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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a leaving do at work?

40 replies

Eurydice84 · 12/09/2022 09:05

Worked for my company for seven years. This is my last week and I have just been told they think I shouldn't have a "formal" leaving do with tea and cake (as everyone else is offered) as I already had an office party before my maternity leave in 2019. Feeling gutted... Surely a maternity do is different? It was 3 and a half years ago!

OP posts:
misskatamari · 12/09/2022 09:07

Yeah, that's pretty shitty.

billyt · 12/09/2022 09:09

When I left a previous job after 18 years I had to hunt for someone to return my company car to. Seems they'd all pissed off for lunch.

Bit shitty for you but seems like some of them have long memories.

whateverwillidonext · 12/09/2022 09:11

Yeah that's shit 😕

I've worked for a company for 16 years, met up with my line manager a month ago to hand in my notice (was on maternity leave) and haven't had so much as a card 🤷🏼‍♀️ 16 years!!! I understand your disappointment.

PAFMO · 12/09/2022 09:11

Depends how things normally work in your workplace.
Have there been others who've had both a maternity do and a leaving do? If so, then yes, seems a bit unfair.

zingally · 12/09/2022 10:29

Yep, bit shit.

Common though.

When I left my last job (primary school teacher), I'd observed that the common thing to do was for the leaving member of staff would be announced during the end of term church service. There would be a few words said about them, an opportunity to give a little speech if they wanted one, round of applause from the whole school, and a few parents who attended, plus a couple of gifts/ a card.

Last day of term, I sat in church with my class, all ready for my big moment. A couple of words of thanks ready to say... then that was the end. Nothing happened.

Went back to the school, sat in the staffroom, and given a very perfunctory card and gift token, and a "good luck for the future". That was it. I don't mind saying, I was disappointed.

I expressed this to an older friend sometime later, who said, rather wisely, "if you expect nothing, and get nothing, you'll never be disappointed." Although rather pessimistic, it's served me well as a thought to keep in mind.

KimberleyClark · 12/09/2022 10:31

Awful.

Dougieowner · 12/09/2022 10:38

Leaving "do's" seem to be less common nowadays (in our company anyway).
Occasionally someone will arrange an after work meet up or bring some food in but at the other end of the spectrum, I have seen people just leave their passcard on the desk and walk out as no manager turned up to do it formally.

I leave in a few months time after nearly 40yrs at the same company, am not arranging anything myself and as I won't be going to my normal place of work on my last day, I can't see anything being arranged there either.
That said, I am not wanting any form of "do" as I would cringe at being the centre of attention and would absolutely hate having to "say a few words"!
Creep out of the door without anyone noticing is how I want to go. 😎

Original poster
Eurydice84 · 15/09/2022 10:02

Thanks everyone. It is company policy to organise a collection and give flowers and a voucher before people leave. Several of my colleagues wanted to contribute, but my manager said there wouldn't be a collection as I already had a gift before my maternity leave (4 years ago). I am not grabby, however I feel sad at being treated differently from everyone else!

OP posts:
StarCourt · 15/09/2022 10:37

I get it OP I was made redundant from my job after being there nearly 8 yrs. office of 100 people all of whom knew me. Not even a card.

StarCourt · 15/09/2022 10:38

Oh and I was the only one made redundant

purplepandas · 15/09/2022 10:40

Wow, that is outrageous. That is really shitty of them op. I am sorry.

Paq · 15/09/2022 10:40

That is shit. Good that you are leaving! Just send a note out to your colleagues to meet up for a lunch or after works drink, you may choose to tell them what your manager has said...

Arbesque · 15/09/2022 10:45

Your manager is being very tight.

Obviously, it's annoying if someone gets married, has a baby then decides to resign all in the space of a couple of years and every time there's a collection.
But even then most people just sigh and donate.

In your case it's 4 years. Manager is being ridiculous.

nachoavocado · 15/09/2022 10:46

Really weird

SnarkyBag · 15/09/2022 10:50

Invite all your colleagues out for coffee and cake to say goodbye but don’t invite your miserable manager

MRSE20 · 15/09/2022 10:53

Wow. What a stupid reason not to get a leaving do…. It doesn’t matter if your maternity do was 4 years or 1 year ago it’s still so petty

Bywayofanupdate · 15/09/2022 10:53

The last company I worked for I had a mat leave, was made redundant, was rehire and then I left and not once did I have a party / recognition. Its really shitty! But sadly not uncommon.

phishy · 15/09/2022 10:57

I would call in sick on the last day.

And then arrange lunch or drinks with the colleagues you like.

Don’t reward the dickhead manager by being present and accepting their perfunctory goodbye.

ClaireEclair · 15/09/2022 11:03

My office has gifts and celebrations for some people after so many years of service. One colleague got a mini break after 10 years. Another drink decanters. After 7 years the PR girls got flowers and chocolates. I’ve been here for 15 years and haven’t even had an email saying “thanks for your service”.

Kissingfrogs25 · 15/09/2022 11:09

I think I would be 'ill' towards the end of my stint there, book a spa day and treat myself to a paid time off at their expense - include a friend and with a glass of fizz celebrate your departure from such a thankless company.

0live · 15/09/2022 11:15

I’d point out that their policy is discriminatory, as they are treating you differently from a man who becomes a father. Or do men who take family leave not get leaving gifts either ?

Then I’d develop Covid symptoms and take the last week off.

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 15/09/2022 11:20

The last day before my second maternity leave started, I took in a box of beautiful handmade cupcakes for my team, which cost me £30. I got nothing, on the other hand.

They might have looked up as I was leaving and went 'bye'.

It ended up fine - my cunt of a boss tried to bring me back to a MUCH more junior role a year later, and got fired for her shitey management skills Grin

phishy · 15/09/2022 11:21

0live · 15/09/2022 11:15

I’d point out that their policy is discriminatory, as they are treating you differently from a man who becomes a father. Or do men who take family leave not get leaving gifts either ?

Then I’d develop Covid symptoms and take the last week off.

Excellent point.

sumosaussage · 15/09/2022 11:21

YANBU for being upset by this

At my work we do a leaving thing for when people who fail their probation!

Doesn't take much to do a card and get some cakes

GnomeDePlume · 15/09/2022 11:25

billyt · 12/09/2022 09:09

When I left a previous job after 18 years I had to hunt for someone to return my company car to. Seems they'd all pissed off for lunch.

Bit shitty for you but seems like some of them have long memories.

@billyt Anecdote from place I worked at years ago.

Salesman got made redundant. He asked what he was supposed to do about his company car (he had driven in and redundancy was unexpected). Was airily told to leave the keys in reception.

He went out for a while then came back and left the keys in reception and left.

Some time later the person in charge of company cars went to check it over. No car.

Many weeks later the car was found in an airport carpark. There was a very big parking bill to pay.

After that cars were collected from the employee's home.