My sister can be a bit odd

[Ritascornershop]

My sister is unfailingly helpful and really does her bit for family. However, like all of us, she can be a bit odd.

Imo she’s got fixed ideas about how people ought to behave and any deviation from that is met with shock and disbelief. Recent things I’ve done that she’s been shocked about; not taken a book on a long flight (planned to read articles on my phone, watch onboard tv, and nap), ordered Thai after said long flight instead of shopping for food and cooking, killing an ant in my car “but you can’t do that. We are kind to animals”. I don’t care if people eat meat, but I haven’t for over 30 years. She eats meat, so I found that schoolmarmish telling off a bit peculiar. I said “you eat meat” & she said “sometimes, but I’d never kill an ant”. (I’m not saying I have a great excuse for it, but ants creep me right out and I don’t think they feel pain or process emotions in the same way animals do).

Am I being unreasonable to find it a bit annoying that a middle-aged woman can’t imagine someone has different habits than she does. She’s also shocked that I like wind, watching telly, and occasionally wearing high heels: ie, am a different person to her.

[Chocolatelabradorsarethebest]

My DF is like this and it gets exhausting in every conversation, even the smallest things.

But judging by the threads on here I’m sure your DS is a prolific mumsnetter! The amount of people who ‘simply cannot understand why neighbour/DH/Friend does x and not y’ never ceases to amaze me. Maybe it’s because different people like / do different things?!

[Duvetcoverofdoom]

My whole family can be a bit like this. There are other autistic traits in the family and my DS has been diagnosed as autistic. So I know it's the usual MN cop out, but I do think that is part of it.

The worst I've noticed is that my DSIS seems unable to accept that people 'move on' from hobbies, interests and just general things in their lives. I have two primary aged kids who naturally very quickly change interests and hobbies. She seems unable to fathom that my 7YO doesn't love Thomas the Tank engine anymore like when he did when he was 3YO.

[Ragged]

MIL can be like this. She was raised to think their family way was right & other people are strange to do different. It's a prejudice and arrogance. Have to work to stop DH from thinking the same way.

My family is enormously opposite in a zillion ways, but also have their own prejudices. "I'm sure [MIL] just wants [DH name] to be happy" my dad said, once. I had to correct him, that MIL most wanted DH to be "safe". Happiness was incidental. My dad found that too weird (his prejudice revealed).

[ManateeFair]

Your sister sounds like all those Mumsnetters who get hugely irate about choices made by other people that affect them in no way whatsoever, like what sort of haircuts other people’s children have, whether they wear pyjamas to relax in, and whether their neighbours open/close their curtains at particular times.

As others have said, there’s probably an element of insecurity in your sister’s comments, but I also think some of them hint at a certain type of snobbery - telly, heels, takeaway, not taking a book on a plane etc. I used to have a colleague who was a bit like this - anything that she perceived to be shallow or frivolous, she claimed to find strange and would question. She used to quiz another colleague of mine about why she wore heels every day and she was weird about another who bought expensive trainers for his little boy. She was very odd about me liking football too, arguing with me when I explained why I like it. I got the strong impression that it was her way of trying to tell us she was on a higher plane than people who liked clothes or makeup or reading a magazine occasionally.

[MsRosley]

She sounds rather endearing actually. Can you just have a laugh about it, OP?

[Pineappleslush]

@Chocolatelabradorsarethebest

My DF is like this and it gets exhausting in every conversation, even the smallest things.

But judging by the threads on here I’m sure your DS is a prolific mumsnetter! The amount of people who ‘simply cannot understand why neighbour/DH/Friend does x and not y’ never ceases to amaze me. Maybe it’s because different people like / do different things?!

Ha! I was just about to say that she is probably a mumsnetter! Some posters just can't accept that others are different.

There's a saying isn't there... "can't see past her/his own nose" for people like this. I don't know what it is, I mean empathy is being able to see the situation through another persons eyes? So, it's a lack of empathy but added to that the genuine confusion. You say she does a lot for your family? It might just be a case of learning to live with it.

[Adversity]

Unless someone’s behaviour is going to actually harm me or someone else I really couldn’t get my knickers in a twist over those sort of low key things.

[Hotandbothereds]

I reckon the people who can’t understand why this is irritating are people who do this 😆

[Choconut]

Isn't it just a case of her having different views to you and expressing them? All sounds very minor.

[LongLivedQueen]

@Choconut

Isn't it just a case of her having different views to you and expressing them? All sounds very minor.

No, it isn't. That isn't at all what OP is describing.

[TrashyPanda]

killing an ant in my car “but you can’t do that. We are kind to animals”

Ask her how she feels about fleas, lice, maggots etc

Bet she wouldn’t willingly host them

[Hotandbothereds]

@Choconut

Isn't it just a case of her having different views to you and expressing them? All sounds very minor.

No, this is different- most people understand that others have a different opinion and move on, some people, like the OPs sister and someone I know are unable to perceive that other people do/think differently and it’s exhausting to constantly have to feel you have to defend your perfectly normal ways to them.

[Rosehugger]

My dad was a bit like this all his life - narrow-minded and insecure basically. Could be do with losing his mum in his teens, I thought, he felt comfortable with food and drinks that were around in the 1950s but things that appeared after that he wouldn't even try and thought not just that things were disgusting but that people were idiots for liking them.

He thought anything other than sweet wine was a con and couldn't understand why people liked dry wine, we were just brainwashed sheep for enjoying it!

It can be very wearing- my sympathies!

[VatofTea]

It's called small mindedness.

"I'm safe in this bubble, and this frame of reference, and I want to be safe with you, where we re-enforce the communal blinkered world view. Anything that threatens that, make me feel uncomfortable".

[Changechangychange]

Off topic, but in what context do you like wind? You like passing wind? Being winded? Being out on a windy day? Support investment in wind power over fossil fuels? Winding up a bobbin?

[mondaytosunday]

My sister is quite eccentric and at times it's amazing we were brought up in the same house by the same parents! I just accept her as she is - what else can you do?

[Funkyblues101]

You're mad to rely on electronic devices for a long haul flight. And killing an ant seems unnecessary, but I eat meat and see your point.

[CosmopolitanPlease]

My oldest friend was an extreme version of that, and would robustly criticise things like where I went on holiday or where I purchased my carpets from, and had rigid ideas about what was the 'right' thing to do in any situation (her way). Due to my own low self esteem it took me far too long to realise how detrimental she was to my own mental health.

She had a diagnosis of obsessive compulsive personality disorder, but didn't want any treatment because she thought hers was the right way to be. I eventually cut contact with her, and am very glad I did.

[Fairyliz]

My adult DD in her 20’s is like this. She feels there is a ‘right’ way to do things and get distressed / anxious when people do things differently.
She’s currently waiting for assessment and is clearly showing autistic traits. Looking back over her childhood I was able to protect her from lots of things but as an adult out in the world she h it s finding things difficult.

[INeverSawAPurpleCow]

I think it's insecurity. My brother gives me endless nasty little put-downs because, for example, I drink bottled beer and don't do expensive holidays overseas. I have explained to him more than once that I simply have different tastes from him but he continues to make snide comments and smirk when I do something he considers to have lower status than his own choices. Fact is, I could afford the things he chooses but I don't want to. I think that's what bothers him most of all. It's almost FOMO - what if my choices are better than his? For me, they are. I don't give an arse what he prefers, though.

[VatofTea]

@INeverSawAPurpleCow

I think it's insecurity. My brother gives me endless nasty little put-downs because, for example, I drink bottled beer and don't do expensive holidays overseas. I have explained to him more than once that I simply have different tastes from him but he continues to make snide comments and smirk when I do something he considers to have lower status than his own choices. Fact is, I could afford the things he chooses but I don't want to. I think that's what bothers him most of all. It's almost FOMO - what if my choices are better than his? For me, they are. I don't give an arse what he prefers, though.

This is exactly it - SCREAMS INSECURITY - My way is the only way, my world view is the only world view. Tedious, yawn, ignore.

[Ridelikethewindypops]

I also believe it is insecurity. Dh whole family are a bit like this, driven by mil. There is simply " The Way we do it" and no other way. She has suceeded in convincing them all to abide by The Way and never make an independent move. Like one big hive mind. I tried to convince dh years ago to go to Barcelona for a weekend but he refused, on the basis that bil and his wife had gone once and they hated it! Absolutely bizarre. Like, why wouldn't you go and find out for yourself??? Maybe you'll still hate it but at least you made your own mind up. We went and he loved it. It was the first time he deviated from The Way and he started to realise how enmeshed and insular his family can be.

[Churroschurros]

My mum is like this. It used to upset and annoy me but know I’ve just accepted it and let it wash over me. Took me decades to get to that point. I’d say it was insecurity with her.

[Ihatethenewlook]

She sounds like half the people on my imo 😬I’d just repeat what I constantly tell people on here- ‘isn’t it funny how different people like different things’?

[Ihatethenewlook]

Mn. Not my