AIBU to expect DH to keep DS awake?

[Chessboardcheese]

DH has DS(3yo) on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 4pm to 6pm. Bedtime is at 7pm. The first day of this arrangement was Friday because that was DS’s first day back at nursery after the summer holidays - so DH has had him 3 times so far. If DS sleeps during the day (especially later in the day) then he won’t go to sleep at bedtime. If he has bedtime at 4pm then he’ll wake up around 3am and not go back down.

Each time, I’ve asked DH not to let DS fall asleep because it messes up bedtime or overnight. Each time, DH has let him fall asleep. He’s always asleep when I see him at 6pm. He’s then in a really shitty mood from being woken up - so the only time I see him, he’s miserable. DH insists he can’t keep him awake. I’ve made multiple suggestions on how to keep him entertained but DH admits he hasn’t even tried them - his only efforts are to try and wake DS once he’s already asleep and then gives up because DS is grumpy and a deep sleeper.

AIBU to expect that DH should be able to get DS to stay awake, reasonably happy and preferably fed for two hours three times a week?

I also asked him to pick up dishwasher tablets because when I did the big shop on Sunday he told me he’d checked and we had loads. He’d confused the dishwasher tablets with laundry pods. He forgot to pick up the dishwasher tablets today even though he was in the supermarket on his lunch break.

YANBU - It’s hard to keep them awake at that time but it’s only a couple more hours until bedtime and so worth it to get through them! He should be keeping a close eye. I have this problem most days with my 3yr old but it’s on me to keep him up, if he’s starting to nod off I become the ‘tickle monster’ as it’s the only thing that works.

Thank you! I understand it’s not easy (I do it the other days of the week) but it’s not as impossible as DH is making out.

It's tough the problem is it is not a problem for dh because your the one doing bed time. Any way you can re jig his hours?

If he is able to fall asleep for the night at 4pm, then he is clearly tired. I think you're being unfair on DC to force him to stay awake until 7pm if he is that tired.

Who gets up with DC at 3am? I'd just crack on but DH gets up with him at 3am.

Is this a new thing? Has DH never looked after your child prior to this.

I agree with this.

If dh can't keep him awake - he can't. But he has to rise at 3am with him.

Is he awake very early in the morning and is he falling asleep at home or in the car? It's unusual for a 3 year old to not only need a nap but need it so badly it's hard to keep them awake, especially given he has a relatively early (sensible) bedtime. If he nods off in the car that's trickier.

Sounds like your DH needs to start doing bedtime and getting up at 3am when he wakes. I’m sure he’ll quickly learn methods of keeping DS awake in the evening

Agree with all pps, you need to make DH face the consequences so he can do bedtime and he can get up at 3am.

Keeping a small child awake for three hours sounds like torture all round. When's he napping? I found the more sleep mine had, the more they slept if that makes sense? I mean, no one wants to be up at 3am, but perhaps there's an alternative tweak possible?

5 pm ish til bedtime can be HARD but you have to push through. I’d be really annoyed at him letting him sleep for an easy life when it has a negative impact on all of you later on

If you manage it the other days then yes dad should keep awake

assume he is at your house as not an ex so if ds is that tired can’t you bring bed time to 6 instead of 7

Iv so many photos of mine asleep in random places after dinner when they were nursery age. Literally I'd put a cup in kitchen and they would be asleep on stairs
Perhaps bedtime needs to be nearer 6pm or a nap after nursery and then later bedtime

Send him back out for dishwasher tablets or he can wash up.
Echo pp make him get up with som. Lazy bugger.

Your (not so darling) husband is lazy. Yes it’s hard to keep the kids awake before bedtime but if he could find something stimulating to do with your son, he would be able to keep him up until bedtime.

Your husband just wants to relax and do nothing essentially until you come home.

This is why I’m single, my exH used to do the same with my LO and it drove me bonkers- as I was usually the one to wake up when ‘nap time’ ends, meaning I got virtually no sleep.

The bath with some bath toys is my trick.
DS is also 3 and has occasionally tried to fall asleep at 3 or 4ish.
He then usually wakes up at 8pm and stays up till midnight. It's a nightmare.
When I see him nodding off we have playtime in the bath.

Your DH is being unreasonable because while it's terrible trying to keep them awake when they're tired.
Waking up at 3am messes up the whole day and routine.

YANBU. Does your DH have some redeeming qualities?

Can you move bedtime to 6pm? That might make it easier for everyone.

Good to see I’m not crazy.

DS isn’t sleep deprived, he always wants to sleep as soon as he gets home. Last term he was in nursery until 6pm and he’d sleep as soon as he got home but not need to at nursery. On Saturdays we have an activity and usually get home around 11am, he always wants to go to sleep then. It doesn’t matter what time he gets home, he wants to go to sleep unless we entertain him.

We can’t really move bedtime to 6 because he likes doing his bedtime routine with both of us there - and both of us like doing it with him. It would also mean him just waking up earlier the next morning.

If DH lets him sleep he deals with the bed time/4am start it creates? May help focus DH mind??

Is he completely well? That sleepiness sounds a bit unusual. Unrelated to that though, ‘DH has him from 4pm to 6pm’ is a funny thing to say and makes me wonder if he sees/encourages you to see it as him doing you a favour for him to parent his own kid and therefore he doesn’t have to do a decent job of it.

Not your problem dh sorts him when he wakes
problem solved

At that age there is no way I could have kept
my son awake until 7pm without it being stressful for me, but more importantly for him. His bedtime was 6pm until he was 4.5, even as a seven year old he is asleep by 7:15 at the latest. What time is he getting up in the morning if he goes to bed at 7?

You say he likes you both to do bedtime, but he seems to happily go to sleep without a joint bedtime. Could you do the joint bedtimes at the weekend?

I also wouldn’t necessarily be sure of this:

It would also mean him just waking up earlier the next morning.

I don’t find it always works that way with my nearly 3yo.

He falls asleep at 11am after doing a sat activity

that doesn’t sound right

if he needs sleep so badly ask nursery to nap for an hour aether lunch so 1-2 that won’t effect bedtime

and surely better to sleep 6pm to 6am

then sleep 4pm to 3am

So your DH just isn’t bothered to try and keep him awake. Taking the easy option.