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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Assaulted in the Swimming Pool - Worth Reporting?

294 replies

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:04

Name changed in case identifying.

Today I was at my local pool, which is always very quiet around this time of year. There is always one lane up, the pool was empty apart from one man swimming very slow breastroke up the middle of the lane. I headed for the lane, he saw me and so I started swimming up one side to go in the usual clockwise direction that is standard in lanes. I do a reasonably quick, efficient front crawl. The third time of doing this, he sort of paused as I passed him on the other side (I could see him under the water) and then I felt a pressure on my left shoulder and he pushed me down under the water.

I had a couple of moments of panic where you can't breathe and then he must have removed his hand and I bobbed up. Then he started shouting at me, I don't even know what. I told him to leave me alone. The lifeguard did nothing. I resumed swimming and tried not to make a fuss. He seemed to disappear after that.

At one point in my swim, I stopped to get my pull bouy at the end of the lane and he must have been in the showers opposite because the same man walked to the front of the lane and started shouting at me again. Something to do with swimming that he seemed to take great objection to and he asked me what I thought I was doing. I called the lifeguard over and he was rather blase and claimed that we had swam into each other. We had not. I actually cried out in shock quite loudly when I surfaced and the lifeguard admitted hearing this. The man deliberately assaulted me by putting his hand on my shoulder and pushing me under, and there had been plenty of room to pass. I told the man, repeatedly to leave me alone and said that I was here to swim. I had to shout at him 5 times to leave me alone while the lifeguard did nothing. Eventually he moved away.

Once I'd finished swimming I spoke to the lifeguard and asked him what he had seen/heard. He again claimed that we had swam into each other and was prevaricative when I asked why he hadn't told the man to leave me alone and why he didn't seem to understand what that meant. I realised I was getting nowhere with him as he was probably sticking up for the other man and left.

I think what happened is that the man in the lane expected me to acknowledge him, chat to him a bit or something (I really feel uncomfortable talking to strangers in pools wearing just a swimsuit) and when I ignored him and just got on with swimming, he decided to do something to draw my attention to him, like a "she's not getting away with me ignoring me".

I'm absolutely fuming though. You feel so vulnerable when you're in a swimsuit in an almost empty pool and it was a proper assault. I mean I'm not injured, but it was horrible. I won't use that pool again, I've heard of other people having similar troubles there and I'll use a different one further away, but is there any point at all in reporting this to the police? The lifeguard is obviously going to be of little or no help and the man is only going to claim I swam into him or some other made up story.

OP posts:
lljkk · 12/09/2022 21:26

I am confused by the oblivious lifeguard(s).

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 21:27

If you really feel like he was dangerous I’d email pool. It sounds more like he was trying to stop you or get your attention? If you’d really thought he’d tried to drown you you wouldn’t have carried on and lost sight of him. Why swim so close? He’s doing slow breaststroke in an empty pool and you go right near him and swim fast crawl which splashes and churns water up. It sounds like he was trying to object to your swimming.

ElephantLover · 12/09/2022 21:27

I think you should've gotten out of the water and made an immediate complaint to the manager/reception/whoever was in charge at that time. They could've then traced the man in question.
I doubt the lifeguard would've seen what happened underwater and why you cried out. Whether he wishes to or not he may just be unaware.
I wouldn't go back to a pool so callously managed. But worth making the noise so the man doesn't do it again. (Personally it would've shaken my swimming confidence entirely but it's good you are an experienced swimmer so you didn't suffer that)

Mosso · 12/09/2022 21:28

Yes report him

lljkk · 12/09/2022 21:29

Our lifeguards have some kind of underwater camera system. There was literally nothing else for OP's lifeguards to do but watch the cameras & the only 2 swimmers in the pool.

SnackSizeRaisin · 12/09/2022 21:30

Sounds like an unpleasant experience. You are a bit vague on what the man was saying to you or shouting at you. Was he not very clear? Foreign or a strong accent? Just wondering what his objection was. Or maybe he was just getting a kick out of bullying you. The lifeguards reaction is worrying.

Suzi888 · 12/09/2022 21:30

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 21:27

If you really feel like he was dangerous I’d email pool. It sounds more like he was trying to stop you or get your attention? If you’d really thought he’d tried to drown you you wouldn’t have carried on and lost sight of him. Why swim so close? He’s doing slow breaststroke in an empty pool and you go right near him and swim fast crawl which splashes and churns water up. It sounds like he was trying to object to your swimming.

By touching her? He made actual physical contact and then shouted at her!

OP report it, awful experience. I’m not a confidant swimmer so this would have scared the life out of me.

Meanderingpuppy · 12/09/2022 21:34

I hope you are OK. Definitely report to management (for yours and others safety).
Might they have CCTV?

AlbertaAnnie · 12/09/2022 21:35

i Would make a formal complaint to the management at the pool about the incident and the lifeguard who didn’t act! What if you were a nervous swimmer, so dangerous! Do they have a sign in/ out system or cameras so you can identify him and get him banned??

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:36

Its just so weird, the combination of that particular lifeguard and that particular man at the time I swim regularly. Neither are normally there.

I won't be swimming there again. Totally creeped out.

OP posts:
NewtoHolland · 12/09/2022 21:36

He sounds like an incel/psychopath! I'd report him to police then swimming pool would have to take notice.

AlbertaAnnie · 12/09/2022 21:37

Pun intended 😜

FabFitFifties · 12/09/2022 21:37

100% needs to be reported. Including the lifeguards inattention, despite it being a quiet time. He will most certainly do this again, and a less experienced swimmer could be panicked and get into real difficulties.

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:38

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 21:27

If you really feel like he was dangerous I’d email pool. It sounds more like he was trying to stop you or get your attention? If you’d really thought he’d tried to drown you you wouldn’t have carried on and lost sight of him. Why swim so close? He’s doing slow breaststroke in an empty pool and you go right near him and swim fast crawl which splashes and churns water up. It sounds like he was trying to object to your swimming.

It wasn't "swimming close". Its normal lane swimming etiquette. Plenty of room to pass in a swimming lane without any need for contact.

OP posts:
RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:40

SnackSizeRaisin · 12/09/2022 21:30

Sounds like an unpleasant experience. You are a bit vague on what the man was saying to you or shouting at you. Was he not very clear? Foreign or a strong accent? Just wondering what his objection was. Or maybe he was just getting a kick out of bullying you. The lifeguards reaction is worrying.

Difficult to hear him in the middle of the water. The second time he was in such a rage he was just shouting so aggressively that I kept telling him to leave me alone to make him stop. Something about "you were swimming blah blah".

I have to say its not all that unusual for people to be unreasonable aggrieved by people swimming faster than them, particularly men.

OP posts:
QweenT · 12/09/2022 21:41

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icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:41

I've NC for this, in case I do take mine further.

All you posters saying the OP might've imagined it, or was in the wrong lane. She was pushed under the water!

OP I'm a member at a local swimming pool and spa. The spa is a series of 5 saunas and steam rooms. Earlier this week a younger man than me (25 so he told me, wouldn't shut up telling me about himself tbh), seemed to keep coming into the steam room or sauna I was in. I was polite when he spoke to me but headed off into another room after a few moments each time.

There was nobody else in there and when I left one of the rooms to get dry he approached stupidly close and said "want to get wild with me? Come in the shower".

I'm old enough to be his mother, I hate that he did that and I just didn't know what to say. I'm no wallflower and my job involves dealing with aggressive men. Not in my swimming costume though, alone. I said "no" and walked back in to a dark bloody steam room ffs then shit myself for the next 5 minutes.

The lifeguard should be there to help you, please at least report it to their manager

TaysideTeuchter · 12/09/2022 21:42

I'm enraged on your behalf OP - sadly, you're not the only one to experience this kind of behavior:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/07/swimming-sexist-behaviour-british-pools-male-swimmers-men

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/lane-rage-its-time-to-make-a-splash-about-mens-bad-behaviour-in-the-swimming-pool-0kfs6tjxs

www.independent.co.uk/voices/swimming-abuse-women-catcalling-b1875324.html

(I'm aware the Times article is behind a paywall, but you can register for free to read the Independent one.)

TheOrigRights · 12/09/2022 21:42

Only read OP's posts.
If that had happened to me and the lifeguard had been so ineffective I would have gone to the front desk/reception and asked to speak to the management.

I would have done it right then to be sure the man was still at the pool.

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:43

NewtoHolland · 12/09/2022 21:36

He sounds like an incel/psychopath! I'd report him to police then swimming pool would have to take notice.

It does make you wonder...

Is there any point in reporting it? The police will just say no evidence.

Do public swimming pools really have cctv of people swimming? If so, whats the betting its not been working at that particular time?

Both men were quite a bit older, if that makes any difference.

OP posts:
QweenT · 12/09/2022 21:43

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Henddraig · 12/09/2022 21:43

Amazing the amount of victim blaming going on here. In what world is an acceptable consequence of swimming vaguely near to someone IN A PUBLIC POOL them pushing you under water?

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 21:43

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:38

It wasn't "swimming close". Its normal lane swimming etiquette. Plenty of room to pass in a swimming lane without any need for contact.

With all your updates it sounds deliberate and I’d report. The manager should speak to you and lifeguard. They may have cctv I’d do it asap.
I still can’t fathom carrying on swimming near him and losing sight of him if you were so sure he’d deliberately tried to drown you though.

icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:45

"Although awful your story doesn't really have anything to do with the OPs situation does it now

Considering the OPs didn't have a sexual element to it"

Sorry no, you're right in that sense. I waffled on a bit there (I've not told anyone until now 😬). I think my point was that it's worrying some men might be targeting women in pools/leisure centres when they're vulnerable

QweenT · 12/09/2022 21:46

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