friends also being out of work surely?

I have loads of friends and a very active social life in the evenings and weekends

But all my friends work, if I was out of work I'd be bored shitless in the day. I'm used to a very mentally challenging and enjoyable job, I could feel my brain dying after 6 months of Mat leave so definitely couldn't give up work forever without it impacting my mental health or ability to think!

If you have lots of non working friends in the same stage of life that's great, usually what happens when people retire - it's not shit because most of your friends or peers will also be retiring.

No mine would improve massively.

I personally do have lots of friends that are SAHP but accepted if everyone else is working that might be harder. I guess you would go to Pilates classes and different courses and meet new friends that also have the same luxury as you no?
Depends on your age. If you are older many friends certainly won't have time or the energy to meet up in the evenings and weekends after working all week.
Most SAHP with older children tend to do voluntary work, have enjoyable small scale craft based businesses and/or study, the beauty is that you can pick and choose the hours and length.

My mental health would improve massively if I didn't need to work to survive.

If you meant would my mental health suffer if I needed to work but couldn't, then yes it would. But mainly because I wasn't financially secure so there would be the worry about that. But if I could choose not to work but had a way to maintain my currently lifestyle, hell that would be an indescribable improvement.

I am happily retired at 58, but I could not have stayed at home when DS was young, I memorably had a ten hour a week job that actually cost me money, between petrol and parking and the CM, but on the back of doing a few hours but constantly when DS started school I strolled into a job in my field close to home for the hours I wanted because there were no gaps in my CV and my qualifications were and knowledge were still up to date.

Mmm.

I worked full time and it was hard and stressful but ultimately fulfilling and I was proud of what I achieved. I was wracked with guilt for missing things and sometimes resentful of missing out on my kids but for me I think it was the right thing.

At the same tine I remember my GP saying that many SAHM women in my area were on anti depressants (something borne out by my SAHM friends ). These women were all generally intelligent, educated people who'd had high powered jobs before stopping (mainly because DHs jobs were so all encompassing that 2 parents working made no sense). Many of them seemed to be like (rich!) single parents for the most part. That's so hard and isolating.

As with all things I think balance is important and as your children change and grow they and you will need different things so be prepared for you and your partner to flex and change.

Whatever you decide the domestic support arrangements are crucial. If you end up working and doing all domestics then you'll break. You need a solid shared arrangement, including mental load (like remembering birthdays and planning for Christmas and social events).

My advice would be to look into your heart and listen to what it says. Don't worry what people think of you or what you "should" do. Do what feels right snd keep it under review and change /tweak if you need to.

Having kids is wonderful but don't lose yourself entirely.

My kids are big now and proud of what I've achieved, and they have fed off my drive and energy. Plus they enjoyed the logistics of having nice holidays and secure housing. But it wasn't perfect snd I missed out on quite a bit in sacrifice of that.

Long response but hope it helps. Summary :there are no easy answers. Follow your heart and review regularly. Do it in partnership. Relax as much as you can.

I could do fine without paid work, but not without a regular activity to get me out of the house and give me a sense of meaning by contributing to the wider community. As it is, I need the money so I go to work!
I always advise young mums to go back to work after maternity leave - if you don't like it, you can always leave your job after a few months.

Everybody is different, I went back to work out of sheer boredom. Other friends are completely happy looking after grandchildren, playing golf, going to art classes ect personally I needed meaningful and purposeful activity and to still feel like I'm useful to other people.

No, mine would massively improve, less stress would really help.

That's a bit unusual imo.

My parents and all their friends are retired and they're practically never home! Always out at various classes, meals, weekends away, book groups, coffee mornings, hobbies etc.

The only retired people I know who sit at home doing nothing are those who don't want to go out anyway, or those who physically can't go out.

No. I only work part-time and it still gets in the way of all the things I want to do.

I am child-free though.

Hate being (mostly) a SAHM. I do some work for DH's work (extra admin at peak times plus random projects) and life is so much better when I'm not just being mum.

Doesn't help that my older kid is a stroppy opinionated little moo who wants to control everything (age 7) so being a SAHM is pretty thankless. If I could get a job that actually made more than childcare/travel would cost, I'd be working full time!

Whenever I don't have a job I wish I had one, then I get one and wish I hadn't bothered!

Came here to post the same.

I'm 60 and I know I'd go quietly insane if I didn't work full time.
I'll be retiring in 7 years from the NHS so I'm already planning my retirement working career which is bookbinding.

Yes. I had too long out of the work place when I had my children and am so glad I got back to work. I don't plan to retire until I'm 67 and then I will try my best to find something else (paid) to do.

I can't stand housework, baking or crafting so the days are long without home-based hobbies like these.

Yes. I would go crazy. I work part time and that's enough to keep me going and the contrast between my working/non-working days means I get more enjoyment out of each.

100% For a whole raft of reasons. Mostly not having intelligent conversation and challenging my brain but also feeling pride in contributing to society, paying my way, maintaining independence and not needing to sponge off the government/tax payers and/or a partner. I cannot think of anything worse than a life of brain dead domestic chores set against a background of the teletubbies whilst waiting for someone to hand me some cash to fund my life. Relying on others for money would break me.