Was this irresponsible?

[Changeableweather]

Got a few raised eyebrows last night and a slightly pearl-clutchy comment, and want to sense-check the situation...

DD1 is nearly 3 and an excellent sleeper, DD2 is 7m and is fairly good, but pretty much exclusively needs to be fed back to sleep in the night.

We went out to a party, literally 15 doors down, and left the girls with over-the-road's 13yr old daughter. Her mum and dad were home, 30secs away, and we were 1min down the road.

At one point, DD2 woke up, so the sitter called me, I ran home, fed her, resettled her, and went back to the party. Raised eyebrows and clutchy comment on our return.

I genuinely hadn't thought anything about the situation was out of order, I felt completely comfortable with it, and was babysitting myself at a similar age, but pretty much everyone else at the party had left their kids with grandparents, no one else had a teen babysitter, and everyone seemed pretty shocked I'd left a baby who was likely to wake and need me.

Combination of slight next day booze blues and the standard fear that other people will think I'm a bad mum is making me worried we were irresponsible.

Given your proximity, along with that of her parents, I really do not see the big deal. Some people have huge houses and would take longer to get there.

Considering you were so near and easily contactable, as were her parents, I don’t really see the problem.

It's fine.

Ah, I misread.
Definitely not OK then.
I babysat a neighbour's 2 year old when I was 14 and next door was my Gran, and 4 doors down my Mum.
Looking back, I'm horrified.

The sitter was only just a teenager. Far too young imo. Was there nobody else you could use?

I also babysat a lot at 13, and loved it… but I’d never leave my 8m old with a 13 year old now, and he’s a pretty easy baby. I wouldn’t leave two young children, either. Maybe if the youngest was 4 or 5?

But it’s all a personal call, you must know that now. Everyone has an opinion on all elements of parenting!

I left my kids with a 14 year old when my children were 6 and 3. But, she was a neighbour and her parents were always on hand should she have needed support. We were often out in town and could be home in ten minutes.

I wouldn’t have left a smallish baby with a 13 year old but I’d never have judged or raised eyebrows at you for it, you were literally one minute down the road. Not a problem.
You were obviously invited to the gathering, what were they expecting you to do with the baby? Did they think you’d bring her along? Or were they expecting you to get a sitter?
you made the effort to sort something out so you could go, I’d just appreciate the effort you went to and be pleased to spend an evening with you.
Ignore the judging glances, you did what you could.

@SavoirFlair I don't think the choice of babysitter isn't working, I think it worked fine! I don't think anything would have happened differently had I had a different sitter,

Ok fine @Changeableweather you’re not going to change your mind on your choice of babysitter even though over half a dozen posters have commented they wouldn’t choose them.

But here’s the thing - if you don’t think the choice of babysitter isn’t working, then what is your AIBU??

you asked “was this irresponsible?” And some, including the snarky people at the party, and some more polite folk on here, have questioned the choice.

If you’re utterly convinced this 13 year old babysitter makes no difference , then fine - but then this thread is over because no matter what anyone says, you’re right.

You're comfortable with it and presumably so are the parents of the 13 year old and the 13 yo themselves. I think those are the opinions that are the most important here.

I think given your proximity and that of the babysitters parents it was ok.
However, I generally would not ask a 13 year old to babysit, especially for children that young

I have been the 13-year-old in a situation like this and it was fine! It was pre-mobile phones but the baby’s parents (and mine) were both at a neighbour’s house a minute up the road and I was told to call their landline if the baby woke up and cried so they could run back and settle/change her if necessary.

OP, it’s fine. It wasn’t for the entire night and you were literally a minute away. Don’t worry about for another second.

This.

She was literally sitting. If you think she is mature and made that judgement that's fine.
She could only do what anyone else would have - and that's to call you to come back and settle her

Now if you go further and the babysitter had to settle/care/deal with emergency- id say a professional is better

I babysit but then it's my profession and I charge what I do because 99% of the time I know what to do to settle, have first aid, experience, can drive in an emergency, have my own phone to make emergency call, would make executive decision should I need to, know what questions to ask parents to make sure I know as much as poss such as do they have allergies? Who to call if I can't get through to them, where will they be? List of emergency numbers etc.

I think in your situation it was completely ok. All she had to do was call you, which she did and you were home in a minute. I wouldn't use such a young babysitter for a baby if I were going any further afield but this particular situation it was all absolutely fine.

I think it's your house your rules. Some 13 year old are very mature and this one seemed on the ball and rang you when she should have. Her parents were in and your were down the road. If you're comfortable then that's all that matters.

It sounds fine to me. I know some 13yo’s who were very sensible who I would have left kids your age with, especially with so many adults so close at hand.

You're going to get a lot of judgy comments. You've done nothing wrong. Imo. Don't beat yourself up and ignore your inner doubts. I agree with PP, who said post drinking/morning after thinking is a bugger.

YANBU

I was baby sitting children of a similar age at 12/13

I'd see nothing wrong with it nor would I judge you

Why, what did you do!?

As long as she's a responsible teenager (which she seems to be, given that she phoned you when DD2 woke up), and given your very close proximity (and her own parents even closer), I think it's fine. I have a very sensible 12 year old and she would be ok to mind a neighbour's baby in this way. It doesn't sound like you were expecting her to bathe the baby or anything risky like that, just be in the house and call you back from just down the road if there's a problem.

D

I was baby sitting a couple of very small kids when I was 13. One was about four and the other would have been about 1, when i met them

My neighbours who lived directly opposite my Mum and Dads. The neighbours always used to leave phone numbers of restaurant etc and my parents were always over the road should I need them - not that I ever did.

That was a different time though, it seemed normal to have a teenager babysitting and many of my teenage friends also babysat.

These days are different, and everyone apparently has an opinion on something that is none of their business.

In the circumstances, you were very local - it is not like you went to Ibiza and left the kids with a 13 year old. YANBU

Oh, and just to add OP, these people who you were partying with, they are NOT your friends, if they behave like this.

I personally feel 13 is a little young for babysitting although agree I was at that age too but I don't think I was necessarily mature enough to do it. The fact that her parents were over road and you were close by does lessen risks tho. And I would have gone back to party after too.

Good lord it's fine. The children were asleep and 1 min away with someone responsible enough to pick up a phone. No different to being in another wing of a big house!

Yes 'horrified' is a bit much