Someone should be doing something about this inappropriate situation?

[nightmare11]

I have NC as could be very outing.

For background: my 14 yo nephew is very defiant and has been always. Many issues with him over the years including refusing to go to school, totally ignoring any boundaries, doing what he likes.

In the last week it has came to light he is spending time with a 50 odd yo woman, along with boys and girls around his ages 14 and younger. The woman is buying them cigarettes and driving them around in her car. She lives in a completely different town to nephew.

He was due to go to his dads this weekend, but didn't come home to be collected, said he'd get dropped off, then tried to say he'd come back in the morning. Dad obviously not happy and went to look. Met nephews mum in this town as well and called police when nephew was refusing to go home. Meanwhile parents of the other children began to become aware of what was going on, the kids had told them they were staying with a friend. All parents out trying to get their kids home.

Police were useless said they have no concerns over the woman, although admitted if it was a male 50 yo then the situation would be different! Resulted in 14yo assaulting his dad but police refused to do anything about it and said have two choices either goes home with mum or dad, both refused and said can't manage as he will just go back out and get picked up again. Police said can't get social involved as it's over a weekend and didn't think good idea to take him in late on a Friday night amongst other people that may be getting locked up.

Nephew finally got convinced to go home with mum, but then packed bags and left home again and is back with the woman. Police called again, won't do anything as they've no concerns over the woman and he's not a missing child. This led to nephews mum consenting for him to stay with the woman until the morning. Previous history suggests this is just a delay and the cycle will continue.

WTAF can be done?! Any advice most welcome. He won't engage with me or other family.

He's a child that just cannot be controlled.

Children often don't need controlling - they need understanding.

Is he a child that cannot be understood? Why is that? Who is trying?

Social services safeguarding team have a 24hr duty social worker.

This child would definitely meet threshold for reporting and for social services to do something.

I would absolutely make a noise and encourage all the parents to make a noise. He is a minor. In a house which may have drugs in it. Absolutely just keep informing people as others have said. And try and listen to him. What's going on with him. Try and understand him.

Child Abduction Warning Notice
He’s under 16, she breaches that, power of arrest. Simple

I work in this sector, you need to contact Social Services. There will be a duty number online for your area, they will act. No idea why the police are not acting but they can put a harbouring notice on this woman if she continues to have under 18s at her property. Whatever is going on something isn’t right.

Grooming/County lines or she is the vulnerable one and they are taking advantage of her (although the smiling at the window incident maybe she's not vulnerable but who knows).

Police are useless, it's literally luck of the draw if they deem something worth sorting out it seems. You've probably shot yourselves in the foot telling them you give permission for him to stay the night there, they will probably use that as the green card to do fuck all in future. Going higher up is probably your only option but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Seems crazy that nothing has been done so far. I agree contact social services and his school and say you have major safe guarding concerns. That there’s drug use and concern about county lines. I’d also ring the police today and ask to talk to the duty inspector.

100% this needs taking further

I'd recommend going on your local council website, finding the social services pages and specifically safeguarding. You can report a safeguarding concern yourself.

There may not be anyone available today but definitely tomorrow there'll be a duty worker who will help you with this over the phone.

I'd also get back on to the police. Ask for the details of the outcome of your report and explain youre submitting a safeguarding report and will be letting SS know the police did nothing and ask them (the relevant police dept - they should be able to give you the generic email address which you can mark FAO attending officers if poss regardless have it in writing so you have a paper trail) why they didn't see this as reaching the threshold for a safeguarding concern, and that you shall be submitting it yourself and informing SS that there was no follow up from police.

I'd be raging and you need to make SS aware and ensure safeguarding procedures are followed. SS will undoubtedly do this.

Good luck

I'd be getting all the parents together and going to this womans house.

Ridiculous that the police aren't doing anything!

Why is he unhappy at home? Have his parents always been as ineffectual as they sound in this post?

Thank you this is very helpful.

They already did this and it's not stopped her or the children returning.

As much as you want to (I would), do not engage with the woman yourself as you have no powers. Rest assured social services will follow this up as a safeguarding concern.

He always has been. There is undiagnosed ADHD and potentially other things. He has zero respect, understands no boundaries, is violent and thinks he can do what he likes. My opinion is they've got too many children and don't have the time to give to them all so he's just ended up running wild and it's too late for his behaviour to change.

It sounds like his mum was manipulated by the police into allowing him to stay at the woman’s home as on balance he’d be safer there than out on the streets. For this, she should complain to the inspector and expect an apology.

As for help, I’d report to every agency. School, SS, local authority designated officer. Your first port of call today though is out of hours SS.

If you can't get hold of the police email address, call the station. Explain the situation and they are duty bound to give it to you. Even if you don't have an incident number, outline the date of report and details in your email and express concerns as detailed above so that you have the paper trail with them requesting safeguarding action. This will add weight to the issue and a requirement for them to respond, but again rest assured SS will pick it up, but due to lack of resources may take longer than the police.

Not much help but if I'd been that group of parents standing outside I'd probably have started smashing her windows one by one and laughing back at her. Id definitely take this to the highest police officer as grooming and make it clear you will contact their regulator if anything happens because there was regular contact between you and they didn't act.

Criminal damage will not help the OP deal with this, and is a ridiculous suggestion.

Might also be worth reminding the police not all paedophiles have a penis. She could also be using them for sex and coercing them with fags and booze.

I said it wouldn't help. I also said it's what I would probably be doing. Not what she should be doing.

Apologies Lil, I misread your post

It’s not too late, please don’t give up on him. I don’t have any advice as I have no experience in this area, but please keep fighting for him. There will be support out there, from getting him diagnosed. You say the parents don’t have time for him, is there anyone else who could try and spend some time with him? Listen to him? Make him feel listened to?

this is a terrible situation and I hope you get it sorted. X

This is not okay. This woman could be working for anyone. She now has an access to a vulnerable child (and others by the sound of it)

Ghislaine Maxwell springs to mind. As well as county lines, as others have already mentioned.

The police should have done something. He is a child and that woman has no legal parental responsibility. Police should be bringing him home every time surely and giving the woman a warning at the very minimum?! Bizarre

There isn't anyone who he will talk to in the family. He used to spend time with an uncle but that relationship broke down when he started getting violent and stealing from him.
He's the oldest child in the family and the rest of the family have got younger children to think of which makes it difficult as he sets a bad example to them.
He's had social care involvement before, they've tried many avenues to get him to engage with someone, the school have tried support but he won't attend to receive it.
A lot of places won't take referrals without consent from him.