Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for experiences around school absence for family funeral?

51 replies

YennefersDress · 13/09/2022 13:47

My last grandparent has just died, and we now have a date for the funeral.

My own DC are 7 and 9 and I want them to attend the funeral which is obviously on a schoolday.

I just wanted to ask for others experience in requesting a days absence for a family funeral. Is this likely to be granted by the school without too much trouble? I've no idea on the likelihood- I've never had to request absence in the past.

TIA

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 13/09/2022 13:48

My MIL died and school did not approve the absence as unfortunately grandparents dying is not unusual. We took them out for the day anyway.

Frazzled2207 · 13/09/2022 13:51

I would not give this a second thought. Just tell the school they’re going to a funeral.
whether they approve it or not, there won’t be any consequences

SH23B · 13/09/2022 13:51

I'm in the same situation, I emailed the school to let them know my child wouldn't be attending on the day of the funeral and they haven't responded so I've no idea if it will be authorised or not.

nachoavocado · 13/09/2022 13:55

HermioneWeasley · 13/09/2022 13:48

My MIL died and school did not approve the absence as unfortunately grandparents dying is not unusual. We took them out for the day anyway.

For the funeral?! That seems incredibly harsh.

NancyVicious · 13/09/2022 13:55

I've never requested a school absence for a funeral, I've just informed them my children won't be attending that day because of one

Original poster
YennefersDress · 13/09/2022 13:55

@HermioneWeasley did you receive fines for taking them out of school? Or was it just marked as an unauthorised absence but no recommendation for a fine?

@SH23B sorry you are in the same position at the moment too, hopefully the school agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
YennefersDress · 13/09/2022 13:57

For the funeral?! That seems incredibly harsh.

Agreed! Completely ridiculous, IMO

OP posts:
Hintofreality · 13/09/2022 13:57

You can have the day off for the Queen’s Funeral so good luck with any school not approving an absence for a funeral in the future.

Original poster
YennefersDress · 13/09/2022 13:58

Hintofreality · 13/09/2022 13:57

You can have the day off for the Queen’s Funeral so good luck with any school not approving an absence for a funeral in the future.

Well this was my thinking, surely anyone in my position atm has the most rock solid argument ever, given the entire country has been given a day off for the Queen 😁

OP posts:
Oldrockingchair · 13/09/2022 14:00

What @Hintofreality says. If they close for the funeral of a person they have never met, they can’t really argue! They’ve set a precedent now.

sorry for your loss.

OfficiallyBroken · 13/09/2022 14:27

I'm sorry you've lost your grandparent.

When dad died recently I emailed my daughter's schools and advised that I'd be taking them out of school to attend the funeral and was respectfully requesting it could be granted as an authorised absence.

Neither school objected. I hope it's as straightforward for you.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 13/09/2022 14:27

You don’t ask for permission ffs you do what you want it’s your child!!!

abovedecknotbelow · 13/09/2022 14:31

My kids just started y7 last week and I took them out on Friday for my uncle who basically a dad to me and grand to them for the funeral. Couldn't give a shiny fuck if they approved it or not we were going.

School authorised it, DH was authorised as a teacher as were several cousins. It's a funeral not a holiday and I would have taken them out anyway.

Their grandad on the other side got remarried when they were in yr, took them out for the day and it was unauthorised. Was always going to take them out anyway though.

catsnore · 13/09/2022 14:31

Our school granted absence for this (we had to travel for the funeral too). Even if they don't grant permission you are unlikely to be fined for one day of absence - from what I understand it has to be five days in a row for local authority to pursue it (it's not the school fining you - they just report attendance figures to local authority).

FlumpyLump · 13/09/2022 14:45

I had to go hospital just over a week ago because I was experiencing shooting chest pains, rapid heart and palpitations.
My blood pressure was sky high and I kept feeling dizzy/sick whenever I stood up.
I am a single parent and had to leave my son with his grandad who has heart and lung disease and cannot walk very far.
My son is 12 and has to be escorted by myself to and from school because he has SEN and falls over/no road sense (I've tried to teach him believe me).
I rang the school to let them know I was still in hospital at 8:30am (before my diagnosis) and could not physically get him there as I couldn't be in two places at once and was very unwell/explained symptoms etc.
No sympathy whatsoever and they've unauthorised the absence.
Despite knowing I was ill (in hospital) and my son has to be escorted, "there was nothing wrong with him so he shouldn't be absent".
Turned out I had pleurisy. Not that it matters. I could've been having a heart attack and they still wouldn't authorise an absence.

Talipesmum · 13/09/2022 14:50

We filled in the absence request form and said that we’d be taking them out on that day for grandparent’s funeral. I phrased it so as to say “they will be absent for this day” rather than “please can they have time off on this day”. They gave permission straight away, but tbh if they hadn’t it would have just been an unauthorised absence on their books, not our problem. There wouldn’t be fines for a single short absence, I can’t imagine.

Marmite27 · 13/09/2022 14:53

We had no problem getting leave for a grandparents funeral last year. DC1 was in infants. I suppose it helped that it’s a catholic school and they were off to the school church.

Only half a day was granted though.

PolkaDotMankini · 13/09/2022 14:55

Is that you Wills?

brookstar · 13/09/2022 14:55

Our school granted permission to take DS out for my granddad's funeral.

ChimpyChops · 13/09/2022 14:59

I didn't ask permission, just told them my boys wouldn't be in as we had funerals, both their great-grandparents died within a week.
Not sure if it was authorised or not tbh. The schools never mentioned it again.

icefountain · 13/09/2022 15:05

They can't fine you for a day anyway. Just say they won't be in on X date as you are going to a family funeral

LaLaLouella · 13/09/2022 15:07

My DDs school authorised an absence for a funeral with absolutely no problems or questions asked...

LongLivedQueen · 13/09/2022 15:07

Such stupid rules. I wouldn't ask, I would tell, and I could not be less interested if they "grant permission" or not.
And if any fines were issued, I would not be paying them.

Roomba · 13/09/2022 15:09

Never had any issue with getting absence authorised to attend family funerals - from any of the three schools my kids have been to.

What kind of Headteacher refuses to allow a day off for a grandparent's funeral, as "It's not unusual"? 😡

I wouldn't even phrase it as a request - just advise school that your child will not be in that day and why.

TheNoodlesIncident · 13/09/2022 15:39

It would be a very unusual school to not authorise a child's absence for a funeral. Generally you'd only have your child attend funerals of close relatives rather than "second aunty twice removed", so in that respect it's always going to be a sad occasion for the pupil, not like a day's holiday.

I advised school of DS being absent due to grandparent funeral, no issues even when it was the second funeral a few months after the first.

They're only missing two sessions at most so it won't trigger a fine unless they've had lots of unauthorised absences already.