To feel Day long dread

[shonapop]

No matter what I have on in the evening, say a yoga class, gym class meeting a friend I dread it and over think it all day. My mind can only be quiet if I have no plans and then I am happy. Does this mean I'm just a massive recluse? Anyone else? When I have done the thing I wonder what the fuss was about.

I get this too

I feel the opposite. I have two DCs age 5 and 1 so if I have a chance to actually do something other than the tedious routine of dinner, bath, bed, tidying up, finally slumping on the sofa at 9pm then I am ecstatic about it all day in advance

I think one of the PPs said some thorn really illuminating about it being a hatred of obligation. Does that resonate with you OP?

I generally resent having to go out in the evening, with the exception of taking the kids to clubs. I like to be home in the evening. Nothing wrong with that.we're all different. I probably wouldn't say I dread it though, perhaps that is a bit of anxiety your dealing with too.

I get round this by exercising in the morning. If I leave it to the evening I spend all day arguing with myself about ‘you should go’ ‘but I’m tired’ ‘but you’ll feel better’ ‘but I’d rather slump in front of Corrie’….

If I exercise at 6:30am I only have 10 minutes between waking up and putting my trainers on to have that debate.

Obviously that doesn’t work for other plans like going to the pub!

My anxiety is always with me, as soon as I wake up, thinking about getting the kids up for school and getting there. Then driving to work. My jobs the least stressful job you’ll get. It does seem a bit better lately Iv upped my citralapram dose.

Gosh definitely not alone! I range from just not being able to settle to really dreading the 'thing'.

Boring appointments are less of an issue than things that have an open ended finish time. I. E. Dentist... I know I'll be in and out within 30 mins even for a filling. This I can deal with although it'll hang over my day. Social meet with a friend or friend visiting, even a very good friend.. I can't envisage clearly when they'll leave or it ends, so I dread it 😅 ridiculous! And I'm getting worse with age (and peri 🙄)

I'm soo much happier with no plans!

This is why I love Mumsnet- it gives me an insight in to how other people feel. I am exactly like this too- it’s not anxiety exactly but more of an unsettled feeling if I have plans later in the day. One thing I do find though is I generally feel better if I go ahead with the plans as if I cancel I just feel a bit bleurgh. I do feel relieved when someone else cancels though!

I feel like this with certain things, eg a dinner with people I’m not super close to, so I know I have to “perform” or a big work meeting, almost like the feeling of end of exams when the event has passed, like yipee I’m free! I also love the feeling of zero plans and get really miffed if this is spoilt. But if I go too long without any plans then I start to get FOMO and anxious too. The best moments are when I’ve made it past the dreaded plans, and can relax the next evenings/weekends - so I’m satisfied that I’ve done enough but then get to revel in the glory of no plans.

I wouldn’t dread an enjoyable no socialisation activity like yoga though, but would probably regret the commitment to the activity in the hours before having to get out of the house for it - this i just put down to laziness though 🤣

At the start of Covid I was really scared of me or my loved ones dying - I am normal CEV but not like people who are immunosuppressed. Anyway, I was so relieved when we had our first lockdown as it meant I would have no pressure on me to go out, or to have visitors. I think this is the first time I have been honest with myself about that, nevermind anyone else. I have already been on anti-depressants for many years, but I think having realised this that I probably need extra help. I think you should talk to your GP about how you feel OP.

I absolutely understand how you feel. There is nothing like the bliss of having no plans or sometimes, even better, unexpected cancelled plans by the other person. Like winning a prize!

I am fine with the making of the plans because it is in the future but when the time is drawing near...the dread starts.

It's not a thing to beat yourself up about. If it's been going on for most of your life it isn't going to change now. What can change is your attitude towards it. No shame if it doesn't work out. Reducing demands if necessary.

Yep this is me. I'm happiest at home with a book and am very much the introvert which is not a popular thing to say but it's me and who I am.

I feel you OP. More increasingly I just want no plans and no commitments. I cba to wait in queues at bars, i dont want to pay extortionate prices for food/drink/tickets. I always feel like I'm on show when out out and I can never relax. Going out isn't relaxing for me and tbh it never has been really. It's more of a chore. I also spend the eve comparing myself to others around me. In my mind everyone looks better than me, regardless. Then I feel shit about myself. I don't get drunk anymore as I hate the feeling the next day but these days even after a few drinks I feel crap the next day. I'm not hanging but just not myself/on top of things. I would rather a low key meal and drinks at a mates and home by 10pm at the latest. That way I can relax in bed with a cuppa at home.

Also too add - I do enjoy seeing my friends though. There is a local bar we go to and its very informal which I like. Its more the bigger and busier places I don't like going to

I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. I thought I was depressed, but actually it seems quite a common way to feel reading all the responses. I get dread if I look at my calendar and there is too much booked in socially. It overwhelms me and I think, when am I going to have time just to do nothing or get jobs done. I really struggle to say no, especially if someone gives me an open invite ... let me know when you are free in October, blah blah blah.
I love my friends but I'm happy seeing them every once in a while and the rest of the time, I just want to be with my family or alone.
How do you all limit your social diaries, do you just say that you're busy, even when you're not?

Glad I'm not alone. Feeling a bit more 'normal' now that I know so many feel the same.

Don't put pressure on yourself to enjoy things you don't actually like. Find things you do like and do that instead.

I feel exactly the same and also why I loved the lockdowns.
I am not so bad at the weekend but week nights it really hangs over me. I worry I won't have enough down time before the next busy day. I also usually have a good time when I go to places. Agree I don't get this if it was the cinema but I rarely go anyway. Exercise is a chore and I make excuses.

After a holiday I need at least 4 days before I have any plans at all. As I feel drained.

I don’t feel dread exactly, but I’m always quite nervous and struggle to relax if I know I’m doing something later that day (even if it’s something really nice!).

I'm 100% like this too. Heading out to a team sport (which I love!) in half an hour and have been thinking about it all day. Would much rather be staying home in my pjs watching tv!

I don't get anxious but I sometimes irrationally struggle to do things beforehand because I feel like I don't have time, even if I obviously do. E.g. if I need to tidy up, I'll sometimes feel like I can't because I have to go out at 6pm, even if that's not for another four hours. I try to plan things for the morning instead where possible just to stop myself wasting the whole day.

I totally get this. I know a lot of people found lockdown very difficult but I loved there being no pressure to go anywhere.
I make plans because I think I should but I always regret them. Though I usually do enjoy whatever it is when I get there.
I've really tried to keep it to the minimum since lockdown ended.