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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does this always happen to me?

33 replies

Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 13:49

So I've been seeing a guy for only a couple of weeks. I escaped DV 18mth ago and felt ready to get back out there (taking it slowly) last night I went to bed (I'm on very strong meds that knock me out) and woke to 10 messages saying he had been to mine at 3.30am and I wasn't answering and would I let him in. The next message was him falling me a f**king bitch cause I didn't answer the door (as above the meds knock me out) he knows what I went through last year so for him to behave and speak to me that way freaked me. Called him a stalker and he has a go but then says he forgives me (um.......) fair to say I've blocked him on all SM and my phone. I don't have a reason for this post except to just have a rant

I know I'm not inbu I just needed a rant

OP posts:
MintJulia · 13/09/2022 15:36

Glitteratitar · 13/09/2022 14:01

I would look at this differently. Rather than saying “why me”, I would think go you! You realised this guy is no good and you dealt with it! That’s incredible when it’s been only 18 months since you left your previous relationship.

You sound like you’re doing well. Keep it up.

This. Well done for blocking him.

jeaux90 · 13/09/2022 15:37

What an entitled, abusive arsehole!!

Well done you for blocking him, super strong and assertive.

Some of these men don't realise how much nicer our lives are without them in it!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 13/09/2022 15:38

It won't always happen to you. It doesn't only happen to you either.

maybe find fish in a bigger pond that don't know your history & don't know where you live.

he sought you out knowing your history, then 5 minutes into seeing you turned up in the small hours expecting to be let in. He had you down as easy to control.

he didn't count on you being strong & not just caving in to his demands.

well done!!! Now KEEP him blocked!

Fish outside your tiny pond!!

InsertPunHere · 13/09/2022 15:40

You sound like a strong person with good boundaries. Good on you for kicking this idiot into touch

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 13/09/2022 19:17

Thanks for all the lovely words.
To answer any questions...... yes I have been receiving therapy for a while (I'm also bipolar) so today I called my therapist and had a chat. She confirmed it was not my fault and he seemed as a target to control but he didn't bargain on my strength. When my ex lay a finger on me i left and reported (3yr sentence) I have always been alone so crave love but after everyone's lovely comments and advice I've decided to continue with therapy and focus on my DS who's 18. With therapists advice I have been in touch with police to report so if he comes near me or sets up different SM accounts I can let them know and he will be charged.
Also spoken to local council about moving so no-one knows my history

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 14/09/2022 00:53

Brilliant. You are powerful and amazing, and don't you ever forget it!

Ladyof2022 · 14/09/2022 03:25

10HailMarys · 13/09/2022 15:30

The good thing here is that you've recognised how bad his behaviour was and you've blocked him. Well done for being decisive and firm.

However - bear in mind if you had woken up, or had been sitting up wide awake and watching Netflix, you would have been perfectly within your rights to ignore someone who came round to your house at 3.30am. The fact that your medication knocks you out isn't relevant here. You don't need to justify anything. Turning up in the early hours unannounced and expecting you to get up and let him for a shag just because he decided he wanted it was a shitty thing for him to do, and ignoring him or telling him to go away would have been entirely valid anyway.

THIS

Fraaahnces · 14/09/2022 05:03

I am so pleased you have reported him. I think you need to reframe the way you think about it though. Rather than “Why does this always happen to me”, start saying “I have enough self-esteem to know that I deserve better.”
Have you thought about doing the Freedom Program as well?

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