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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Assaulted in the Swimming Pool - Worth Reporting?

294 replies

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:04

Name changed in case identifying.

Today I was at my local pool, which is always very quiet around this time of year. There is always one lane up, the pool was empty apart from one man swimming very slow breastroke up the middle of the lane. I headed for the lane, he saw me and so I started swimming up one side to go in the usual clockwise direction that is standard in lanes. I do a reasonably quick, efficient front crawl. The third time of doing this, he sort of paused as I passed him on the other side (I could see him under the water) and then I felt a pressure on my left shoulder and he pushed me down under the water.

I had a couple of moments of panic where you can't breathe and then he must have removed his hand and I bobbed up. Then he started shouting at me, I don't even know what. I told him to leave me alone. The lifeguard did nothing. I resumed swimming and tried not to make a fuss. He seemed to disappear after that.

At one point in my swim, I stopped to get my pull bouy at the end of the lane and he must have been in the showers opposite because the same man walked to the front of the lane and started shouting at me again. Something to do with swimming that he seemed to take great objection to and he asked me what I thought I was doing. I called the lifeguard over and he was rather blase and claimed that we had swam into each other. We had not. I actually cried out in shock quite loudly when I surfaced and the lifeguard admitted hearing this. The man deliberately assaulted me by putting his hand on my shoulder and pushing me under, and there had been plenty of room to pass. I told the man, repeatedly to leave me alone and said that I was here to swim. I had to shout at him 5 times to leave me alone while the lifeguard did nothing. Eventually he moved away.

Once I'd finished swimming I spoke to the lifeguard and asked him what he had seen/heard. He again claimed that we had swam into each other and was prevaricative when I asked why he hadn't told the man to leave me alone and why he didn't seem to understand what that meant. I realised I was getting nowhere with him as he was probably sticking up for the other man and left.

I think what happened is that the man in the lane expected me to acknowledge him, chat to him a bit or something (I really feel uncomfortable talking to strangers in pools wearing just a swimsuit) and when I ignored him and just got on with swimming, he decided to do something to draw my attention to him, like a "she's not getting away with me ignoring me".

I'm absolutely fuming though. You feel so vulnerable when you're in a swimsuit in an almost empty pool and it was a proper assault. I mean I'm not injured, but it was horrible. I won't use that pool again, I've heard of other people having similar troubles there and I'll use a different one further away, but is there any point at all in reporting this to the police? The lifeguard is obviously going to be of little or no help and the man is only going to claim I swam into him or some other made up story.

OP posts:
runningpram · 12/09/2022 23:18

Why are people implying the op had inconvenienced this man by swimming IN A SWIMMING POOL and the man was therefore a-okay to push the op under the water?!
Hugely depressing....

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2022 23:21

Report him and tell the pool why you won't be using that pool again.

I'm so sorry this happened.

Ofcourseshecan · 12/09/2022 23:23

TooManyMoronsHere · 12/09/2022 23:00

@Ofcourseshecan maybe people like you are the reason why actual incidents against women aren't taken seriously!

No, misogyny is the simple reason women's complaints aren't taken seriously.

His pushing me out of the way was an actual incident. I'm not a strong swimmer, so I easily flounder and go under when I'm pushed. But then I'm too breathless and trying to right myself to be able to loudly object. Being ready for his second try allowed me to scare/ embarrass him off.

And it wasn't an accident. He was trying to enforce his 'rules' (not the pool rules) on slower swimmers.

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 23:23

First post Op says she felt pressure on her shoulder and when she asked lifeguard what he’d seen he said they’d collided. Op has since updated to say it was a clear deliberate push under water. Obviously deliberate push/attempted drowning needs reporting asap.

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 23:26

Heavy downward pressure on my shoulder. Thats why I went down in a straight line underneath the water.

Theres no way you can do that accidentally or even without a very clear plan to do it.

The Royston Vasey of pools.

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 12/09/2022 23:26

OMG, that sounds awful. I'm really sorry that you had to put up with this. Of course it should be reported. This man sounds dreadful. But will the lifeguard back you up? If not, it may be hard to prove. Hope you're OK @RedEcho Flowers.

Edders71 · 12/09/2022 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What was she wearing? Why was she put on her own? Same energy.

ToppCat · 13/09/2022 00:01

I can well believe that happened to you, OP, as I have experienced some really poor behaviour from men in the pool and the lifeguards never call them out on it. I once had a guy kick me three times in the thigh when he was pushing off from the edge. I stopped him and told him if he kicked me again I was going to kick him in the balls. He got out of the pool pretty swiftly.

icefountain · 13/09/2022 00:06

"Sounds like the guy has mental health issues. I'd report to the swimming pool. Not sure the Police will do anything with the information."

@TooManyMoronsHere really?!

Tralalalalalalalalalala · 13/09/2022 00:07

It's assault. Male sounds unhinged. Report to police. This is why women need single sex spaces.

wellhelloitsme · 13/09/2022 00:16

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 23:23

First post Op says she felt pressure on her shoulder and when she asked lifeguard what he’d seen he said they’d collided. Op has since updated to say it was a clear deliberate push under water. Obviously deliberate push/attempted drowning needs reporting asap.

She said "I felt a pressure on my left shoulder and he pushed me down under the water."

Clearly she was describing a deliberate incident, the force of which was strong enough to push her body downwards.

OP I'm sorry people on the thread seem bizarrely invested in gaslighting you / implying you're lying?!

Fuck me, it's depressing.

MsRosley · 13/09/2022 00:17

I have to say its not all that unusual for people to be unreasonable aggrieved by people swimming faster than them, particularly men.

As someone who used to swim a lot, OP, I agree this is probably the most likely explanation for his behaviour. He just didn't like being outclassed.

MsRosley · 13/09/2022 00:22

OP, thinking about it, I wouldn't complain, I'd go to the police and tell them you were assaulted. They can get the CCTV and cut through the pool staff bullshit. Seriously, men like this should not be allowed to get away with it.

Geppili · 13/09/2022 00:22

Lane rage. Please report it. He sounds dangerous.

RootinandTootin · 13/09/2022 00:22

Report it directly as a complaint. I’d say the regular swimmers are all a bit weird. Think they own the lane. I know a woman who purposely kicks people as she passes if she perceived them to be too slow or if they splash her. Such entitled behaviour

GriddleScone · 13/09/2022 00:29

I can easily believe this. I swam competitively and sometimes trained during public sessions. So many weird incidents. There was the person that shuffled along the side of the pool to line up with all of my turns, then yelled that I'd kicked them. There was one woman that claimed I was eyeing up her boyfriend and wanted a fight outside. Seriously, head down, goggles on, I didn't even know who she was talking about. I've had men swim slowly side by side to intentionally block my lane. 'Accidentally' jumped on. I could go on.

Also a seaside pool in a small town...

RedEcho · 13/09/2022 00:34

Town beginning with a "E" by any chance?

OP posts:
GriddleScone · 13/09/2022 00:39

No, H. Sad to think there's more than one.

paisley256 · 13/09/2022 00:49

Report this asap. I'm so angry on your behalf. How dare he. You know what happened don't let anyone gaslight you. I'm so sorry you had this awful experience op.

LaBellina · 13/09/2022 00:55

Report him to the police. Post it on social media, there might be other women who have experienced the same and shame the swimming pool for essentially supporting a man assaulting a woman.

knackeredagain · 13/09/2022 00:55

I also suspect he didn’t like your swimming style. Doesn’t mean he can assault you though. I would definitely report it. You could have been badly injured and it’s definitely intimidating. They may say there isn’t any evidence but it still needs to be on record because if there are further issues with this man it can corroborate.

This is completely irrelevant to the thread but as a fellow swimmer, I’ve never seen anyone using a towfloat in a pool. Is that what you mean by pull buoy? I’ve only ever considered them for open water swimming.

nettie434 · 13/09/2022 01:45

What a horrible experience for you RedEcho. Reading your account reminded me that there was a similar report last year:

www.mylondon.news/news/uk-world-news/woman-dragged-held-underwater-feet-21039882

Like you, a number of other women reported they had had similar experiences. Sadly, the life guards were more sympathetic than the one in your pool.

I think you should report it as it feels as though experiences like yours are massively under reported.

Florelei · 13/09/2022 02:25

I had to leave my previous gym because of a similar incident.

I had a man physically push me out of the way so he could swim in a particular place. When I refused to move and he bumped into me a second time (he gave me a load of verbal abuse) they said it was my fault and that I should have moved out of his way because I knew he was there the second time.

It didn’t matter that I was there first and had been physically and verbally abused. No, what was important to them was that I didn’t move out of the place I was exercising because a man wanted my space and felt entitled to physically move me out of his way. I got no support from my gym so I left because I didn’t feel safe or supported as a woman.

I hope your gym is better than this!

Badgirlriri · 13/09/2022 03:18

Sounds a horrible experience and I’d report it to see if they had CCTV but I think this is a wild assumption.

I think what happened is that the man in the lane expected me to acknowledge him, chat to him a bit or something (I really feel uncomfortable talking to strangers in pools wearing just a swimsuit) and when I ignored him and just got on with swimming, he decided to do something to draw my attention to him, like a "she's not getting away with me ignoring me".

biscuiteer · 13/09/2022 03:33

How fucking dare he. Please report him abd the lifeguard for doing absolutely nothing. This would really shake me up- I hope you're ok.