AIBU to miss my old body and think I’ll never lose weight?

[Nosizefitsalll]

Lockdown, medication, menopause, stress eating through my mums illness, I’ve put on 5 stones in 3 years i‘m definitely obese

I saw a photo from 5 years ago and I look like a different person, it made me cry so much, I feel like I will never ever lose any weight, despite previously losing weight reasonably easily any time I tried.

im pretty fit, I swim in the sea most days, I work full time and I also walk the dog for a couple of hours most days but i totally overeat and I have not been able to stop.

i feel so ugly and old, I haven’t had sex in ages because I feel so bad about myself and my husband has stopped trying

things I’ve tried

1. intermittent fasting
2. lifestyle coach
3. weight watchers/slimming world
4. low inflammation diet

I’ve failed at them all, when I needed to lose weight before I just cut out processed foods and sugar, basically ate stir fries fish and eggs and loads of veg and the weight came off, I am not able to stick to anything now, the cravings are unbeatable for me :( is this it now?

I feel your pain!
I haven't tried diets because I only HAVE one meal a day - bad hip so probably lack of moving around, although I try.
Typical (only) meal - mushroom risotto. Muller rice with fresh fruit. A few brazil & walnuts. An orange. That's it. I'm size 18.

I was feeling the same as you until recently. I'm 53 and was just inside the obese bracket. Had been the same weight for about 8 or 9 years. Well, I saw some photos and couldn't believe how awful I looked and decided I'd have to change. I don't want to be an obese old lady.

I've lost almost 2 stone in 5 months, and am now delighted to be only 'overweight', rather than 'obese'. And the weight loss is continuing. I do intermittent fasting, am low carb and mostly vegan, and now run two miles on my treadmill 4-5 times per week.

It's not necessarily the method you choose though, but your sticktoitiveness and self control. You really have to decide that you're doing it and kept control of yourself. You are in charge of your body and behaviour. You can decide not to eat till 11, you can decide not to eat that chocolate. It's not easy, I know, but it does get easier.
Good luck.

As a fat person I will probably have to hide this thread eventually but since nobody has said anything too heinous yet I'll contribute.

Yes I'm sure you need to lose weight for your health blah etc but I think the reason your failing is you're making it the ONLY way you can feel better about yourself. The sex thing is a vicious circle because having sex feels nice and generally improves your well being. I'm sure your H won't give a shit. Have you told him why you don't want sex?

It's great that you're swimming every day. Are you doing other things you enjoy that make you feel capable and strong?

Have you got clothes that are nice and make you feel good? I have, and I'm huge.

I'm not saying don't diet/lose weight but I am saying if you attach the whole of your wellbeing to doing so that's a lot of pressure and might add to the reason you're finding it difficult.

I don’t have nice clothes, I’ve bought a few cheap baggy joggers/ tops because I didn’t want to buy you many in this size, my husband has made comments about buying me new clothes if I want them a few times but I’ve said no as it’s like admitting defeat, which is ironic cause I definitely feel defeated!

So I did noom for a while, which massively helped with the stress eating, general over eating and eating through boredom.

Then I quit alcohol, lost a bit of weight.

Then I stopped eating after 8pm, lost a bit of weight.

Now I'm in the right headspace where I can be hungry, and not be hangry- sweet food just doesn't taste very good anymore and I can genuinely just restrict my calories.

Also, I have the approach that there are no days off, this is just the way I eat now, which helps with the bargaining and false rewards.

I think people think that feeling the worst you possibly can is the key to sticking to weightloss because desperation makes you do it. But in fact if you hate yourself every slip with a biscuit feels much more significant than it needs to and convinces your you're so crap you can't do it and what's the point so you eat the packet.

You are worth nice clothes fat or thin. You can sell them on when you don't need them any more, to someone else who is also worth nice clothes.

And buy clothes that fit!! Why are you punishing yourself for the way your body is right now? Nobody else gives a flying monkey's about what number it says on a hidden label.

You can't change from a place of hatred. You can only change from a place of acceptance and love.

Buy some nice clothes now. You don't need to wear them forever!

Do you get enough sleep? Lack of sleep makes you hungrier and makes fat loss a million times harder.

Calorie counting. Find out your TDEE online, download my fitness pal or similar and try some online workouts. You will lose weight if you stick to it. Not easy of course but take it one week at a time

I agree with @Mardyface that feeling bad is NOT the key to successful weight loss.
When I started losing weight I felt good about myself; for both how I was looking and with strength I'd never credited myself with before, and it was this feeling good that is driving me forward to continue, not Shane or self loathing.

I buy nice 2nd hand clothes from Vinted to try and look nice along the way; I can sell them on later. No need for floppy t-shirts and joggers.

*shame, not Shane!! He was no help at all!

Just wondered if you wanted to be my weighloss buddy? I’ve got 4 stone to lose and would love to do weekly weigh ins with someone and support each other with WhatsApp messaging etc. I’m 37 and have 4 stone to lose

The only thing thats worked for me over the last 5 years is Fast800, just lost 7lb in 3 weeks

There are lots of us in this position for very similar reasons - don't feel shit about yourself.

I feel the same. I have friends who have lost weight. They realise its now a long game and change thei eating habits over months not weeks

There is a moment or any of us when the uncontrollable cravings suddenly become actually controllable.
For me that was basically breaking a piece of furniture....

I found calories work the best because I still can have what I want just smaller amount or slightly changed to fit in.

No point crying over weight tbh. Just get yourself a normal dress, stop self flagellating and get on with it. Goes much easier when you realise that crying and hating or whatever is genuinely just a waate of energy which is better spend elsewhere

Don't feel bad about struggling to manage your diet OP - it's something lots of us struggle with. Everyone has some stuff in life that is easier/harder than other stuff, and the hard/easy stuff is different for everyone, and it also changes across different times in our lives.

There's definitely no need to beat yourself up for seemingly having less willpower than a few years ago. Actually a few years ago there were different things going on in your life and at that time, choosing to eat or not eat particular foods was easier. Now it's a bit harder, because of what has been happening in your life and the consequences of those things on your emotions and mental health. That's ok, it's just the way it is for now. There are probably other things you are finding easier.

If you want to explore why the food part is harder and how it might become easier again, you could consider some talk therapy. But in the meantime, be kind to yourself. There's no moral inferiority in carrying some extra weight.

I'm coming at this as someone that has lost more than 10stone and kept it off for 5years.
I did have to hit rock bottom before I got in the right mindset, but I'm also a stubborn cow who wasn't going to accept the doctor telling me it would be impossible to do myself.

My main "tip" would be to say to break everything in to little steps.

Start by downloading myfitnesspal and spend a week just recording everything you eat and drink. For me just doing this made me more mindful of what I was putting in my mouth.
After that week, plug your details in and choose a weightloss goal. Don't go for the 2lb/week option, 1lb/week is plenty. Set yourself some short, medium and long term goals. They don't need to all be weightloss based but some ideas might be
Short term 5lb lost
Medium term 10% bodyweight lost
Long term hitting your goal weight.
That way your hitting a goal at least once a month and just doing that gives extra motivation.

Along the way you'll slip up, don't let it gey you down, just record what you've eaten and then start a new day. Don't ban foods; that will make you want them more, instead learn which foods are worth the calories. KFC snack boxes are definitely not worth the 700 Calories but Magnums are more than worth the 300 (in my opinion).

Try to include some sort of resistance training in your schedule. Being overweight also means more muscle and you want to retain as much as possible (plus it's good for improving bone density).

I'm sure there's a lot more I could say, but if you have any questions just ask.

I cam take weight off but not maintain very well.
Iv found lifting weights really helps maintain weight even when overeating.
HRT has helped

Chuck out all the bad food - if it’s not there, you can’t eat it. If you get the cravings, go for a walk. You can do this!

There's no quick fixes. I've lost approx 2.5 stone in the last 2 years and I'm a similar age to you.
I've switched to only porridge at breakfast with seeds, nuts, flax, fruit etc. I rarely eat lunch, maybe some rice or corn cakes with peanut butter.Reasonable meal at 6.00pm with not very much after that. Key points have been I have to eat a really good breakfast, very little bread, weigh pasta and rice portions and occasionally log my weeks meals to check my calories.
We have bi annual health checks at work and I'm still in the overweight category but not obese, cholesterol is excellent and my metabolic age has dropped by decades.

So true, when you prowl the cupboards at 11.00pm and there's no rubbish it makes such a difference.

What excellent advice on all these posts, MN excells itself some days.

Don't ban foods; that will make you want them more, instead learn which foods are worth the calories. KFC snack boxes are definitely not worth the 700 Calories but Magnums are more than worth the 300 (in my opinion).

Massive yes to this. Looking at happy/taste vs calorie value was really helpful. Some things are totally not worth it. It's like they suddenly taste more like sad disappointment!