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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Assaulted in the Swimming Pool - Worth Reporting?

294 replies

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:04

Name changed in case identifying.

Today I was at my local pool, which is always very quiet around this time of year. There is always one lane up, the pool was empty apart from one man swimming very slow breastroke up the middle of the lane. I headed for the lane, he saw me and so I started swimming up one side to go in the usual clockwise direction that is standard in lanes. I do a reasonably quick, efficient front crawl. The third time of doing this, he sort of paused as I passed him on the other side (I could see him under the water) and then I felt a pressure on my left shoulder and he pushed me down under the water.

I had a couple of moments of panic where you can't breathe and then he must have removed his hand and I bobbed up. Then he started shouting at me, I don't even know what. I told him to leave me alone. The lifeguard did nothing. I resumed swimming and tried not to make a fuss. He seemed to disappear after that.

At one point in my swim, I stopped to get my pull bouy at the end of the lane and he must have been in the showers opposite because the same man walked to the front of the lane and started shouting at me again. Something to do with swimming that he seemed to take great objection to and he asked me what I thought I was doing. I called the lifeguard over and he was rather blase and claimed that we had swam into each other. We had not. I actually cried out in shock quite loudly when I surfaced and the lifeguard admitted hearing this. The man deliberately assaulted me by putting his hand on my shoulder and pushing me under, and there had been plenty of room to pass. I told the man, repeatedly to leave me alone and said that I was here to swim. I had to shout at him 5 times to leave me alone while the lifeguard did nothing. Eventually he moved away.

Once I'd finished swimming I spoke to the lifeguard and asked him what he had seen/heard. He again claimed that we had swam into each other and was prevaricative when I asked why he hadn't told the man to leave me alone and why he didn't seem to understand what that meant. I realised I was getting nowhere with him as he was probably sticking up for the other man and left.

I think what happened is that the man in the lane expected me to acknowledge him, chat to him a bit or something (I really feel uncomfortable talking to strangers in pools wearing just a swimsuit) and when I ignored him and just got on with swimming, he decided to do something to draw my attention to him, like a "she's not getting away with me ignoring me".

I'm absolutely fuming though. You feel so vulnerable when you're in a swimsuit in an almost empty pool and it was a proper assault. I mean I'm not injured, but it was horrible. I won't use that pool again, I've heard of other people having similar troubles there and I'll use a different one further away, but is there any point at all in reporting this to the police? The lifeguard is obviously going to be of little or no help and the man is only going to claim I swam into him or some other made up story.

OP posts:
WavePlant · 12/09/2022 21:46

Police tonight to get things in progress and go and speak to the pool manager first thing tomorrow. He’ll be on CCTV somewhere even if reception etc and you can pick him out ready for the police.

Summerfun54321 · 12/09/2022 21:46

I’ve never ever seen someone shout or push someone else under water whilst swimming. He sounds really dangerous, definitely definitely report to the pool for the welfare of all other pool users.

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:47

TaysideTeuchter · 12/09/2022 21:42

I'm enraged on your behalf OP - sadly, you're not the only one to experience this kind of behavior:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/07/swimming-sexist-behaviour-british-pools-male-swimmers-men

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/lane-rage-its-time-to-make-a-splash-about-mens-bad-behaviour-in-the-swimming-pool-0kfs6tjxs

www.independent.co.uk/voices/swimming-abuse-women-catcalling-b1875324.html

(I'm aware the Times article is behind a paywall, but you can register for free to read the Independent one.)

Haven't read all of the article, but from the beginning, this one is very similar to what it was like and the way the man was shouting at me.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/swimming-abuse-women-catcalling-b1875324.html

OP posts:
icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:47

"I still can’t fathom carrying on swimming near him and losing sight of him if you were so sure he’d deliberately tried to drown you though."

This is also what I meant. I'm always standing up against violent men, it's my job. Yet I wandered into a dark sauna and just said "no" Confused

icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:48

"Why would the lifeguard be colluding with the man who pushed you under"

He's not. Just avoiding confrontation maybe. The man sounds unhinged

SnackSizeRaisin · 12/09/2022 21:49

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:40

Difficult to hear him in the middle of the water. The second time he was in such a rage he was just shouting so aggressively that I kept telling him to leave me alone to make him stop. Something about "you were swimming blah blah".

I have to say its not all that unusual for people to be unreasonable aggrieved by people swimming faster than them, particularly men.

Sounds like he was annoyed at you swimming in the lane or passing him. A completely unreasonable over reaction though! I think best make a complaint to the pool. The man should be barred. The problem is it sounds like the lifeguard didn't see what happened and is lying to hide that. Then he was obviously too scared to get involved in the argument. So you can't rely on any support there. Can you team up with the person who experienced similar to complain? Ask about CCTV as well

QweenT · 12/09/2022 21:49

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BogRollBOGOF · 12/09/2022 21:50

I'd report to the leisure centre management at least and possibly the police as there's potential to build up a picture of any similar incidents.

You're not going to mistake being held under the water for any casual collision and anything that inhibits your stroke is alarming. A drowning incident could easily be caused by such behaviour.

icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:50

@QweenT wouldn't hurt for her to raise her concerns and as others have said, maybe there's cctv or something

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:51

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 21:43

With all your updates it sounds deliberate and I’d report. The manager should speak to you and lifeguard. They may have cctv I’d do it asap.
I still can’t fathom carrying on swimming near him and losing sight of him if you were so sure he’d deliberately tried to drown you though.

After it happened, he went into the main pool and then must have climbed out quite quickly. He didn't seem terribly interested in swimming tbh, he seemed far more interested in creating some kind of fight/argument.

OP posts:
whereamu · 12/09/2022 21:52

Ask for the cctv footage in your complaint and say you will be reporting to the police and head office.
Was the lifeguard young? They are really young were I am and I could see them not knowing how to handle a situation like that.

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:53

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Because the lifeguard (who was positioned exactly across from where it happened) started doing that thing of talking over me and trying to deny everything I said, and just using far too many words to say anything. I therefore got the impression that he was trying to shut me down. I did not say that he "colluded" with the man but I felt he was certainly in some way supportive of him.

OP posts:
icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:53

"He didn't seem terribly interested in swimming tbh, he seemed far more interested in creating some kind of fight/argument."

Report him to the leisure centre OP and I'll report mine. I'm back there tomorrow. I'll be honest, I went back today and every time someone walked in I dreaded it being him.

santorinii · 12/09/2022 21:53

When you report it, you need to be clear with what actually happened. Don’t try and guess his thoughts or his intentions. Just simply say this man purposely held me down under the water unprovoked and it scared you. The waffle of your post makes it hard to understand the seriousness of what happened

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:54

whereamu · 12/09/2022 21:52

Ask for the cctv footage in your complaint and say you will be reporting to the police and head office.
Was the lifeguard young? They are really young were I am and I could see them not knowing how to handle a situation like that.

No, older man. The younger lifeguards there are normally very good, and they are regular. This lifeguard I've only seen there more occasionally.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 12/09/2022 21:54

The lifeguard should have a radio he can call for support from when my son fell poolside the lifeguard didn't move but a first aider appeared out of nowhere and the manager dropped in too because he had called for them

newbiename · 12/09/2022 21:55

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Nice victim blaming.

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:55

icefountain · 12/09/2022 21:47

"I still can’t fathom carrying on swimming near him and losing sight of him if you were so sure he’d deliberately tried to drown you though."

This is also what I meant. I'm always standing up against violent men, it's my job. Yet I wandered into a dark sauna and just said "no" Confused

I haven't got to be a good swimmer by stopping swimming for stupid men.

OP posts:
LexMitior · 12/09/2022 21:55

That lifeguard is in a world of trouble the moment you report this, so ignore him and make the report.

Chocolatesandroses · 12/09/2022 21:56

How scary for you op , hope your ok and defiantly report it xxx

RedEcho · 12/09/2022 21:57

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I'm sorry, but wtaf?

Is there a reason you invented this little fantasy?

OP posts:
newbiename · 12/09/2022 21:58

Dixiechickonhols · 12/09/2022 21:27

If you really feel like he was dangerous I’d email pool. It sounds more like he was trying to stop you or get your attention? If you’d really thought he’d tried to drown you you wouldn’t have carried on and lost sight of him. Why swim so close? He’s doing slow breaststroke in an empty pool and you go right near him and swim fast crawl which splashes and churns water up. It sounds like he was trying to object to your swimming.

So it's ok to push her under ?

Tweetle · 12/09/2022 21:58

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Tamworthian · 12/09/2022 21:58

The victim blanking reminds me of the woman who was pushed into the path of a bus by a man jogger in Putney - all the people online wondering what she did to deserve it, as though even if she had mildly inconvenienced a male with her presence it would somehow justify it 🙄

SnackSizeRaisin · 12/09/2022 21:59

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Kind of agree. Why would you initially say it was because you didn't speak to him and then say it was because you swam too fast? And saying you had no idea what he was shouting about is odd too. And why shout back at someone who is being aggressive. Surely it is better just to either remain quiet or walk away. Shouting 5 X at someone to leave you alone isn't going to help....