OH calls me anything but my name…

[Booklover3]

AIBU to be fed up of being called (or referred to) as boss, wife, mummy… but never my bloody name by my husband? I know there are worse terms to use.

Ive asked him to stop doing it. He hasn’t stopped doing it. I call him by his name unless I’m referring to him with the kids and I’ll say “Daddy.”

I feel like I’m reduced to a job role. I know this is a first world problem but he keeps “forgetting” and even other people have remarked on it.

AIBU?

Start calling him Soon To Be Ex Husband

I can’t explain it… it just feels like I’m reduced to a function. A job role. A non-person.

If that's because your kids are there you're still being unreasonable

So you’d be fine with your life partner calling you boss or wife?

YANBU @Booklover3 the boss thing is particularly passive aggressive and unpleasant.

I only get called my name about twice a year! The rest of the time it’s affectionate names! Maybe the issue is that his names for you all revolve around your role as a parent so you feel like your own identity is a bit lost underneath it?

Oops posted too soon! Would you be ok if he called you something like sweetie, or do you really only just want to be called by your first name? I do get why being called names which are some sort of job title / role might be irritating.

Eh I haven't used my husbands actual name when talking to him since our wedding vows!

Me too, and I learned from another thread on here on this subject many others are the same. I don't call my husband anything, I don't have any pet names or terms of affection. If I have a question or comment I'd just say it. Don't really need to address it, if I'm looking at him and saying it, who else would I be talking to?

However if I was being called boss I wouldn't like it, it sounds sarcastic and/or snide.

If your OH said they didn’t like it and asked to stop being called boss or wife would you stop? If they had asked politely on more than one occasion, and told you how it made them feel?

Of course, I'd think it would be really horrible to keep doing it.

I’m not bothered about that. He can call me nice things all he wants. I just have an issue with him always saying “my wife” to our nearest and dearest like I’m a possession and “boss.”

He said Boss was a token of respect but it bloody isn’t. I’m not his boss. I’m not even particularly bossy. I got that paranoid that I was being bossy that I asked everyone if I was 🙈

Start off (when the kids aren't in earshot) "Oi, dickhead" and then move to "subject", "him", "him indoors", to borrow one from Rumpole of the Bailey "He who must be obeyed". When the kids are in earshot "Dad", "Daddy", "your father".

Repeat it back to him.

He'll notice. Do it for a week or 10 days.

If he doesn't notice, the kids will, because it will be out of character for you to do it to him. When they ask "Why aren't you calling Daddy by his name?" you reply "Because he doesn't call me by my name, and that's not nice"

Actually I have a better suggestion.

Stop responding when he doesn't call you by your name. Do nothing until he uses your name.

Why would he say MUMMY pass the salt 😅 you're not his mum.
Anyway. Nicknames is what people use for their spouses

I dont think the Nicknames are the issue here. It is the KIND of Nicknames he uses....

And stop calling him daddy. Unless you have kids under the age of 1.

My mother in law always refers to her husband as 'Dad' in front of us all, which I find amusing!

I only call him daddy when I’m talking to the kids I.e “ask daddy” “your dads sorting that” etc

My husband calls me "Mother" though I find it amusing especially as he says it with a Scottish accent (he's not Scottish). It didn't really occur to me to mind. Before we had kids we called each other pet names. I was Bear, or Mrs Bear.

In company he will call me by name and it seems a bit strange!

Tell him you really like it when he calls you by your name, perhaps adding a suggestive wink (you know your man and whether that would work). If he calls you something else, ignore him until he does call you by your name. He needs training. You could try using a clicker for reinforcement... it works for dogs... if that doesn't irritate him enough to use your name, wear a name badge and point to it. Other than that, it would seem to be a lost cause.

Of course

Depending on context

I am his wife

And in some situations I'm damn well the boss too

I cally DH by his surname. Everyone refers to him that way. He is happy with it.

Ah fair enough, you’re just unable to see that the OP feels differently and offer any constructive support.

I find the ‘I never use my partner’s name’ comments odd. Who cares if you have a nickname/affectionate name. That’s not the case for the OP and she’s asking for support on how to address this issue with her DH, not for a litany of ‘I call my partner this’ type anecdotes

My DH and I are the exact same always used pet names except for the wedding. He called me by my name a few weeks ago and I got really pissed off. I was like don’t u me. It made him laugh how annoyed I was lol

My grandparents use to call each other mum and dad. I never once heard them call each other by their actual names even when i was an adult😆

Don’t reply/ respond/ acknowledge

@FurAndFeathers

Merely stating the OPs husband isn't unreasonable in the slightest

As are many other posters

I think you’re being uptight. I find it really awkward to use peoples names when they’re right there and it’s obvious you’re talking to them. The “please pass the salt” example is entirely normal