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AIBU?

To ask which number of children you found hardest?

105 replies

obsessedwithsleep · 15/09/2022 08:44

I haven't explained myself very clearly in the title as I didn't know how to phrase it.

Basically, which transition did you find hardest? Was it going from no children to one, one to two or two to three?

Or more!

OP posts:
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Ringmaster27 · 15/09/2022 12:08

Going from none to one was way more of a shock than I expected.
But going from 1-2 was way harder than going from 2-3.
I figure that once I was used to juggling 2 children, one more wasn’t all that different.

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grey12 · 15/09/2022 12:10

obsessedwithsleep · 15/09/2022 11:55

Thanks everyone. We're contemplating a third so we'd have a 4.5yo, just 3yo and then a newborn.

I think like everyone says - a lot of it is down to luck and personality type and, of course, sleep!

Done that!! If you really want to then just go for it!!

But it's not like 1 to 2. Not at all!!!

You have 2 hands not 3 to hold them crossing the road, you have 2 legs not 3 to have them all on your lap. Your oldest will have to grow quickly........

Cars...... most don't fit 3 carseats. VW Sharan is my pick 😉 and when it when for repair it was sooooo difficult to get a decent replacement car........ I was driving a HUGE 9 seater for a week 😅

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PumpkinGhoul · 15/09/2022 12:32

One to two for me still hard work less than 2 year gap with them.
Just can be very stressful at times.

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obsessedwithsleep · 15/09/2022 12:32

grey12 · 15/09/2022 12:10

Done that!! If you really want to then just go for it!!

But it's not like 1 to 2. Not at all!!!

You have 2 hands not 3 to hold them crossing the road, you have 2 legs not 3 to have them all on your lap. Your oldest will have to grow quickly........

Cars...... most don't fit 3 carseats. VW Sharan is my pick 😉 and when it when for repair it was sooooo difficult to get a decent replacement car........ I was driving a HUGE 9 seater for a week 😅

And do you think that your firstborn suffered because of that? I'm from a huge family so don't really get the dynamics of 3!

OP posts:
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user443741922 · 15/09/2022 12:33

None to one!
Completely changes your lifestyle and day to day life.

One to two just increases the work load. Depending on the age range though. Mine are very close in age and it's been great

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Lapland123 · 15/09/2022 12:34

2 to 3

then 0 to 1

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obsessedwithsleep · 15/09/2022 12:34

Kissingfrogs25 · 15/09/2022 11:59

Can you afford a third?
Are you financially very comfortable and secure even from an unseen development?
Do you have plenty of back up support in case you are ill/out of action?
Are you happy to sacrifice hobbies/down time etc for another two years?

I don't know how much we need to afford a third. Our combined salary is £160k. We have 6 months savings and a manageable mortgage.

We have some support but not loads but not sure that's too different from 2 or 3.

Don't mind about tiredness and lack of me time.

OP posts:
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AryaStarkWolf · 15/09/2022 12:36

0-1 obviously, I doubt anyone could really think any different unless in really extreme circumstances. You're literally going from only having to look after yourself, being able to be spontaneous, etc to having to think and plan nearly every move you make

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TildaRae · 15/09/2022 12:40

0-1 definitely harder than 1-2.

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Marynotsocontrary · 15/09/2022 13:15

AryaStarkWolf · 15/09/2022 12:36

0-1 obviously, I doubt anyone could really think any different unless in really extreme circumstances. You're literally going from only having to look after yourself, being able to be spontaneous, etc to having to think and plan nearly every move you make

But lots of people here have said they feel differently and have found going from 1 to 2 harder (as I did) or from 2 to 3 harder. Clearly it's not that obvious.

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NCFT0922 · 15/09/2022 13:26

@AryaStarkWolf I don’t think it’s obvious at all. I personally didn’t find anything difficult about having my first child.

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FrozenGhost · 15/09/2022 13:47

I've only got two but I'd say the biggest lifestyle change wasn't either of their births, it was when dc1 learned to walk. Before that, it was me and dc in the pram going around wherever I wanted, eg, shopping, art gallery, walk with friend. After, it was us going wherever he wanted - mostly the park or soft play.

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abovedecknotbelow · 15/09/2022 13:49

None to two!

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ScavengerHunt · 15/09/2022 13:50

As another who found 0-1 easy, I don't think that's obvious either @AryaStarkWolf! No extreme circumstances and our first wasn't an 'easy' baby (terrible sleeper/refused to be put down/colic).

OP, I found 2-3 physically very tough because my hormones went a bit haywire and also because my third was (another) awful sleeper, but this time I had to be up and doing the nursery run instead of having a snuggly morning in bed. I was so, SO tired that first year! But my goodness it has been worth it. He's in preschool himself now and my older two now always ask for a 'new baby'... we are done but I would love a fourth really.

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FourOclock · 15/09/2022 13:59

OP we ummed and ahhed for ages about a third, but ultimately I think the thing that decided it for us was knowing we had enough in savings to hire temporary help if things got really hard - obviously I'm still pregnant with number three so can't really offer any wisdom on parenting three, but it sounds as though you are financially comfortable which I think is a big help. We also waited until the other two were at preschool so I wasn't juggling all three every single day (DH works seven days). People always go on about cars being a reason not to have more than two which I do not get at all, we bought a 7 seater when we only had one DC because I can't be doing with boot Tetris every time we want to go out and it really is not that different to a normal car - I hate tiny cars!

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Aus84 · 15/09/2022 14:06

2-3.
I found none to one easy as I was early twenties and probably not as set in my ways as I am now at 38. I was more adaptable to open to change. 2-3 was hard as there are only two adults so we were suddenly outnumbered. I’m expecting my 4th now but feel much more experienced and relaxed about parenting so hopefully it’s not too much of a shock.

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FilthyforFirth · 15/09/2022 14:18

1-2 100% for me. I think in part because my first was so easy and my 2nd so so difficult. But there is no downtime, one parent always has something else to do. With just one, there is the occassional break.

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cultkid · 15/09/2022 14:22

One to two

I have three

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GreenLeavesRustling · 15/09/2022 14:25

None to two (twins)

two to three was an absolute doddle for us, but the twins were four by then so they were helpful!

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a647gjf · 15/09/2022 16:29

One to two. However there was only a 14 month age gap between my two so it was brutal

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grey12 · 18/09/2022 08:06

And do you think that your firstborn suffered because of that? I'm from a huge family so don't really get the dynamics of 3!

@obsessedwithsleep I don't think she's suffered. It's more like your style of parenting will change. I would bet you wouldn't let your 4yo cross a busy street without holding their hand 🤷🏻‍♀️ with more children you sometimes have to let go of that idea that you are mother hen and you have to protect them all the time.

Both are good parenting! Don't get me wrong!! Whatever my eldest loses in private time with me she wins with time with her little sister. She's so good with her. It's great development for her as her 😉

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Tumbleweed101 · 18/09/2022 08:55

I have four. None to one was by far the hardest. I was only 22yo and never even held a small baby when my son was born. The next hardest was two to three but there was a fairly big age gap between the second and third - 5.5 years - so had just moved on from baby and toddler stage. There was two years between my first and second and although hard work because they were both small they were in the same baby/toddler/preschool phase.

Currently I feel I had one too many. I love my last born and wouldn't be without her but I am totally done with school stuff and having to see another child through it all again. Can't help but thinking I'd be child free now if I'd stuck with three! She is in Y9 so not long to go really but seems forever too! Once she is grown up then I will have some freedom back. I've been a single parent since she was 2yo so hadn't signed up to do it all alone when she was born.

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grey12 · 18/09/2022 10:10

Yeah! @Tumbleweed101 has a point. It also has a lot to do with your present life. I found 3 was too many because of living conditions, I wasn't doing too well with 2, 3 was over the edge for me. (I thought my situation was going to improve and then it didn't as quick as I had hoped. And sometimes I wished I had more freedoms....)

However I must tell you that from what I've heard, regretting NOT having a child is more difficult than regretting having...... as challenging as it can be, in the end of the day they do bring you joy.

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AmberEars · 18/09/2022 17:06

Good point from @Tumbleweed101 that it's not just when they're babies that it's hard. Mine are teens now and my life would be a lot easier now if I'd stopped at 2. Not because the youngest is the hardest, but just because three teens is hard!

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InstantMagic · 18/09/2022 17:12

None to one. I found it very tough.

1-2 was a breeze in comparison.

I stopped there!

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