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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull DS from new nursery

54 replies

Whisperedew · 13/09/2022 15:52

His last nursery was amazing, unfortunately just got too expensive and now he’s older I thought a community nursery attached to a pre school would be better and help him become independent. he’s 3.5. They were OFSTED rated good 5 years ago. 25 kids in one room, so much like reception. He goes 3 hours a morning
he’s been there over a week now, was wearing pants last week but had an accident (weed himself) every day which is odd for him as he never has accidents anymore. On tapestry there’s an image of him playing with the other kids and his clothes are soaked.
ive put him in nappy pants this week and told them because I was worried about him sitting there soaked, I’ve picked him up and his nappy is full of poo.
0 communication from the nursery, they point to the parents at pick up time. Kids have to walk in themselves.
His water bottle has remained untouched everyday and left or put in his bag. As soon as I pick him up he asks for a drink so I get it out his bag.
Picked him up today and It’s pissing it down and his coat was left in his bag.
The main thing is communication though, he’s just had his first week and they can’t even come out and talk to me and let me know how he got on

OP posts:
OlympicProcrastinator · 13/09/2022 15:55

That would be a big fat nope from me. I wouldn’t even wait I’d take my child straight out. They are neglecting his very basic needs.

Original poster
Whisperedew · 13/09/2022 15:55

There’s also been photos put on tapestry in the middle of the night. Surely there’s rules about taking cameras home?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whisperedew · 13/09/2022 15:56

@OlympicProcrastinator it does seem quite neglectful. It’s as if they just put all the kids in the room and sit there having a cup of tea. I know they’re expected to be independent, but surely even reception teachers do more than this

OP posts:
123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 13/09/2022 16:00

EXACTLY the same happened with me but add nits and a broken nose to the equation (allowed to climb on wet plastic items outside) i moved him straight back but i will give you heads up the increase in cost was even higher as they classed me as a new starter rather than the gradual increase. i just had to suck it up for 6 months!

OlympicProcrastinator · 13/09/2022 16:00

The fact that they don’t even come out to greet you and can take a picture of him soaking wet yet leave him in the soiled clothes is awful. I think you get a feel very quickly for nurseries. Your DS has regressed to wetting himself which is a big giveaway.
Some things can be resolved but there are too many serious alarm bells with this one. Can you change nursery quickly? Sorry you’re dealing with this.

wonderingwhatsnext · 13/09/2022 16:02

YANBU except about the tapestry at night thing. The observation might be uploaded by staff during the day but has to be approved by the admin before it goes to parents.

OlympicProcrastinator · 13/09/2022 16:02

EXACTLY the same happened with me but add nits and a broken nose to the equation

Jesus Christ. 💐

Original poster
Whisperedew · 13/09/2022 16:02

I can’t help but feel like they don’t give DS his water bottle because they don’t want him weeing himself and then having to change him…
we can’t change nursery, only option is to pull him out

OP posts:
OlympicProcrastinator · 13/09/2022 16:05

only option is to pull him out

100% do this.

nachoavocado · 13/09/2022 16:07

Report your concerns to ofsted and get him out of there.

OhILoveDoughnuts · 13/09/2022 16:15

Whisperedew · 13/09/2022 15:55

There’s also been photos put on tapestry in the middle of the night. Surely there’s rules about taking cameras home?

I think
Tapestry uploads over night. As I always get the updates through at like 3am

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 13/09/2022 16:19

Is this a school nursery run by a teacher? Have you asked to speak to the teacher? What did they say about toileting at the introductory meetings?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 13/09/2022 16:53

I would take him out. This isn't preparing him for school at all.

Needmorelego · 13/09/2022 16:59

This sounds like a school nursery class (ie the first year of Foundation Stage for the 3 - 4 year olds) rather than a day care style nursery.
I think you want daycare style. You've put him in the wrong type.

user1471523870 · 13/09/2022 17:07

I would be furious and actually looking for another nursery. But in the meantime I would speak with the manager and demand an explanation.
I have limited experience in nursery settings (we moved 3 but were happy with all of them and they were all private nurseries) but 25 children in one room seems excessive, no wonder they weren't able to take him to the toilet or notice he needed to be changed. What's the ration with staff?
Also, I would be concerned about how much he can learn if staff is not around very often and they have another 24 to look after, try to sit them down, focus on one activity etc
Unless your goal is only a bit of socializing and playing with other children, I'd be concerned he wouldn't get much more out of the experience.

Hugasauras · 13/09/2022 17:12

Is he toilet trained? Is it a school nursery? Obviously he shouldn't be sitting in a dirty nappy but preschools often expect kids to be toilet trained and say they won't change nappies and will call parents to do so. Have you spoken to them about the toileting?

Original poster
Whisperedew · 13/09/2022 17:16

@Needmorelego my post states it’s a school nursery

@Hugasauras yes I put in my post this is odd behaviour from him. They take kids from their 2nd birthday, spoke to them about toileting and told them he will need reminders / taken to the toilet. Spoke before about nappy pants and they said they have a few children in nappies and have the facility to change them.

not sure about how many staff, there seems to be at least 4 that I’ve seen at a time.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 13/09/2022 17:26

@Whisperedew 24 children in a school nursery is normal. They also don't change nappies/pull ups in school nurseries.
Toilet accidents are expected and are normal for school in both nursery and reception - they happen all the time. They get so busy with Doing Stuff they don't always think to go - but they are meant to be independent enough to take themselves to the loo.
Putting him in the pull up was a mistake. It will have made him think he doesn't need to use the actual toilet (especially as he pooed).

Needmorelego · 13/09/2022 17:29

Is he in the 3-4 year olds class?
They might take from age 2 but the first year of Foundation Stage is slightly different to a nursery for 2 year olds.

FlounderingFruitcake · 13/09/2022 17:32

A lot of it sounds like the wonderful school nursery my DD went to, there was a younger class that was more hands on but at 3-4 they were expected to be fully independent with toileting, mid morning there was a snack/drink break but no one would check what they actually drank and outside of that it was up to them to ask, they had to go in by themselves, at pick up they’d line them up in the playground and release them to walk to you, it was a class of 20 with 2 teachers and a TA, main communication was once a week via a blog. But although they expected a lot of independence, it was lovely and DD absolutely thrived there.

If you’re not getting the right vibe from this place, DS isn’t happy and they’re so useless they can take pictures of him in wet clothes and not realise, I’d pull him out. Just keep in mind that if you try another place that’s also more of preschool or school nursery some of the independence stuff might be the same.

FlounderingFruitcake · 13/09/2022 17:34

And accidents happen with that age group, I wouldn’t go rushing back to nappies and it sounds like you possibly confused him hence the poo accident. If you don’t trust nursery he shouldn’t be there.

deedledeedledum · 13/09/2022 17:48

@Needmorelego They also don't change nappies/pull ups in school nurseries.
Toilet accidents are expected and are normal for school in both nursery and reception - they happen all the time
They don't change nappies and they expect toilet accidents as they happen all the time? So they knowingly just leave them in wet pants? I've never heard any type of nursery or preschool to do this

SunshineClouds1 · 13/09/2022 17:53

Nope, pull him out

WhatIsThisMad · 13/09/2022 18:13

Move him! I had doubts about a nursery once. What really clinched it was an agency staff member discreetly telling me things weren't good and don't bring him back! I'm glad she was brave enough to say that, but wish I'd moves him sooner

Needmorelego · 13/09/2022 18:45

@deedledeedledum no they will help the children change their clothes and clean themselves up - they don't leave them !!
When my daughter was in Nursery Class and Reception everyone was expected to have a spare pair of clothes (usually just undies and trackie bottoms) in case of accidents and there was a constant supply of spare pants (and sometimes tights) available.