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AIBU?

To ask which number of children you found hardest?

105 replies

obsessedwithsleep · 15/09/2022 08:44

I haven't explained myself very clearly in the title as I didn't know how to phrase it.

Basically, which transition did you find hardest? Was it going from no children to one, one to two or two to three?

Or more!

OP posts:
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DSGR · 15/09/2022 09:23

1-2, small age gap and meeting both their needs was so hard. 2-3 has been a doddle

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maiafawnly · 15/09/2022 09:27

2-3. Not enough hands and my 3rd was the hardest baby.

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Tibtab · 15/09/2022 09:28

One to two, it’s draining and all consuming. They don’t sleep at the same time so I never get a break. My husband and I barely spend any time together as we’re both so tired. I’ve got a toddler who keeps having tantrums and a 10 month old who is learning to walk and can’t be left alone for a second. All I want to do is cry and sleep.

With just one, yes life is different but there were breaks.

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wandawaves · 15/09/2022 09:30

2 to 3. Nightmare.

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marvellousmaple · 15/09/2022 09:31

All easy but I had 3 year gaps between my first 3.

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georgarina · 15/09/2022 09:31

None to one. That changes your entire life. After that it's really just adding to the routine.

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penneforyourthoughts · 15/09/2022 09:35

I felt my entire world had changed going from none to one. Like absolutely everything felt different. I didn't get that same feeling going from one to two. Our second baby slotted in to our routine better than I may have feared.

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MaryShelley1818 · 15/09/2022 09:39

Another voice to add to the 0-1!
It absolutely floored me, totally changed my life. I had horrendous PND and struggled for at least the first 18mths.
1-2 was so easy in comparison, everything you learn the first time helps with any anxiety...you know all the hard and tricky bits will pass, you know about teething signs, you know about post viral rashes and HFM. It can be tricky juggling two but you're already a parent and have at least some stuff figured out.

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NCFT0922 · 15/09/2022 09:40

I found 1-2 the biggest change, not difficult but just different. Soon to be going from 3-4 so will see how that goes but found 2-3 really straight forward.

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glittereyelash · 15/09/2022 09:41

I find having one so difficult I'm not having anymore. It is getting a bit easier now he's nearly four but the the baby years were so hard I could never do it again.

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honeylulu · 15/09/2022 09:43

None to one - everything changed so much! I felt like I was living someone else's life!

One to two was a doddle as the infrastructure was in place and I was a confident parent by then. BUT there is a large age gap between them so I never had to do the baby and toddler at the same time and my eldest was really helpful as well as able to do stuff for himself. I only have two so no idea what two to three or more would have been like.

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curious79 · 15/09/2022 09:46

So some scientists have done some work for you already:
Single children are happiest in life but complain the most about lack of siblings (I have a DD and can confirm the complaining, plus I find her very stressful at times so my experience is 1 is stressful)
3 is most difficult / stressful as, in a trad set up, you can no longer pass one child to each parent
4 is by contrast less stressful as parents give up / loosen up, let them fight it out / play

Obviously, 1 very difficult child (for whatever reason) will be more stressful than 5 chilled personalities.

Life....

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BlackandJello · 15/09/2022 09:46

2 to 3 for me.

But then I had a 5 year age gap between 1 and 2 and only 19 months between 2 and 3.

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fuckwhatshouldido · 15/09/2022 09:47

0-1 - really hard but also lovely
1-2 absolute breeze (4yr age gap)
2-3 - nightmarish (20 month age gap)
DP also has 3 so went from 3-6 but they’re all past baby/toddler stage so it’s been a doddle, no harder than 3 (we have his ADHD 10 year old full time and 14yo and 6yo 50/50) - love it actually, it’s mad but 3 seems too quiet now! Thinking we might go for another so I’ll keep you posted on what it’s like from 6-7 🤣

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Kissingfrogs25 · 15/09/2022 09:52

None to one

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Kissingfrogs25 · 15/09/2022 09:57

I found having two easy.
Didn't want to risk a third as we were happy with four as a family unit and we thought more children would tip us over the edge.

I am glad we stopped given what happened after that with my health, dh's jobs, parents dying. I had no idea what was coming down the track and will always advise my dc to evaluate how they will manage multiple children in worst case scenarios - for me and my friends that the worst case scenario happened to most of us in different ways. Divorce, death and job loss etc.

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Gistbury · 15/09/2022 09:58

0-1 without a doubt. It was a huge lifestyle change for me. I went from socialising all of the time, enjoying a fulfilling work life and pretty much doing what I want. My husband and I enjoyed a lot of rest and dining out etc. Needless to say all this changed with the arrival of our little boy and I struggled to adjust initially. Once I had adjusted and thrown myself into our new way of living adding to the crew didn't seem as much of an adjustment. We've got 3 gorgeous children now and fully embrace family life (although also looking forward to some freedom in a few years too!)

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Marynotsocontrary · 15/09/2022 09:59

I definitely found one to two the hardest! I had read some book that said none to one was the hardest it would ever get, as your life changes so much with the arrival of a baby. And this was obviously true for the author, but it really, really wasn't true for me and I was a bit shocked by that. I was an older first time mother and, while I found having one a big change of course, I was ready for it and got lots of downtime while I was breastfeeding or while DC1 was napping.

Having DC2, when DC1 was a toddler, changed things. I felt I was letting both of them down as I had to split my time between them. So one would be crying and I'd have to more or less ignore while I finished changing a nappy or had the other in a bath or whatever. I found that extremely difficult at first. But, got used to juggling in time, as you do, and going from two to three wasn't nearly as hard.

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GoneWithTheWine1 · 15/09/2022 10:01

0 to 1. 1 to 2 was easy as pie.

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oceanskye · 15/09/2022 10:07

0 to 1 was by far the hardest as it changed my whole life. 1 to 2 was easy my 2nd son just slotted into the routine I already had going.

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FourTeaFallOut · 15/09/2022 10:10

0-1 was the biggest learning curve. 1-2 and 2-3 was a piece of cake.

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catsandkid · 15/09/2022 10:17

None to 1 was HARD.

1-2 didn't really feel much different...

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sóh₂wl̥ · 15/09/2022 10:18

0-1 biggest life change and learning curve.

Then 1-2 possibly because they were so close and learning to juggle different needs/demands. 2-3 didn't seem bad at all but age gaps and personalities must play a role in all this.

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Talkingmouse · 15/09/2022 10:23

From 2 to 3

For the first we were super excited. The second was a really easy baby; chilled and slept through from 6 weeks . The 3rd is 7 years old and still hasn’t slept through once 🙃. It is all about their, and your, sleep.

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Gettissuesgotissues · 15/09/2022 10:25

0 to 1, no. 3 is 4 weeks, so that may change in time!

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