Friend brings her wife everywhere ...aibu?

[lucybeeess]

We are a group of 10 friends (all female )
Our friend met someone 17 months ago and got married and she brings her everywhere.
Nights out/weekends away etc etc
It just changes the dynamic of it all
Obviously we don't bring our partners with us
Aibu in feeling this way?
It's like she can't function anymore without her being by her side.
She used to be a massive player so part of me thinks it's so she isn't tempted whilst she's out.

I have a bisexual friend and her partner never came to anything. We felt a bit awkward at first like we should invite her as it was always "girls weekends", etc but just because she's a woman too doesn't meant she has to be invited. I'd agree and say "no partners". But I'd have a private conversation with her about it first

I have a friend that did this ,I think because her partner was female, she thought it was fine but it does change the dynamic a bit .

Next time you plan something and she suggests her wife come, perhaps ask ‘ oh, are we bringing partners?’

You say you all have kids bar one. I presume that the couple you are posting about don't have kids.

Is it possible that she thinks that the reason the other partners are not coming along is because they are looking after the children, not because they would not be welcome if they were free to come?

Sorry it was meant to say all married with kids (some of us ) bar one who is single.
Her partner wasn't meant to come to last event but came last minute.
We all travelled by mini bus and they drove.
Only met up on the night and didn't mix at all

I don't think you can ask another woman not to come.

Of course you can.
It's friends only not husbands,wife's,partners regardless of sex.

Friends row more publicly more than married people do, some married people are actually happy together.

Your telling me a group of 10 women dont ever have fall outs?

My DH is my best friend hense why I choose to spend my life with him.

Im far less likely to fall out with my best friend than with my close friends Sophies (who I have got on great with since schools) friend Sarah (who is a bit stuck up but I can put with her in small amounts) new friend Claire (thats shes brought along to the group who is an insufferable lush).

One of my closest friends is a lesbian (and I have always invited her wife along btw) who has kids.

Theres this wonderful thing called insemination (she even introduced me to her donor when she brought him along to the group once, he was a nice guy) and its not the 1950s anymore 2 mams isn't that unusual now.

I completely understand where you are coming from. My friend is joined at the hip to her wife, they are a couple in a group of technically all partner-less people for the evening. It is meant to be an evening without partners not a women only evening. I would broach it asking how it would be if one of you brought your partner to every night out. It is the same thing, it isn't about the sex of the partner.

I go away with a group of female school friends, one of whom is a lesbian. She doesn't bring her partner. Her ex-wife wanted to come a few years ago, but my friend said no.

Is the dynamic not a bit strange anyway if she's the only lesbian? I'm just thinking of the type of chats I have with my girlfriends!!

Absolutely not. I can't think of anything that would be weird to talk about, and we talk about everything under the sun. We all have different jobs, interests, opinions. We are all female with female bodies.

It is annoying that they are now joined at the hip.
It's like she's surgically attached
I personally don't think it should be any different than if I brought my husband along every time.
I don't know how they don't get sick of each other

Is it because they see it as a ladies night and you see it as a friends night-sounds like she doesn't see herself as a partner and wants to be one of the group

Did you post ages ago about a WhatsApp group OP? Similar vibes

You'll just have to say "let's have a night out, just us lot. Next time we can do something with partners"

Why should they start doing outings with partners if that isn't what they usually do?

OP, I think you have to tell your friend that the dynamic changes when she brings her wife so you'd like her not to do that.

If that means she stops coming, too bad for her.

Have a word! Me and DW are included in ‘girls nights’ with our mates that we have together - as in its a joint friendship already, so we’re both part of the grp.
But I do separate stuff with older friends I had pre-DW when we’re doing ‘girls j my’ or no partners.
as you say it changes the dynamic. I know one couple like this and the DW is incredibly insecure so her DW rarely goes anywhere without her. It’s so annoying.

Theres this wonderful thing called insemination (she even introduced me to her donor when she brought him along to the group once, he was a nice guy) and its not the 1950s anymore 2 mams isn't that unusual now.

@mam0918 I am godmother to my best friend's son, whose other parent is my best friend's wife! I presumed that the couple in question had no kids because OP said that they were newly married and talked about her friend's ex that she used to bring along. Nothing to do with them being gay!

If they don’t mix with everyone else, I just wouldn’t bother inviting your friend.

I can see how that would be irritating - what's the point of coming along with the group if you don't socialise with them?!

I agree that saying let's do something together, no partners invited, might be the way to go. Your friend can either come along or decline.
I also meet up with a group of friends whom I've known for about 8 years, and we never bring our OH's along - we do sometimes go out as a group with partners as well, but the default is no partners!

Just posted on a really similar thread about this! And started to wonder if the girlfriend is quite insecure and controlling? I just saw someone else mention it, and it is quite a big red flag...
I've pretty much lost a good friendship because this kept happening. I have a few friends in same sex relationships that see me / our group without their partner. However, one friend became completely infatuated with her girlfriend and stopped meeting up without her present. Over 2 years that then turned into her cancelling our plans because the girlfriend had double booked/forgotten/couldn't make it and I just started to phase her out because our friendship completely changed. Complete lack of consideration for my time, or our plans. She literally doesn't do anything without the girlfriend.
Very sad really as she now has none of her own friends, just her girlfriends group.

In two years we have seen her once without her wife.
That was her hen night.
Everything else she won't come unless she is there.
We haven't had a night out,food out etc since they met.
She's a totally different person
Previous to this on nights out she was the life and soul.
She did used to be a bit of a player so I think she doesn't come out unless her wife is there incase she slips into her old ways (just a guess )
It's getting frustrating
I'm not sure if the wife is insecure -maybe if she's told her about her past she might be.
I really don't know

If they ever split -I don't know what she will do
Probably just slip back into our group /her ways