AIBU?
Do I need legal advice? He left.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 12:35
Husband walked out but is coming back as he can't move out right away. I only work part time and seeking more work now. But as yet he's been the breadwinner.
I have no savings nor assets. Child is not biologically his and I will facilitate their relationship happily.
We'll have to discuss how rent is paid etc. and I want to go halves but not really possible given my lowly income.
Do I need legal advice or should I just play it by ear? I'm socially housed, he is not a joint tenant.
Am I being unreasonable?
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sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:11
Lockheart · 12/09/2022 12:41
Why would he have to pay any rent if he is not living there? The child is not his and nor is the tenancy.
You need legal advice OP, and I would step up the search for work urgently.
He wouldn't. He lives here and has nowhere else yet.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:12
Lockheart · 12/09/2022 12:41
Why would he have to pay any rent if he is not living there? The child is not his and nor is the tenancy.
You need legal advice OP, and I would step up the search for work urgently.
What do I need legal advice on? I don't want him to pay me anything, just want to be able to afford my rent and can't claim UC until he is out.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:13
Lockheart · 12/09/2022 12:43
Because there is a legal marriage ending there may be changes to benefits claimed and assets of the marriage to divide. It's not quite as simple as he can just leave, like he could if they were not married.
But as the tenancy is OPs and the child is not his, it's very very unlikely any court would grant OP any maintenance or rent!
ICanHideButICantRun · 12/09/2022 12:40
If your home is in your name and your child isn't his, can't he just go and leave you to it?
Will you get help with rent from benefits?
I don't want to go to court or ask any legal payments from him. It's not about that, it's about anything I've missed. This is my first marriage, first divorce. If he moves out, all good really, but we both work from home and he works here all day and can't just up and go, he needs internet to work and things. This is upsetting for us both but we are both reasonable people.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:14
PenguinLove1 · 12/09/2022 12:43
If the house is just in your name and the child isnt his why are you expecting him to pay half the rent?
Does he have savings etc that will become marital assets? If so Then yes see a solicitor as you would normally be entitled to half what had been build up During the marriage
If there are no assets/savings then im not sure you can ask him to pay your rent - maybe best to start a new UC claim as a single parent, that might help with your rent?
He does have savings but I don't actually want to claim them. I just want him to move out so I can manage alone. But he can't as he works from home and needs internet and I won't be kicking him out full stop. I'm not asking to get anything from him, just wondering if I've missed any reason I'd need legal advice.
I guess not if I don't want to claim anything from him.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:16
Sugarplumfairy65 · 12/09/2022 12:46
The tenancy is in your name so you dont need to allow him back in.
He has no legal obligation to financially support you, your child or the house.
You need to contact universal credit today and start a claim.
Also. Contact the child support services and make a claim for support from the child's biological father
I can't claim until he moves out though is what I've read. Though we can still be married. I'll have to see what he wants to do but if he does not want to move out right away I would go halves on the rent. I think that's fair?
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:17
StarDolphins · 12/09/2022 12:56
For people asking why he has to pay rent - he’s moving back in isn’t he? That is why!
He hasn't moved out, that's right. I thought I had said so yes. He lives here, it's his home for the past five years. He will leave ultimately, but you can't just leave asap when you need to work from home. We both work from home. I work around school pick ups and want to claim UC until I can gain an outside the home job alongside my other work.
This isn't about wanting handouts from him. I don't.
Ponoka7 · 12/09/2022 13:20
I'd put your circumstances into a benefit calculator like turn 2 us and I'd want him to make up your message ney to the amount benefits would give you, or he leaves. Don't be a mug.
www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/&ved=2ahUKEwionta6no_6AhVOSkEAHTuTBJgQjBB6BAgJEAM&usg=AOvVaw0lRBlp74TQfHz2dQ6gFkV7
YesitsBess · 12/09/2022 13:21
You can claim before he moves out, you are no longer ‘living together as a married couple’ so you would make a single claim. Some further advice here:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/what-youll-need-to-do-on-universal-credit/check-if-a-change-affects-your-universal-credit/
LoveHamble · 12/09/2022 13:25
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:11
Yeah, I need him to move out I think before I can claim. Him being here means I can't claim. So that's why I thought ask him to pay half. I don't want to be unfair of course but just being practical.
ICanHideButICantRun · 12/09/2022 12:40
If your home is in your name and your child isn't his, can't he just go and leave you to it?
Will you get help with rent from benefits?
If you have emotionally separated and are in different bedrooms and you no longer have meals together, laundry together, or shopping together, no sexual relationship etc, you can claim UC as a single person. Please go and get some decent advice. Go to cab or your local law centre because what some people are saying on here is incorrect.
Gymnopedie · 12/09/2022 13:35
I'll have to see what he wants to do but if he does not want to move out right away I would go halves on the rent.
Who has paid the rent up to now? As it doesn't sound like it was halves before, just him or just you?
If he's still living there because he needs a roof over his head and an internet connection, but he was the one who walked out, this is all for his benefit so yes of course he should pay rent. However the downside of that is that if he pays rent (a) you're subletting. Is that allowed under the terms of your tenancy? I wouldn't call it 'rent'. (b) He may feel that as he is paying his way he is justified in staying there longer and doesn't need to rush to find somewhere else. It depends on what sort of a person he is and how amicable the split is going to be.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:51
Ponoka7 · 12/09/2022 13:20
I'd put your circumstances into a benefit calculator like turn 2 us and I'd want him to make up your message ney to the amount benefits would give you, or he leaves. Don't be a mug.
www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/&ved=2ahUKEwionta6no_6AhVOSkEAHTuTBJgQjBB6BAgJEAM&usg=AOvVaw0lRBlp74TQfHz2dQ6gFkV7
Thank you, I was thinking along these lines and just wanted to know if that was reasonable. I am a mug unfortunately. My child's happiness is what's important here, I don't need lots of money I'm all good and willing to work hard. Benefits would be a stop gap.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:54
LoveHamble · 12/09/2022 13:25
If you have emotionally separated and are in different bedrooms and you no longer have meals together, laundry together, or shopping together, no sexual relationship etc, you can claim UC as a single person. Please go and get some decent advice. Go to cab or your local law centre because what some people are saying on here is incorrect.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:11
Yeah, I need him to move out I think before I can claim. Him being here means I can't claim. So that's why I thought ask him to pay half. I don't want to be unfair of course but just being practical.
ICanHideButICantRun · 12/09/2022 12:40
If your home is in your name and your child isn't his, can't he just go and leave you to it?
Will you get help with rent from benefits?
Thanks, well I would be sleeping in the couch because we only have the two rooms. I don't want him on the couch and I don't want him tired when he works so many hours.
He paid the rent and bills on the understanding I did all the housework cooking and child school pick up stuff (yes, I know it's not his child but he has made it his child and they are father and daughter and that's just how they both see it and their relationship does mean something. I know it's not usual but this isn't going to stop being the case).
Soakitup37 · 12/09/2022 13:57
I’d be careful making any claims to be a single person to ha now. If hes been living with you but the tenancy was in your name only, ha should have been informed that you were living with a partner, as this would affect your rents and council tax payments.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:58
LoveHamble · 12/09/2022 13:25
If you have emotionally separated and are in different bedrooms and you no longer have meals together, laundry together, or shopping together, no sexual relationship etc, you can claim UC as a single person. Please go and get some decent advice. Go to cab or your local law centre because what some people are saying on here is incorrect.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:11
Yeah, I need him to move out I think before I can claim. Him being here means I can't claim. So that's why I thought ask him to pay half. I don't want to be unfair of course but just being practical.
ICanHideButICantRun · 12/09/2022 12:40
If your home is in your name and your child isn't his, can't he just go and leave you to it?
Will you get help with rent from benefits?
Thanks I will. I understood that they would assess it as whether he was paying bills and whether we shared finances, which we really do since I don't have the money not to, this was our set up, and the problem is it wasn't working due to multiple boring and ordinary things such as housework and subordination issues.
We both just can't anymore. It's a real shame but I'm hypervigilant and he's a tad controlling and won't admit it. Bad combo.
He also patronises me constantly, there's no two ways about that and I'm just not built to take that ultimately.
DottyLittleRainbow · 12/09/2022 14:07
OP, sounds like he is manipulating the situation a bit. Walking out and then coming back as he would be ‘homeless’ otherwise. If he is controlling but won’t admit it, is it worth you contacting women’s aid? What will you do if he comes back and won’t leave, and you’re struggling financially as you can’t claim the benefits you need?
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 14:07
MsVestibule · 12/09/2022 14:00
Why can't you just carry on financially as you were, until he finds somewhere else to live and you find a job with more hours/put in a benefit claim as a single parent? What does he think you should do WRT paying for rent/bills/shopping?
Yes this would work for me.
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 14:09
DottyLittleRainbow · 12/09/2022 14:07
OP, sounds like he is manipulating the situation a bit. Walking out and then coming back as he would be ‘homeless’ otherwise. If he is controlling but won’t admit it, is it worth you contacting women’s aid? What will you do if he comes back and won’t leave, and you’re struggling financially as you can’t claim the benefits you need?
I feel so stupid. He is not a bad person. We both have issues. But I realised yesterday that it's not just me being crazy, as he asserts. Sure I am somewhat difficult etc. but I am 100% sure he is using that against me at this point. It ain't good!
I've spent time believing it was all down to me, and honestly, it's really not.
He isn't a violent person and I doubt he will want to live with me forever. Last night it was an argument and I asserted myself instead of apologising, and that's when the ring came off and I got called "crazy cow" and for the first time in years I know I'm not!
WoopsIdiditagain1 · 12/09/2022 14:16
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 13:12
What do I need legal advice on? I don't want him to pay me anything, just want to be able to afford my rent and can't claim UC until he is out.
Lockheart · 12/09/2022 12:41
Why would he have to pay any rent if he is not living there? The child is not his and nor is the tenancy.
You need legal advice OP, and I would step up the search for work urgently.
You can claim UC even with him in the home. You will need to demonstrate that you are separate. So he sleeps separately. His clothes are in him room. He cooks his own meals and does his own laundry. His a place to store his food and a shelf in the fridge.
Ponoka7 · 12/09/2022 14:30
"well I would be sleeping in the couch because we only have the two rooms. I don't want him on the couch and I don't want him tired when he works so many hours."
Then 100% he tops up what you are missing out on. He will escalate the emotional abuse hoping to break you down. This will change you as a person and as a Parent. He needs to be gone within a couple of months. Anymore verbal abuse and he's gone straight away.
Crumpleton · 12/09/2022 14:47
sorrycanthearyou · 12/09/2022 14:09
I feel so stupid. He is not a bad person. We both have issues. But I realised yesterday that it's not just me being crazy, as he asserts. Sure I am somewhat difficult etc. but I am 100% sure he is using that against me at this point. It ain't good!
I've spent time believing it was all down to me, and honestly, it's really not.
He isn't a violent person and I doubt he will want to live with me forever. Last night it was an argument and I asserted myself instead of apologising, and that's when the ring came off and I got called "crazy cow" and for the first time in years I know I'm not!
DottyLittleRainbow · 12/09/2022 14:07
OP, sounds like he is manipulating the situation a bit. Walking out and then coming back as he would be ‘homeless’ otherwise. If he is controlling but won’t admit it, is it worth you contacting women’s aid? What will you do if he comes back and won’t leave, and you’re struggling financially as you can’t claim the benefits you need?
There are more ways to abuse someone than physically.
You sound like you came to the end of your tether and your DH didn't like you standing up for yourself.
Have things definitely ended or did he walk out as he didn't like the fact you found your voice and didn't like what you said?
If they have get intouch with CAB they'll guide you as to how you can move forward.
britneyisfree · 12/09/2022 15:17
Op... this is not going to work out. For your daughter's sake I hope he will continue to act in a father role but based on your updates, if he really does leave, I'm not sure how that would work in practice.
You basically want to continue as you are without sleeping together. Cut the cord and kick him out. Move on with your life. It's just confusing IMO.
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