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Grandparents visiting

34 replies

MCMP13 · 12/09/2022 14:47

I have been home from hospital for a week with my 8 day old baby. Our parents have both seen him 2/3 times each already however they are wanting to come round more or wanting us to visit them. I *keep trying to explain to them that I’m recovering and we are trying to settle into our new life with a baby but they don’t understand. They both live within 10 minutes away and I do feel bad that I have to keep saying no.

A*IBU to keep asking them for space? How often do you think is reasonable for grandparents to be around? I feel like they think they are missing out but he is only 8 days old! X

OP posts:

QweenT · 12/09/2022 15:41

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mamatoTails · 12/09/2022 15:42

I suppose everyone is different, but I loved people coming to visit after all of my children were born.

I would feel awful telling grandparents I didn't want them to visit!

Personally I find it strange that some people want to stay home, rest and spend time with just baby and husband, and minimise visitors-

Just as some people think I was strange for getting back out and about as normal from the day after my babies were born.

But you have to do what you feel is right for you, and your little family.


QweenT · 12/09/2022 15:42

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LallieUK · 16/10/2022 10:11

Please never feel guilty for decisions you make for wellbeing not just now but always. I'm due to be a Grandparent any day. I have shown a lot of interest throughout the pregnancy, respected boundaries and will continue to do so even if I'm a little hurt. It's their baby not mine. There is a two week no visitor's rule in place initially and after that it is 'wait and see' how they are doing, parents sleeping as well as baby. I'm due to have an operation in November so mentioned it may take me to after Christmas if longer than three weeks and was told 'that would make life easier'. I don't even know what I will be called and have deferred to whatever the other Grandparent's wish first. I said just ten minutes or whilst they slept or went alone for a walk but no, they are fine and if I wish not to upset anyone I will keep quiet. So cups of tea and many visits dear poster, is a bridge too far, you call the shots. The new family are those who are important. For me, well I have time after to offer babysitting, child care, sleep overs if asked and anything else I get offered, later. I put an advertisement in a local shop for 'an adoptive Granny with pay' when I had my son as my own Mother wanting paying by the hour. I will never be her, it will be an honour to be as much a part of their lives as is possible. Make your own path's young Mum's, it's up to the parents and no one else. Much Love to you all xx


Youcancallmeirrelevant · 16/10/2022 10:14

Well my mum came round everyday after my DS was born, she came for a quick cuddle with him, to see me and to do a bit of cleaning for us.

If they want to come round so much put them to good use! Send them a list of stuff you need from tesco, send them home with some washing for you, or hand them the hoover once they have had their baby cuddles


Youcancallmeirrelevant · 16/10/2022 10:16

Also the newborn stage is so short for other people to have cuddles with baby, without them kicking off. Just be careful if you limit visitors too much in the early days. We did 1 visit a day for first 2 weeks to get everyone round, then after that we started to get our new little routine going.


PoundOfNesh · 16/10/2022 10:36

YANBU for wanting space, but I do always find it a bit jarring how common this is on here

My parents and other family moved in when I gave birth to mine to help out, support with night feeds, clean, tidy, cook, help with visitors etc. I had someone else in the house every day for 6 weeks until I was able to drive again after my ELCS.

I’ve never had a friend give birth and get precious over visitors and most actively enjoyed the help, parenting can be pretty shit and lonely, it’s sometimes short sighted to turn away support to form a ‘bubble’


Campervangirl · 16/10/2022 10:44

I'm always interested in these threads as when I had dd 30+ plus years ago family just stomped over any boundaries.
Now dd is TTC I'm using these threads to make sure I don't make the same mistakes.
Yanbu, you need to set boundaries and bond with your baby, good luck though as dgp's probably won't take it well


Dinoteeth · 16/10/2022 10:47

Ops baby is now about 6wks, op hasn't been back to the thread.

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