To feel Day long dread

[shonapop]

No matter what I have on in the evening, say a yoga class, gym class meeting a friend I dread it and over think it all day. My mind can only be quiet if I have no plans and then I am happy. Does this mean I'm just a massive recluse? Anyone else? When I have done the thing I wonder what the fuss was about.

Honestly? I feel day long excitement, looking forward to the relaxing yoga class or fun meet up. It can really brighten my day having plans in the evening, unless I am too tired in which case I will cancel. What are you anxious about? Do you have irrational anxiety in other areas of life?

I get anxiety like this too. I usually try to remind myself that I'll enjoy the activity when I get there and I'll be glad afterwards that I did it.

I relate to this somewhat OP. I feel at my most contented when I know there is nothing ‘hanging over me’ later in the day (even if it’s something pleasant that I know I will enjoy). Glad to know I’m not the only one!

Are you anticipating things going wrong while you're out?
Is that why you overthink it all?

Are you tired? Would you be better arranging this for, say, weekend mornings & going out before you can overthink things?

Are you NT? My daughter has aspergers and thinks the same way, & I am just a happy hermit who loves home, but I do have to get out now & again otherwise might slide into feeling down..

I often feel like this too, OP, even when I know I will enjoy the activity. When I'm at home I don't have to perform at all: when I'm out, even when it's fun, I feel a bit on show.

Sounds like bog standard anxiety. Look into prescribed medication or CBT.

I get this although mine is not (always) dread, it's more I can't relax until I have no plans or people to see.

Doesn't really matter if it's a fun thing, I just can't settle knowing there is an event to come.

Also nothing worse for me than other people adding extra plans after an event!

I'm like this too... even if I know I will enjoy whatever has been planned. I find I'm better when I have things planned on a weekday when I'm at work. If I have to go out on a sat or sun eve I can't relax all day and feel on edge

*I get this although mine is not (always) dread, it's more I can't relax until I have no plans or people to see.

Doesn't really matter if it's a fun thing, I just can't settle knowing there is an event to come.*

You’ve articulated exactly how I feel. Not really dread but just feeling unsettled.

Sorry, meant to bold rather than italicise.

I'm the same. I rarely do anything on the evenings anymore, to be fair I'm shattered come 6pm. 😅
If I do it's on a weekday, so I don't dread it all week.

I'm the same as Hereforthedramaz - not obvious anxiety, more restlessness. I think it's connected with childhood trauma/anxiety though in that I have lots of things "open" in my head they are constantly taking up bandwidth because as a child there were consequences for forgetting things so my brain does it because it still thinks it's keeping me safe.

It's the same with work, productivity advice tells you to do the most important thing first, but if I haven't done a lot of the little things my brain won't let me settle down to do the important thing, so I have to get those things out of the way first. Sometimes writing them on a list or scheduling them or setting an alarm on my phone so I don't forget can help but not completely.

I'm exactly the same - always have been, since I was a small child. The only things I don't get that anxiety/dread over are theatre/cinema trips. I even get it before gigs that I chose to book the tickets for. I usually enjoy the things when I actually do them, but they weigh on my mind the whole time. Sometimes it's worse than others, but it's always there.

I get it for all work things as well, even routine meetings.

I am on medication for depression and anxiety (not specifically for that one thing, but for more general mental health issues) and that has eased it a bit, but I think I've just learned to live with it.

I only get this before events that involve other people. If I decide to go to the cinema on my own, I don't worry about it. If I go with a friend, I do.

I get this. I'm demand avoidant, which is an element of my ASD. Anything pencilled in gives me instant dread.

I'm so glad I'm not alone. A lot of the activities I do are in a bid to try and make friends as I feel I should actually have some. It's possibly the pressure of feeling I've got to make a good impression.

I feel like this for certain things too. Like slimming world this evening 😂 it's always fine when I get there. I'm a very anxious person.

Yes, I'm just the same... sometimes if I know I've got something going on in the morning I can't sleep not exactly worrying about it but something's going on. I'd much rather have a day free, demand avoidant is the perfect description.

God, people feel excited about things? I feel dread about any looming plans - it doesn’t matter whether or not I actually want to do it, and it’s not overthinking or thinking things will go wrong. I can literally have had no thoughts about it other than “dinner with DP at the pub after work”, and it can be something I enjoy with someone I love but I still feel dread! I’ve always been the same and it doesn’t mean anything about the event at all, as I usually enjoy it. But this is one reason why I could
never join a club or team as my day would be ruined every week with it hanging over me. I hate obligations to be honest.

It's the same with work, productivity advice tells you to do the most important thing first, but if I haven't done a lot of the little things my brain won't let me settle down to do the important thing, so I have to get those things out of the way first.

Gosh yes. This is presumably why I end up tidying, decluttering and sharpening umpteen pencils before I feel I can sit down and do the actual important task. I can’t sit down to do work if my surroundings are cluttered or disordered.

I get this. Autistic though.

I have had this all my life, even stuff I really want to do - and Neurotypical as far as I know. I still do lots of stuff, all the time, but I never really want to. I'd rather stay home and read.

Is the yoga class genuinely fun for you or something you think you should be enjoying?

Are you picking the activities you want to do, or what Instagram says are the right activities that 'people with full lives' (whatever that means) enjoy?

I'm happiest in the evening on the sofa with a good book after going for a nice long run. Of course, running and reading don't involve spending money, so our capitalist consumer society says that such activities make us into loners. we should be 'making memories' doing hot yoga, going to that fashionable bar (where you have to queue for a seat and take lots of pix for IG) or going to a spin class (hell fancy and expensive way to ride a stationary bike).

Screw what people say and do what YOU want to do in your leisure time. Then, you won't spend all day dreading it :-)

I've always had this, assumed everyone did. 😊

I'm the same, even if I have something I really wanted to do planned - last Friday I had tickets to a comedy gig which I booked nearly a year ago and the whole day I was hoping it would be cancelled because of the queens death. No idea why really! It wasn't cancelled and I had a great time.

This happens to me a lot though, to be fair I have three young kids and a job and pets and all the associated 'stuff' which causes me stress on a day to day basis. Having evening plans can kind of seem like another 'chore' or commitment, on top of a long list that I already have. I am trying to be more sociable and do more outside the house, because I think lockdowns made me a bit more introverted and that's not a great thing if you are like that in the first place.

Try and figure out what might make it easier for you. For me if it's a social thing I've realised I'd rather drive than be able to have a drink. I do like a drink but the added to img of taxis/public transport and maybe not being able to leave when I want isn't worth it.

Anticipatory anxiety, very common, and a bit of a nuisance.