Grandparents visiting

[MCMP13]

I have been home from hospital for a week with my 8 day old baby. Our parents have both seen him 2/3 times each already however they are wanting to come round more or wanting us to visit them. I *keep trying to explain to them that I’m recovering and we are trying to settle into our new life with a baby but they don’t understand. They both live within 10 minutes away and I do feel bad that I have to keep saying no.

A*IBU to keep asking them for space? How often do you think is reasonable for grandparents to be around? I feel like they think they are missing out but he is only 8 days old! X

[Dinoteeth]

Ops baby is now about 6wks, op hasn't been back to the thread.

[Campervangirl]

I'm always interested in these threads as when I had dd 30+ plus years ago family just stomped over any boundaries.
Now dd is TTC I'm using these threads to make sure I don't make the same mistakes.
Yanbu, you need to set boundaries and bond with your baby, good luck though as dgp's probably won't take it well

[PoundOfNesh]

YANBU for wanting space, but I do always find it a bit jarring how common this is on here

My parents and other family moved in when I gave birth to mine to help out, support with night feeds, clean, tidy, cook, help with visitors etc. I had someone else in the house every day for 6 weeks until I was able to drive again after my ELCS.

I’ve never had a friend give birth and get precious over visitors and most actively enjoyed the help, parenting can be pretty shit and lonely, it’s sometimes short sighted to turn away support to form a ‘bubble’

[Youcancallmeirrelevant]

Also the newborn stage is so short for other people to have cuddles with baby, without them kicking off. Just be careful if you limit visitors too much in the early days. We did 1 visit a day for first 2 weeks to get everyone round, then after that we started to get our new little routine going.

[Youcancallmeirrelevant]

Well my mum came round everyday after my DS was born, she came for a quick cuddle with him, to see me and to do a bit of cleaning for us.

If they want to come round so much put them to good use! Send them a list of stuff you need from tesco, send them home with some washing for you, or hand them the hoover once they have had their baby cuddles

[LallieUK]

Please never feel guilty for decisions you make for wellbeing not just now but always. I'm due to be a Grandparent any day. I have shown a lot of interest throughout the pregnancy, respected boundaries and will continue to do so even if I'm a little hurt. It's their baby not mine. There is a two week no visitor's rule in place initially and after that it is 'wait and see' how they are doing, parents sleeping as well as baby. I'm due to have an operation in November so mentioned it may take me to after Christmas if longer than three weeks and was told 'that would make life easier'. I don't even know what I will be called and have deferred to whatever the other Grandparent's wish first. I said just ten minutes or whilst they slept or went alone for a walk but no, they are fine and if I wish not to upset anyone I will keep quiet. So cups of tea and many visits dear poster, is a bridge too far, you call the shots. The new family are those who are important. For me, well I have time after to offer babysitting, child care, sleep overs if asked and anything else I get offered, later. I put an advertisement in a local shop for 'an adoptive Granny with pay' when I had my son as my own Mother wanting paying by the hour. I will never be her, it will be an honour to be as much a part of their lives as is possible. Make your own path's young Mum's, it's up to the parents and no one else. Much Love to you all xx

[mamatoTails]

I suppose everyone is different, but I loved people coming to visit after all of my children were born.

I would feel awful telling grandparents I didn't want them to visit!

Personally I find it strange that some people want to stay home, rest and spend time with just baby and husband, and minimise visitors-

Just as some people think I was strange for getting back out and about as normal from the day after my babies were born.

But you have to do what you feel is right for you, and your little family.

[ChateauMargaux]

www.amazon.co.uk/Postnatal-Recovery-Matters-Pinter-Martin/dp/178066625X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2KW6IRJOYSQ0D&amp%3Bkeywords=why%20postpartum%20matters&amp%3Bqid=1662993254&amp%3Bsprefix=why%20postpartum%20matters%2Caps%2C2506&amp%3Bsr=8-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Order this book for both of them... ask them to read it.. and get your husband to skim through a copy.. basically.. 4 pillars.. rest, nutrition, bodywork, social.. if they are taking the baby so you can rest, eat food they have provided then that's ok if agreed.. outside of that, you get to define what social interaction is right for you.

[Kissingfrogs25]

Why on earth would you enjoy serving cups and cups of tea having just given birth out of interest? Given they have each been over three times on day 8 - that is a lot of hosting for any new parent. Just wondering why it was fun for you?

[SweetLittlePixie]

@Aubriella

No mum wants to make cups of tea 8 days post partum.

My mum moved in with me when i gave birth the first time, because i lived half way across the world. DHs mother basically moved in too and only went home to sleep. If anyone was making tea, then it was them for me.
I was really glad for the help (they were both actually helpful) and I enjoyed the time with both of them. I think I would hve gone crazy on my own with baby all day.

[Kissingfrogs25]

@Nanny0gg

Of course! It wasn't my suggestion that they should be there, I just wondered if they were useful when they were!

Hopefully they are not like my visitors, expecting to be waited on hand and foot, and meals as well. MIL even going as far as 'ordering' glasses of wine from dh who could barely stand up he was so tired.
I do hope they are/were useful, but even if they are Op might just want to wear her PJS, sleep, not brush her hair or tidy the house and just spend time with her newborn. That is not unreasonable.

[Kissingfrogs25]

Well op clearly doesn't want to qween. There is plenty of time to host, but the first few weeks are so essential for bonding and healing, and getting to know the baby. Pushing to visit a new mother is really poor form, especially as they have visited so much already.

I get they are excited but they need to wait!

[Nanny0gg]

@Kissingfrogs25

I didn't want anyone holding my baby and wanted time to bond with her on my own. I couldn't deal with this level of intrusion.

2/3 times in just 8 days is already a hell of a lot.
Stop answering their calls and texts and ask dh to tell them you are enjoying the time together as a family and you will be in touch when you are ready for visitors.

Establish some boundaries op. It is your baby and your house. Your choice.

Wouldn't it be better if they were cooking or dropping off tea rather than sat there holding the baby?! nanny 🙄

Of course! It wasn't my suggestion that they should be there, I just wondered if they were useful when they were!

[Nanny0gg]

I know. But my point was, were they also making life even harder for the OP

[Aubriella]

No mum wants to make cups of tea 8 days post partum.

[Kissingfrogs25]

I didn't want anyone holding my baby and wanted time to bond with her on my own. I couldn't deal with this level of intrusion.

2/3 times in just 8 days is already a hell of a lot.
Stop answering their calls and texts and ask dh to tell them you are enjoying the time together as a family and you will be in touch when you are ready for visitors.

Establish some boundaries op. It is your baby and your house. Your choice.

Wouldn't it be better if they were cooking or dropping off tea rather than sat there holding the baby?! nanny 🙄

[Nanny0gg]

Are they helping or sitting there cuddling while you make the tea?

[OriginalUsername3]

Once a week is plenty imo! You have each set of in laws. Different friends. Health visitor. And trying to work out how to care for a baby and keep yourselves alive.

I don't understand how people so easily ignore the needs of new parents and just think about what they want so I have no idea what you can say to them to get in their heads that, quite frankly, what you want is more important than what they want.

[Creepymanonagoatfarm]

First thing tomorrow generic messages to all.
Sorry we aren't up for visitors today - dh will update you on dc later incase I am napping...
And repeat.

[Namechanger965]

YANBU. That’s a lot of visits in a short space of time. I would probably try and keep it at once a week each. Their interest may cool off a bit once the initial newborn stage is over though. And if not you can always use going to baby groups as a reason to be busy.