AIBU to have wanted to get pregnant and now regret it

[Mamatobear]

Sooo… my DH and I thought we’d like to ttc soon as our DS is now 2 and we’d like to extend our family- ideally would like 3 children.
we went on holiday and dtd and didn’t think much of it. It took months and months to conceive our DS so we were expecting to it to take a while to conceive no.2.

anyway… 2 days ago we had a huge financial hit. I don’t want to go into detail but we’ve lost £15,000 ish (so pretty devastating). We decided we’d stop ttc until more financially stable as we were counting on this money- I was thinking maybe next year.

now this morning I was feeling ‘off’ and decided to do a test, fully expecting a negative, and it’s positive. (But very faint)

im now spiralling and have been hit with a feeling of dread and worry.

we can’t afford another baby now… I don’t want to go ahead and risk our financial situation getting even WORSE. I feel terrible as this baby was originally so so wanted, but now will completely devastate our family.

BUT I know I’d hate myself forever if I terminated even thought I think it’s the right choice. I don’t know what to do!?

am I being an awful person? I know many would kill to have a baby 😣

How on earth do you plan on having 3 children if your second would cause so many issues? An extra year won’t fill the 15k void. Also subsequent children aren’t as expensive as the first as you typically have everything you need anyway.

It sounds as if you’re wobbling and blaming finances

Also subsequent children aren’t as expensive as the first as you typically have everything you need anyway.

Clothes and equipment obviously but that’s a minimal cost. It’s paying 2 lots of childcare that will be the problem.

Look what you do is completely up to you - your body, your choice.

a much wanted baby may be a financial struggle for a bit but you will get through it eventually after you go back to work/ they go to school/ whatever makes the £ improve, you will be on the other side of that. Terminating a much wanted baby may have adverse ramifications for you for ever. I am so sorry you are in this position and I hope that everything works out for you, whatever you choose to do.

@Mamatobear You mentioned it took 'months and months' to conceive your first; what if it took months and months, or years and years to conceive your second, if you terminate now? What if you didn't conceive again?

The timing might be less than ideal, but if you definitely wanted a second, and also possibly a third, you need to think about how you'd feel if you terminated this pregnancy and it didn't happen again for you. (I'm completely pro-choice, BTW, no judgement, just things to consider)

Sit down and write out everything based on your reduced income and how much you need to save in advance.

Is there anything you can change? Give up a car for a while, extend the term of your mortgage etc?

id agree with this. I’d go through everything very carefully and see what is doable. You don’t want to miss anything and have regrets later. Will your DC1 get free hours at 3, which will bring your childcare costs down? Could you get any family support? Losing the money must have come as a great shock, but if you can plan forward from where you are now, things will become clearer.

Personally I would hold off and not terminate as you can get most things a baby needs second hand. Obviously I am aware as they get older it gets more expensive but if you can still feed the children you are have I would carry on the pregnancy especially as you have said this is just temporary for a little while. Also what if you didn't get pregnant again? Another reason to really stop and spend time considering it.

@SavoirFlair

but not everyone wants to struggle financially for years though

I'd be getting a termination in your shoes

Ignore the goady posters asking how this would 'devastate' your family

Financial struggles are awful for children and parents alike

What a ridiculous post

You're the only one uncomfortable and the only one rude enough to say it too

Many don't prepare financially for many things

Doesn't make it right though

Most sensible human beings ensure they've saved enough to cope with salary dips, for example the dips many have when on Mat leave

It feels catastrophic now because it’s all happened at once, but you have months of ahead before baby comes sit strategise and figure out solutions. These things do work themselves out.

mamatobear - Only you and your partner know what’s best for you and your family, it must be such a hard decision. I know no woman would take deciding to terminate a pregnancy lightly. Thankfully I have never been in that position, however if I was to, my circumstances would not be the best to bring a little one into the world. So I can only imagine the stress this is causing you. My advice would be to spend a few days thinking it over, trying not to listen to others opinions. But instead listening to your own inner voice and your partners. And don’t feel guilty about whatever you decide, there’s a lot of judgmental people in the world, but no one but you knows what it’s like to be in your own personal situation and circumstances. Whatever you decide is right for your family I’m sure will ultimately be the right choice. 💐

Just stop and inhale. Losing money like that is terrible. Getting pregnant so quickly is a big shock. Just take some time to process. Having a baby or not so a big decision. You really need to take your time because your the one who will live with the consequences.

I'm sure you feel like the rug has been pulled from under you with the shock of the financial loss, and I don't mean to sound flippant but money can be gained again, the baby? Not so much. Considering terminating a wanted and planned pregnancy over a hopefully short term issue, personally I would be more devastated to loose something irreplaceable.
It reminds me of that saying 'A permanent solution to a temporary problem'

Dh was made redundant when I was 4 months pregnant with ds1. We managed. After a long gap and dh being very settled in a new job we decided to have dc2. I was 3 months when he was made redundant that time 🙄😂 Again though, we managed.
Good luck whatever you decide op

lose

Thank you for everyone’s input. We’ve had a long discussion tonight, a long pros and cons list, some tears and come laughter. No decision yet, but we will get through this either way