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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at DH sleeping in the day?

35 replies

gkok · 14/09/2022 17:10

Me and DH are both at home with our 3 month old DS all day, I’m exclusively breastfeeding and do vast majority of the baby work save for maybe an hour a day when DH takes over for me to shower or go to the dentist etc! We sleep separately so DH we both sleep better but he’s on the sofa. He reckons he doesn’t sleep well on the sofa although he doesn’t get up til 9/10am and then wants to nap during the day. This irritates me as it’s difficult to keep entertaining a little one who doesn’t want to sleep, and I get tired too! He says I’m selfish to not let him nap during the day when all I want is for us to hang out together as I feel lonely and bored living with the in laws. AIBU?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2022 17:11

Does he not work? What the hell is he doing all day?

that1970shouse · 14/09/2022 17:12

Sounds like you're doing all the nights and he wants you to do all the days too. Nip this in the bud right now.

LobeliaBaggins · 14/09/2022 17:13

why are you living with inlaws?

MbatataOwl · 14/09/2022 17:15

Why isn't he working? Why are you doing everything for the baby? Do you have any standards?

Bananalanacake · 14/09/2022 17:16

Maybe he has paternity leave. Living with the in laws would drive me round the bend, are you saving for your own place OP?

Original poster
gkok · 14/09/2022 17:17

We were both students, he’s waiting for his masters to start in a couple of weeks and I’m on Mat leave. V unexpected pregnancy so here for the short term and definitely saving up

OP posts:
Backtobacknow · 14/09/2022 17:17

Well if he was at work you would have to cope, but if he is not working then he should help out or look after DS while you do.

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2022 17:17

Do either of you have jobs? Why don't you have your own place? Sounds claustrophobic. He sounds like a lazy fucker.

BestCatMumEver · 14/09/2022 17:19

So he does fuck all currently and thinks his sleep is more important.

MbatataOwl · 14/09/2022 17:19

Have you told him to buck up?

Original poster
gkok · 14/09/2022 17:20

I feel I wouldn’t mind so much if he was out at work! But knowing he’s in the next room just reading or napping drives me insane, always seems like he just wants his own space whereas I feel lonely

OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 14/09/2022 17:20

can he not get a job around his masters?! Sounds very boring and claustrophobic?!

Original poster
gkok · 14/09/2022 17:20

We seem to have this argument every few days before he slips back into his old ways :/

OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 14/09/2022 17:21

Can you get out to baby group a couple of times a week, see friends etc? Living with in laws would finish me off, can you really not afford to get even a one bed flat for now ?

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 14/09/2022 17:22

There are three/four adults in the house and you get maybe an hour a day where you're not looking after the baby? That sounds absolutely shite, and your DH needs a real wake up call.

BestCatMumEver · 14/09/2022 17:22

So what does he do with the baby? I know you said the baby was unplanned but did he want it?

You’re supposed to be a team. Parenting is all about teamwork, else there’s no point.

Elieza · 14/09/2022 17:23

Sleeping in a sofa sucks so I’d let him get into the bed once you are up for an hour or two to catch up on kip.

After that nae luck if he’s tired. All parents are tired. Tell him to get his finger out and coparent properly.

Us be expecting him to get a job tbh. Are his parents not saying as much? He’s a dad now.

fallinover · 14/09/2022 17:24

Why isn't he working or helping you?
It sounds like you are married to a child.
Has he struggled to adjust to being a father? What does he say when you talk about it?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2022 17:24

Tell him he either grows up or you're leaving.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/09/2022 17:26

gkok · 14/09/2022 17:17

We were both students, he’s waiting for his masters to start in a couple of weeks and I’m on Mat leave. V unexpected pregnancy so here for the short term and definitely saving up

Would probably be a bit easier to save up if one of you actually got a job.

Original poster
gkok · 14/09/2022 17:26

He says I’m really needy and being selfish to wake him up during the day. When I leave him for 12 hours at night. I constantly have to nag to get him to do chores to help around the house whilst I’m feeding DS

OP posts:
Discovereads · 14/09/2022 17:27

Honestly, I think the issue is the not sleeping on the sofa. Unless he’s got form for needing 20hrs of sleep a day, I’d take his word for him not really being able to sleep on the sofa. Sort out a proper bed for him as soon as you can. Then you can start working on splitting nights and tag teaming in the day. He will need a place to sleep well before his classes start.

mrsbitaly · 14/09/2022 17:37

Stop him sleeping on the sofa seems a shame you are both in separate rooms. How long is that going to go on for?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2022 17:37

This isn't going to be getting any better, op. He literally does nothing because he can't be arsed. He just doesn't give a shit. Get out and save yourself years of misery.

AlbertaAnnie · 14/09/2022 17:44

Red flags all over - sounds like you had a baby with a baby unfortunately.