OH calls me anything but my name…

[Booklover3]

AIBU to be fed up of being called (or referred to) as boss, wife, mummy… but never my bloody name by my husband? I know there are worse terms to use.

Ive asked him to stop doing it. He hasn’t stopped doing it. I call him by his name unless I’m referring to him with the kids and I’ll say “Daddy.”

I feel like I’m reduced to a job role. I know this is a first world problem but he keeps “forgetting” and even other people have remarked on it.

AIBU?

Well, if it bothers you then it bothers you, I guess. We are all different.

None of the names you have listed would bother me in the slightest, although it might depend on the manner and tone of voice used, I suppose.

DH and I rarely use each other's proper names, that would be far too formal for us. Our nicknames might include Fish-face, Arsehole and Arty Farty!

I like this!

Fair enough. You think it’s fine for a partner to call their wife by names they hate and upset them even when they’ve asked them not to.
okey doke.

Mine is currently calling me Macho Man Randy Savage. I feel your pain.

Married 37 years and my husband rarely uses my name, in fact, it’s a bit surprising when he does. But if I told him I didn’t like being called boss/wife/whatever and he ignored me, we’d be having words.

Tell him you really like it when he calls you by your name, perhaps adding a suggestive wink (you know your man and whether that would work).

Ah yes. The correct way to get your husband to respect your feelings is by insinuating he'll benefit sexually - because that's just another of your roles he expects you to fulfil so he'll understand.

I’d think ‘boss’ was his term of endearment for you, like a nickname. It’s sad you don’t like it. I think it would be weird to be called my name by my husband, tends to only happen when he’s passed off with me to wind me up cause he knows I find it weird, not even my parents call me by my name 😂

Of course it isn't respectful. It's the She Who Must Be Obeyed thing from a man who likes to imagine he's totally under the thumb of the domineering woman. Not being funny but even if you were in a femdom BDSM relationship, that wouldn't be the term you use or the dynamic you'd be invoking. I shuddered when I saw he says "is that OK, boss?" An overreaction, maybe, but I was surprised at just how unappealing and horrid I'd find it.

It might sound small to some people but I'd absolutely loathe being called those things and never my name. He should stop because you don't like it. If he won't, maybe you will have to find some other horrible name for him, but I'd hope if he actually cares about how he makes you feel, it won't come to that.

I don’t want to be his boss.

YesDH couldn't use my name - used 'yourmother' when DCs rang. Other sort of condescending 'funny' names.
Had itout with him and he stopped and now uses my name.

Not many women would.

When he says it, say you're not his boss. And I agree, ask him once more to use your name because you really hate him calling you Wife and Boss, and just don't answer to anything else.

He'll probably see it as further evidence of being dominated by She Who Must Be Obeyed but he obviously likes that idea. As long as he keeps that crap in in his own head and doesn't make you participate in it, you can probably deal with it. I doubt he actually defers to you in any meaningful way, otherwise he wouldn't be a prick about this.

@FurAndFeathers

When those names are harmless and normal yes

My DH doesn't like it when I call his large camera lense a 'bird stalking lense' I still call it that

There are many things, normal things, some people get worked up about. Most don't change their behaviour when the other person is being ott

My Dh calls me by my shortened Christian name .I never call him by his name as I call him by nickname, if he’s talking to people that don’t know me he will say either my mrs or the better half, it certainly doesn’t bother me, I’d be having words though if he called me my old woman or worse, 😜

I have friends that only ever call each other their names, never a pet name or affectionate name. When I noticed I couldn't stop noticing.

Dh and I never use our real names unless in company. It feels weird.
but we use nicknames. I can see why ‘mummy’ and ‘boss’ is weird.
I never call dh ‘dad’ unless referring to him re the kids ‘pass it to dad’

Call him Passive Agreessive Saddo.

There is a narrative, and considerable hostility, behind all of this very unfunny name calling.

I would insist on marriage counseling if I were you.

Make it a condition of the two of you continuing to live under the same roof.

In that case, I think YABU. I wouldn’t say to someone else that “[Name] is here”. I’d say “My partner’s here”, unless they knew him well. I wouldn’t say “[Name], can you pass the salt?” because why would I?! He knows it’s him I’m talking to.

My husband did that.

Wouldn’t ever use my name, always a nickname or wifey etc so I called him Ken for three weeks and he stopped.

She knows he's talking to her when he asks if something is OK, so if you're going to add a term of address, why "boss" instead of her name?

I think we only call each other papa and daddy, sorry if I’ve missed it, have you told him that you want him to use your name to address you?

I just get called 'babe' which is fine.

Assuming his name isn't Ken?

Yuk. Passive aggressive. Call him out every time

I wouldn't like my DH referring to me directly as mum/mummy even in front of the DC.....E.g. if he was actually speaking to me in front of the kids and said "mummy can you pass the salt" I'm not HIS mummy and that would give me major ick vibes 🤢🤢

Calling me mum/mummy in my presence when talking to the kids in front of me is obvs fine. E.g. "ask your mum if that's ok" because I'm THEIR mum

Boss is patronising/condescending and I think it sounds like he's taking the piss

Introducing me to someone for the first time and calling me his wife is totally normal. Referring to me as his wife in front of family and friends is just weird...

YANBU

To be fair we don't use each others names unless some sort of argument(doesn't happen often) or they can't hear us calling them or referencing each other in front of friends and family.

He calls me love, darling and boss.

I tend to call him baba as we most often than not have the kids around us so he will call me mum in this instance too. Or I call him dear. I'm a bit shit at showing affection with words so dear is about as good as it gets. He doesn't seem bothered.