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Original poster

To say we become more shy and reserved as we grow older?

58 replies

Janie94 · 14/09/2022 16:43

Maybe it's just me, but Ive recently realised how I have become increasingly more shy as I've got older.
I feel embarrassed and put on the spot when someone asks me a direct question, even if it's something like "how's your little girl doing?" Which sounds mad.
If people have a joke, and it's not even at my expense, I go red!

Maybe it's because of lockdown, maybe it's because I have a smaller social circle nowadays, maybe I've just always been shy .. does anyone feel the same?

OP posts:
Tootsey11 · 14/09/2022 16:45

You're developing rosacea Op. That's how it starts.

happygolucky42 · 14/09/2022 16:45

I agree! My late teens to early 30s so wild. Now shy, reserved and can't be bothered. I think lockdown really brought me in line with my introverted inner self and I'm truly happier!

Oblomov22 · 14/09/2022 16:46

Nope. I don't relate to this at all. I'm the opposite of anything. Strange assumption to make op. Don't think it's the norm at all.

saraclara · 14/09/2022 16:47

It's been the opposite for me. I was painfully shy as a teen, relaxed a bit as time went on, particularly in my 30s, as I found being a mum gave me loads more confidence, and now, in my 60s I'll talk to any old strangers. I'm still a bit of a social klutz in some situations, and still quite introverted in group settings, but definitely better than I used to be.

Tiredmum100 · 14/09/2022 16:47

I've been shy and reserved all my life, I'm approaching 40 and feel I've gone the opposite way. I'm actually standing up for myself more and fighting my corner. I'm fed up of being walked all over. That said I am naturally a quiet/reserved person.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2022 16:47

That's not the norm, op. People usuybecine more self-assured as they get older, especially 40+.

mdh2020 · 14/09/2022 17:38

I was very quiet as a child (school reports attest to this) but I blossomed when I hit 16. DH would probably say that I am still blossoming and am probably even more noisy and extravert than ever. I talk to everyone and love going out.

BackToGoingOnHoliday · 14/09/2022 17:39

Nope, but I am choosier who I spend time with.

mast0650 · 14/09/2022 17:40

No, I'm pretty sure it is the opposite for me.

Rosewaterblossom · 14/09/2022 17:48

Opposite for me too. Was shy and quiet as a teen/20s then got confidence in myself naturally in my 30s.

Same with looks, I was average with a puppy fat look but now I've sort of "grown into" my looks and figure. I look better now then as a teen!

Burnt0utMum · 14/09/2022 17:57

Opposite for me. I've become more outspoken and generally care less what others think the older I've become.

Limesaregreen · 14/09/2022 18:06

Opposite for me but I will go quiet in company that bores me because I can’t be arsed making small talk

MadeWithCare · 14/09/2022 18:09

The complete opposite for me. I was painfully shy in my teens and 20s and uncomfortable in most social situations, although I could make myself do it, through my 30s.

In my 50s I organise social events for a club and today I gavr a presentation to 40 people as easily as chatting to a friend.

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 14/09/2022 18:10

I think I'm the same Op. I used to be beyond fearless in all kind of social situations, in fact I used to even search out awkward situations and people to win over/conquer.

I'm a lot more reserved now, I used to have almost infallible confidence, nothing could put me on the backfoot and everything was water off a ducks back. I seem to overthink a lot of stuff now. Meh, not sure it's necessarily a bad thing. I used to get in a lot of scrapes!

butterfliedtwo · 14/09/2022 18:10

Nope. I give zero fucks pretty much. If I'm quiet in company it's because I'm bored. I hate small talk.

Spanielsarepainless · 14/09/2022 18:13

I've never been shy but these days, hitting 60, I don't worry what people think any more. My sister is the same.

Sparklingbrook · 14/09/2022 18:14

I was a painfully shy child, got totally bullied all through High School but became a super confident teenager on leaving and starting college/work.
I feel after having children I got a bit more introverted for a while as I adjusted, but now they're all grown up I'm feeling ok again.
I'll talk to anyone, stand up for myself and since the world opened back up after Covid really enjoying going out and socialising.

MushMonster · 14/09/2022 18:14

Opposite for me too.
I am still introverted, not very sociable, but I speak up whenever I have something to say and smile and interact more each day ( as a toung child I would hide and refuse to speak to people I did not know!)

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 18:15

I am quite introverted but am less shy than when I was younger. Less bothered by what people think of me

MushMonster · 14/09/2022 18:16

Opposite for me too.
I am still introverted, not very sociable, but I speak up whenever I have something to say and smile and interact more each day ( as a young child I would hide and refuse to speak to people I did not know!)

Userxxxxx · 14/09/2022 18:39

I'm with you OP, totally understand as we get older, I think life's knocks and rich tapestry taint us that bit more.

Spent much of yesterday trying to understand a comment of who do you think you are, when I'll never be sure if the sender meant to write Who are you? and either way, all I wanted to do was switch off the laptop. Perhaps the 25 year old carefree with runaway mouth in me would have loved to have gone back and stand up for myself, but not the 40 year old me. (though I did succeed in switching off!)

Maybe people around us also influence us, for example the last company I worked in was younger people with bit odd attitude, new company and older trainers had me welling up (it was so embarrassing) when they firmly installed in us the new job would take a little while to sink in and that was okay.

EmmaH2022 · 14/09/2022 18:43

I've become more introverted and reticent, rather than shy

I think it's partly because language is so complicated now. It makes me feel I want to stick in a very tiny group so I don't accidentally say something that's misinterpreted.

Rover83 · 14/09/2022 18:44

I'm the complete opposite. I was painfully shy as a child and very self conscious and worried about what people thought of me in my 20s. Now I'm approaching 40 I'm so much more confident, both in myself and in others company. I very rarely worry about what people think of me and I'm confident enough in myself to be able to laugh at myself if I mess up in front of others

DarceyG · 14/09/2022 18:45

happygolucky42 · 14/09/2022 16:45

I agree! My late teens to early 30s so wild. Now shy, reserved and can't be bothered. I think lockdown really brought me in line with my introverted inner self and I'm truly happier!

I’m the same Invited to gathering on sat, all women. I know 3 of them the others I don’t. I drink less now and they’re talking about cocktails and Prosecco on wattsapp. I am going to make an excuse just not feeling it.

Cameleongirl · 14/09/2022 18:46

BackToGoingOnHoliday · 14/09/2022 17:39

Nope, but I am choosier who I spend time with.

Same here, @BackToGoingOnHoliday . I’m socially confident now that I’m middle aged, but if I don’t like someone, I’ll avoid them and won’t make any effort. I used to try with unpleasant people, but I can’t be bothered now!