AIBU?
Why does this always happen to me?
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 13:49
So I've been seeing a guy for only a couple of weeks. I escaped DV 18mth ago and felt ready to get back out there (taking it slowly) last night I went to bed (I'm on very strong meds that knock me out) and woke to 10 messages saying he had been to mine at 3.30am and I wasn't answering and would I let him in. The next message was him falling me a f**king bitch cause I didn't answer the door (as above the meds knock me out) he knows what I went through last year so for him to behave and speak to me that way freaked me. Called him a stalker and he has a go but then says he forgives me (um.......) fair to say I've blocked him on all SM and my phone. I don't have a reason for this post except to just have a rant
I know I'm not inbu I just needed a rant
etchysketchy88 · 13/09/2022 13:52
Good for you!
At least he has shown his true colours nice and early so you can bin him and get on with your life.
bloodywhitecat · 13/09/2022 13:52
He's nailed his true colours to the mast, you've had a lucky escape.
Wingedharpy · 13/09/2022 13:53
I mean this kindly Op.
Yes - he is not worthy of your time and energy with that attitude but.......you're not taking it slow enough if he knows your address after "only a couple of weeks".
Stay safe and put yourself first - always.
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 13:56
Wingedharpy · 13/09/2022 13:53
I mean this kindly Op.
Yes - he is not worthy of your time and energy with that attitude but.......you're not taking it slow enough if he knows your address after "only a couple of weeks".
Stay safe and put yourself first - always.
He is local and its only a small area so he knew where i was before I actually met him
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/09/2022 13:57
Well, he's obviously a tosser and sorry about that as if must be disappointing.
BUT... it sounds as though you have good boundaries and recognised this as shit behaviour instead of putting up with it, or hoping it would change.
I think you've done exactly the right thing by blocking him. Don't even bother getting in touch to explain why.
Good for you.
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 13:58
I'd also like to add that due to last year I do have a panic button installed so if he comes again and I feel scared I will use it
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 14:01
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/09/2022 13:57
Well, he's obviously a tosser and sorry about that as if must be disappointing.
BUT... it sounds as though you have good boundaries and recognised this as shit behaviour instead of putting up with it, or hoping it would change.
I think you've done exactly the right thing by blocking him. Don't even bother getting in touch to explain why.
Good for you.
Thank you, you've posted lovely words.
He is completely blocked so will be no further contact. I only posted this for a rant but also for awareness so anyone else being treated this way knows its not normal behaviour and to get out asap
Glitteratitar · 13/09/2022 14:01
I would look at this differently. Rather than saying “why me”, I would think go you! You realised this guy is no good and you dealt with it! That’s incredible when it’s been only 18 months since you left your previous relationship.
You sound like you’re doing well. Keep it up.
Wingedharpy · 13/09/2022 14:13
@Princesssuperstar : That's good that you have robust safety measures in place.
Well done you for kicking him in to touch at the first sign of this crappy behavior.
He is most certainly not worthy of a woman of your caliber.
Onwards and upwards OP.👏
girlmom21 · 13/09/2022 14:26
Wow what an arse! Good on you for being strong on your boundaries after what you've been through!
What kind of weirdo turns up at 3:30am?!
NovaDeltas · 13/09/2022 14:40
If he knows what you went through, then chances are this is an equally abusive bully who was looking for another woman to abuse and when you told him you had been one, he knew he could wheedle his way in.
I would suggest keeping this info very private so you don't attract men who are looking for victims of DV. They will attempt to snuff out vulnerability.
I believe there's a Freedom Project program that will help you avoid abusers in the future, as well. Have a google. It's free.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2022 14:43
Well done for blocking him and recognising this is not on.
I agree that two weeks is too soon for him to know your address. I also wouldn’t have let someone know so quickly that you have been a victim of abuse.
I personally didn’t feel ready to date 18 months after leaving an EA relationship- it’s a long healing process.
murasaki · 13/09/2022 14:45
I think @Glitteratitar has it right
Focus on what you did well here.
FOJN · 13/09/2022 14:48
Good for you for blocking him.
You mentioned that you took medication which knocks you out and that's why you didn't hear his messages or answer the door, you do not need an excuse to ignore messages or visitors at anytime nevermind the early hours of the morning. A man who resorts to abusive name calling when they don't get their own way is an arsehole.
Blossomandbee · 13/09/2022 14:52
Just want to say what others have said, well done for instantly recognising what an arsehole he is and blocking him without making excuses. That takes strength especially after being through DV.
I also second what someone else said, in not to share your history so soon, you don't want to be seen as an easy target by a potential bully.
mamabear715 · 13/09/2022 14:53
Good for you, @Princesssuperstar
I'd say you are definitely worthy of your username. :-)
OperaStation · 13/09/2022 15:10
Well done for recognizing his abusive behavior and ending the relationship. But why on earth did you let him know where you live?
verdantverdure · 13/09/2022 15:19
You did exactly the right thing.
He is entirely in the wrong.
Onwards and upwards.
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 15:20
OperaStation · 13/09/2022 15:10
Well done for recognizing his abusive behavior and ending the relationship. But why on earth did you let him know where you live?
I did reply to another comment above with the same question..... he is local and a very small village
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 15:22
Blossomandbee · 13/09/2022 14:52
Just want to say what others have said, well done for instantly recognising what an arsehole he is and blocking him without making excuses. That takes strength especially after being through DV.
I also second what someone else said, in not to share your history so soon, you don't want to be seen as an easy target by a potential bully.
I don't tell people about my dv or private life but being in a small village everyone knows and always gossip so he heard on the grapevine. Asked me about it and I replied 'I don't want to talk about that as its something I want to forget.
FlissyPaps · 13/09/2022 15:26
Turning up unannounced at 3:00am and then angry that you were asleep and not answering is terrifying.
Good for you for blocking him. Keep it that way!!
It must feel shit, especially thinking “why does this always happen to me”. I can guarantee it doesn’t, it just feels that way right now.
10HailMarys · 13/09/2022 15:30
The good thing here is that you've recognised how bad his behaviour was and you've blocked him. Well done for being decisive and firm.
However - bear in mind if you had woken up, or had been sitting up wide awake and watching Netflix, you would have been perfectly within your rights to ignore someone who came round to your house at 3.30am. The fact that your medication knocks you out isn't relevant here. You don't need to justify anything. Turning up in the early hours unannounced and expecting you to get up and let him for a shag just because he decided he wanted it was a shitty thing for him to do, and ignoring him or telling him to go away would have been entirely valid anyway.
VladmirsPoutine · 13/09/2022 15:33
Your swift blocking action really shows how far you've come. No doubt he might hve been expecting an apology, an extensive explanation. I hope you don't doubt yourself for a second or let him talk you round.
mycatisannoying · 13/09/2022 15:35
The fact that you're still attracting abusive men is worrying. Have you done counselling of any kind? It's only been 18 months. You need to focus on yourself and not on having a man 
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