Our DDs in particular need to understand marital contracts

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I have a DS too and want him also to know, but given how things seem to work post kids, DDs are the priority.

When we get married we're not encouraged to think of the contract as much more than a legal document binding us together in love. Which is nice, but nonsense in the cold hard reality of life.

My DH is Catholic and we had to do a "marriage preparation" course (it wasn't that bad, just talking about what we expected in different areas of marriage). Before we have children we're encouraged to do birth preparation courses of some sort to educate ourselves and to read books to educate ourselves about baby's development.

But before we get married and sign what could be the most important document of our lives, there's NO INFORMATION.

AIBU that we need to teach our DDs - children - what a marriage contract contains, what it means for their rights during marriage and their rights in divorce? And that this needs to be done long before they're in a serious relationship.

I'd even go further and say that this education should be provided by the experts, who are divorce lawyers. In hindsight, now that I'm trying to divorce, I wish I'd been informed about all of this by someone knowledgable about what can go wrong. Knowing what it all means when everything is going well is actually useless - you don't usually need to protect yourself when everything is good!

There's sooo much I didn't know about what was involved and what the legal process itself entails. It's been an "in at the deep end" education. But for my lawyer, some if it appears to be "common sense". I absolutely agree about that, IF you know the legal system, how contracts work etc. The absolute worst way to learn about the law and your rights is via divorce.

So, anybody agree, or AIBU?

No. You teach children about marriage and relationships by modelling good and healthy real action shops and boundaries as parents.

Relationships not real action shops 🙄

I think this about all contracts. Buying a house, car, renting a property, wills, employment, insurance etc.
basic legal stuff should be taught in schools - to sons and daughters !
no one goes through life without entering into a contract at some point.

What is it you didn't know? I think it's hard to discuss this in the abstract and a lot of things are case specific / subject to change.

The reality is schools can't teach everything - there isn't time/resource.

The problem is this doesn't help the kids with parents who don't care/ don't know themselves. There's a strong overlap between that group of kids, and kids from lower socio economic groups (obviously not complete overlap - you can get shit highly educated parents!) and this sort of issue can them become self perpetuating.

What did you learn? Do you mind sharing?

But before we get married and sign what could be the most important document of our lives, there's NO INFORMATION.

With most religious marriages there’s a requirement (or their certainly used to be) for a couple to attend marriage preparation session beforehand. Traditionally these were focussed on the emotional aspects of marriage, such as negotiating conflict and reflecting on how to compromise etc, but there’s no reason they couldn’t also contain elements of the legal side of things. But for most people, marriage doesn’t exactly just spring up suddenly. Most people have at least a year or more between engagement and ceremony to educate themselves on what marriage means and the contractual nature of it. Schools can’t spoon feed everything.

*there certainly used to be

I am on the fence with this.

Parents should be teaching these things, but then there’s always going to be kids who aren’t taught it by their parents.

We can’t keep going down the ‘if should be the job of schools’ to make up for lax parenting. They only have so many hours and it’s already taken up with so much.

I also think adults, should really research anything they are signing. But also sympathise because modern society tells us marriage is all above love and questioning anything about marriage means you don’t really want to do it.

I do think to get married you should have to prove you have had independent legal advice. Both people to have it separately. That’s really the only way to ensure people do know, as far as I can see.

it’s definitely something I have spoken to both my daughter and son about.

I agree with this. And about basic banking. So many youngsters think credit cards are free money, or don't understand what interest means.

im in the fence with this. It makes marriages seem more about the contract than the ceremony of both parities agree that want to spend the rest of their life together. I guess it’s more about what you are getting married for.

I really think part of PSHE education in schools should be legal life documents. Things like house deeds, wills, the difference between marriage and cohabitation etc.

I suspect the reason they don't is that it would take 5 mins before a parent complained about it. They'd say they were teaching that marriage = right and cohabitation = wrong. Or that they were passing judgement on non married parents.

I do intend though to teach my children about the importance of legal documents etc.

Alvin Hall did a whole series of TV shows when I was a teen - I was given one of his books and learnt a lot of legal implications of marriage and none marriage from that - including some about implications when will haven't been made.

It is difficult because individual circumstances can vary widely.

They do here teach Numeracy at GCSE at minute - which is supposed to be "the mathematics that learners will need in their everyday lives, the world of work and other general curriculum areas" and they then do maths GCSE along side. That will be going with Welsh GCSE reforms.

I think many women these days get screwed by not marriage and having kids - so I'm not adverse to some lessons - but school curriculums are full as it is - and at some point it's on individuals to look stuff up/do some research - never easier - or pay for professional advice before, after or during marriage.

No. You teach children about marriage and relationships by modelling good and healthy real action shops and boundaries as parents.

^ what about kids with shit parents who do no such thing?

I think more important than teaching our daughters about marriage specifically is teaching them not to be idiots in general.

Who signs a legally binding contract without examining the repercussions!?

so what was it OP that you did not realise ?

I taught both of my daughters the legal protection a marriage contract brings. Re

One is married but childless. And that won’t change barring a miracle. Renting. Good jobs
The other is living with her partner, they have two children. Engaged but no marriage yet, she would, he’s not bothered.
I think she took some of the advice on board though as she is at least on the deeds of their house and he has made a Will naming her as beneficiary.
We have done all we can.

I understand that is problematic but is the alternative getting ‘divorce experts’ involved before marriage? School children won’t be interested.

Most people won’t care because they’re in love and too focused on the wedding/already have children together/won’t understand ramifications anyway, etc.

And who are the ‘divorce experts’? Lawyers and solicitors who have vested interest by selling pre nups. Or counsellors who don’t tend to see healthy relationships, and if they see red flags can they intervene or are they impartial.

who will pay for this?

I see no difference between teaching your DDs v teaching your DS so would be interested why you differentiate?

I've no idea why you think it's more important for daughters to learn about legal rights and responsibilities than sons, that seems an odd conclusion.

We definitely teach our sons about legal aspects of life as is age appropriate for them, we would do the same if we had daughters.

Just teach your children the legal realities of marriage.
Make sure all your children are able (and expect) to earn their own living. Teach them never ever to be financially reliant on another individual.

In other words educate them properly for adult life.
That's a parent's job.

Teaching them what long term relationship without marriage means would be equally important... so they can decide whats best for them

I agree (I also said schools could only teach so much) but waiting for OP to come back on what she didn't know. I'm struggling what part of the divorce process would be necessary to teach that would be worth ditching some other part of the process for. Everyone surely knows that once you're married, divorce is difficult and you end up poorer?

I don't know who would be best to provide the information, OP, but I agree with your basic premise. In fact, I think people generally need to have a far better understanding of the legal aspects of relationships (and of having children).

It doesn’t need to be done by divorce lawyers but I think a session on marriage which explains that it is a legal contract and far far more important than worrying whether the bridesmaid can fit into her dress or whether you have a photo booth at the reception, might make some people think about it a bit more carefully.