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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a leaving do at work?

40 replies

Eurydice84 · 12/09/2022 09:05

Worked for my company for seven years. This is my last week and I have just been told they think I shouldn't have a "formal" leaving do with tea and cake (as everyone else is offered) as I already had an office party before my maternity leave in 2019. Feeling gutted... Surely a maternity do is different? It was 3 and a half years ago!

OP posts:

HuzzahIndeed · 15/09/2022 11:27

Leaving dos/drinks don't seem to really be much of a thing in most of the companies I've worked for... unless you are super, super, SUPER popular.

It can hurt to not have it properly recognised - a bit don't let the door hit you on your way out - but I guess people don't build up workplace friendships in the same way as they used to and people move around more.

Theglowofcandles · 15/09/2022 11:34

That's a shitty way to treat employees.

When I went on maternity leave i never even got so much as a bye. I literally got up on my last day, put my coat on, manager never even made eye contact and I left to never return.

My ex-colleague got a leaving do with presents, and a big tea with lots of food. She has also went and arranged another leaving do outside of work which is due to take place 5 months after the date she left 😕

maslinpan · 15/09/2022 12:39

I work in the voluntary sector..Our wages are terrible but there's always a card, collection and leaving lunch foe when someone leaves, regardless of how long they worked for.

Titterofwit · 15/09/2022 12:58

As quoted by a PP
"if you expect nothing, and get nothing, you'll never be disappointed."
This is something I really tried to embrace but its hard going when you see others have had different treatment.
Ive just left a job after 16 years and hate public attention. That said I would rather have liked a card with a few nice sentiments in it from my colleagues.
However as I went round the office on my last day i had some lovely conversations where people expressed their regret at my leaving and really these personal remarks mean so much more than the forced well wishes ( well thats how I always feel when a card is presented for me to sign)

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 15/09/2022 13:26

I am just surprised other managers didn't say anything. My manager is known for being "odd" and particular but no one ever challenges it. I have just left, not even a card was given to me!

OP posts:

SurfBox · 15/09/2022 13:45

I worked in a school for 3 years as a teacher, at end of term the head made a short reference in speech to me leaving but then gave all the attention to the deputy and another veteran who were also leaving giving them presents etc. She even got the amount of time I was there as wrong. What particularity stung was that 2 colleagues who'd being there a year and were also leaving , 1 who was there a term and 1 training teacher who was there a term were all presented with gifts.

YANBU op, it stings like hell.

xogossipgirlxo · 15/09/2022 13:45

I should be surprised, but I'm not after my work colleague didn't get any attention on his last day before retirement. I thought managers will at least organise some lunch or card will be signed. Nothing.

wombat1a · 15/09/2022 13:47

I left after 27 years in the same lab, was the longest serving person in there ever. Absolutely nothing, no even a good bye from anyone as I left on the last day.

SurfBox · 15/09/2022 13:48

Can I add that I was roped into paying a tenner to a colleague leaving too in that school by a group of teachers but they never did shit when I was leaving.

TokyoTen · 15/09/2022 14:14

I dont think leaving dos are a thing anymore - ppl just have a few drinks with the people they know. I hated them even when they were done tbh. They seem so false and no one really cares.

Dinoteeth · 15/09/2022 14:18

Op your leaving for a new opportunity, probably more money than the people you are leaving.
Every night we are hearing about businesses and individuals struggling to cope with price increases.

Maybe he doesn't want to put more pressure on business finances. Maybe he hates doing whip rounds, maybe suggest you have a leaving drink with the colleagues you are close too.

SurfBox · 15/09/2022 14:22

*Every night we are hearing about businesses and individuals struggling to cope with price increases.

Maybe he doesn't want to put more pressure on business finances. Maybe he hates doing whip rounds, maybe suggest you have a leaving drink with the colleagues you are close too*

that's fair enough but the problem is it's done for everybody else when they leave so you can't do it for one and not the others. If it's a problem with finances in the business then simply make it policy no more parties/leaving gifts from the company.

Original poster

Eurydice84 · 15/09/2022 14:43

TokyoTen · 15/09/2022 14:14

I dont think leaving dos are a thing anymore - ppl just have a few drinks with the people they know. I hated them even when they were done tbh. They seem so false and no one really cares.

It's not about whether leaving dos are a thing or not anymore. It's the fact everyone else at my company gets a collection and card and I didn't, because my boss decided so (regardless of the fact my colleagues wanted to chip in)

OP posts:

SurfBox · 15/09/2022 15:17

It's the fact everyone else at my company gets a collection and card and I didn't, because my boss decided so (regardless of the fact my colleagues wanted to chip in

yes and yanbu but this is aibu and people will overlook this and find ways to try and roast you. Just move on now and don't say anything that could get mgmt or be inflammatory as it's not worth it if/when you need references etc.

Dinoteeth · 15/09/2022 17:01

Op you realise your colleagues could have done their own thing without the boss or company involvement?

Personally I hate the whole expectation of giving to leavers cards, I do life events and that's about it (babies, weddings, retirement)

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