AIBU to miss my old body and think I’ll never lose weight?

[Nosizefitsalll]

Lockdown, medication, menopause, stress eating through my mums illness, I’ve put on 5 stones in 3 years i‘m definitely obese

I saw a photo from 5 years ago and I look like a different person, it made me cry so much, I feel like I will never ever lose any weight, despite previously losing weight reasonably easily any time I tried.

im pretty fit, I swim in the sea most days, I work full time and I also walk the dog for a couple of hours most days but i totally overeat and I have not been able to stop.

i feel so ugly and old, I haven’t had sex in ages because I feel so bad about myself and my husband has stopped trying

things I’ve tried

1. intermittent fasting
2. lifestyle coach
3. weight watchers/slimming world
4. low inflammation diet

I’ve failed at them all, when I needed to lose weight before I just cut out processed foods and sugar, basically ate stir fries fish and eggs and loads of veg and the weight came off, I am not able to stick to anything now, the cravings are unbeatable for me :( is this it now?

Firstly, buy some nice clothes that make you feel good. You’re seeing yourself in a negative light because you haven’t lost weight but how can you expect to lose weight when you are telling yourself every day that you’re not even worth some new clothes? Fat or slim you deserve to look your best.

Agree with pp’s about keeping the stodgy food out of the house, but also try and see it as eating for health and well being rather than depriving yourself to lose weight. Plenty of protein, veg and healthy carbs, very little sugar and white carbs. I don’t really calorie count but you can honestly eat more clean, wholesome food without putting on weight. That being said, do allow yourself a treat meal every couple of weeks.

I love cardio exercise such as running and spinning, but at my age it doesn’t help with weight loss. The only thing that does help is weight training so I would suggest you start to do that as well as some targeted core work. It’s hard and I don’t really enjoy it but I do enjoy feeling stronger and looking more trim so it’s worth it.

Weight lifting will help enormously

Saxenda.
It's expensive but it works. It resets everything and it's been a life saver for me.

It sucks when you look back and feel bad. Honestly the only way I’m losing weight is to be hungry. I’ve failed for years. I’ve embraced that I have to feel hungry all the time, even just a little bit. I’ve lost 8lbs in 4 weeks. Calories are working out between 1000-1200 per day on MFP. Good luck. It’s so so hard.

I recently had my third child and have lost 3.5 stone since. Buy the fucking clothes. Get your nails done. Treat yourself without food (cinema, spa treatments, nice candles, herbal tea). It sounds like trite bullshit but love yourself first!

I have only sympathy. As you say UPFs are the devil. I had some success with hypnosis. Maybe start with the "I can make you thin" book/app and/or find a good hypnotherapist?

But please, lay off the self-loathing

Tbh that is just how it is. If you are creating 7000cal deficit a week you will be hungry often. It's nothing terrible a long as you are not extremely undereating.

Your body is your one body, you don't have an old body and a new body. No bad old you, and good new you in the future if you can just do the right thing. You're doing your best under the circumstances you're in, with the feelings and experience you have. There's no beach body, no holiday body, no Christmas party body. It gets you around, it swims in the sea, it walks the dog, it is worthy of it's place and its loved by many people. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Really lovely post.

I was where you are now seven months ago. I was so desperately low and couldn't see how I could get in the right frame of mind to set about losing the weight. I'd been through an awful , heartbreaking situation during lockdown and had lost all control of my eating. Then to cap it all off I had a back injury which had me bedridden for a few months....cue even more comfort eating and lack of mobility.
Even being hospitalised for a nasty gallbladder infection didn't change my overeating. Then being told my cholesterol was raised....I can't take statins so was put on another type of medication and advised to eat low fat and low dairy. Still I continued to scoff away....until one day something clicked in my brain. I realised I was quite literally going to eat myself into an early grave.....or as one friend put it...digging my grave with my teeth!
I also realised I didn't even enjoy what I was eating...just eating for the sake of it. I remember reading somewhere about "emotional hunger"....where food replaces something else you're lacking and it really resonated with me.
I decided what I needed was to feel in control again so I set about devising a plan that works for me.
l aim for 1200 cals a day....don't have anything above 5gms of fat per 100gms. I eat lots of fruit and veg, weigh out my carbs and have a treat of about 100 cals. It all seems very regimented but it's the only thing that's worked for me. I've lost almost 3 stone and feel so much better....physically and emotionally.
I feel so much empathy with you OP....be kind to yourself. There's no magic cure....it does take time and effort but if I can do it...you can too!

I'm losing weight by doing 5:2. I've tried this method before and it works, but I've always given up as it's so much faff counting calories for the 2 days so strictly. This time I've been having Exante bars or shakes on the fasting days and it is so much easier! I wouldn't do a full on shake or bar diet as I think you just put the weight back on as soon as you stop doing it, but as a tool to help with the 5;2 way of eating I find them useful.

Yup. It's rarely suggested, but weights in tandem with a good (lifetime) diet is really the best way. Doing one encourages you to do the other, and before long you catch yourself enjoying it.

Swimming and walking are both lovely forms of exercise, but if I were you I’d think about shaking this up a bit (pardon the pun).

Weight training is a great idea, but something like yoga or Pilates might also be worth a try to get you back in touch with your body - they won’t help you lose weight, but they might help you feel a bit more positive about yourself.

As you say you’re quite fit, couch to 5k might be worth thinking about?

Though some of the replies on this thread are sympathetic some are judging and you are bound to get people who say anyone who is over eight stone, say, are obese. There are some good and supportive threads on the weight loss threads, which might inspire and support you more. I was plunged into a depression when I read on here someone saying anyone over a certain weight are obese. I have spend the last three months dieting and am down two dress sizes. It has not been easy, but according to the charts et. I am still obese! Reading judgemental comments do not help.

Great post 👏

Another great post!

I'm in a similar position, OP. @MMardyface makes really good points - before you follow some of the other good suggestions on this thread around diet, perhaps take some time to work on some non-diet and self-acceptance goals? Get yourself a few nice things that fit you now. Maybe get a hair cut or your nails done. Come up with some non-food treats. Focus on going to bed at a reasonable time and having a good night's sleep. Basically treat yourself as you would if you were already slim, but do it right now.

Then when you're feeling a bit better about yourself, gently start to look at your eating habits.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed and down, OP.

I've gained some weight this year - I'm 48, so perimenopausal and also been dealing with parental illness. I know I'm snacking late at night and having more glasses of wine to cope with the stress.

I'm dealing with it by just focusing on one thing at a time. I started by cutting back on alcohol and lost some weight very quickly. I've not quit, just have 1-2 glasses of wine at the weekend. My intake had previously increased to 6-8 by drinking during the week as well. I have sparkling water instead; it still feels like a treat!

It was tough the first week, but once you break the habit, you lose the craving, as @Timeforabiscuit says. I'm working on the late-night snacking now by avoiding the kitchen in the evenings.

Yup yes and yes. But I miss my pre pregnancy body. Always have done and my son is 18. Didn’t have to worry about what I ate. My body had not fallen apart due to pregnancy and birth. Sometimes I look at my photos from then and actually cry.

Have more confidence in yourself. You can do it - and you will.

Dont think "I have to lose 5 stone" or whatever. That makes it seem like a mountain to climb and is dispiriting.

Rather, seek to change your lifestyle and then take it day by day.

Think of it like you are trying to change how you live (eating, exercise etc) rather than meet any particular goal. If you can do that, we find we achieve goals almost as a by product!

About 18 months ago, I was about 4 stone overweight. I am now a health BMI figure (albeit at the very top of the range).

I identified the "problems" with my diet - booze, snacks, portion control - and sought to fix them. We all have different issues in terms of what we do wrong diet wise.

Sure, sometimes I failed and drank too much or had snacks etc - but we all fail at some time, the main thing is that we are generally better. If we are, then the odd mishap is no big deal.

Dont try to live like a nun - all that happens is that you sicken yourself which leads to "giving up".

Allow yourself a treat once per week - chocolate, or wine, whatever it is - but ensure you are disciplined the rest of the time. (of course,a special occasion or holiday is different).

Try to meet the recommend amount of moving about per day. I had become very sedentary. Now I try to get out and about a few times a day, even if its wet or dark etc. Walking a mile is as good as running a mile, in terms of burning calories (1 mile = approx 100 cals).

What I found helped was visualising treats in terms of the amount of exercise needed to burn them off. A 45g bar of dairy milk has 240 cals. That means you need to walk or run nearly 2.5 miles just to get rid of 1 dairy milk. Is that really worth it, especially considering its not nutritious? (its OK as the odd treat, sure, but not every day).

Ditch large amounts of carbs (potatoes, chips etc) and instead fill up with generous amts of low calorie veg. You can really fill yourself up, with very little calorific penalty.

Be aware of your calorific intake vs the recommended amount and try to be calorie deficient each day to lose weight. If you eat healithy and exercise, you find you can make good "savings" which pays dividends.

Take it day by day, try to come in under the calorie amount and also exercising. You soon get into a routine. Your body will get used to smaller and/or healthier portions and you start to see results. When you do, you will be encouraged to try for more.

Its not that hard, we just convince ourselves it is. For example, if the daily calorie intake is 2000 calories:

breakfast: milks coffee, cereal and milk + piece of fruit: say 400 cals

lunch: tin of veg soup + 2 slices bread: say 400 cals

dinner: allow say 800 cals, including a good wedge of veggies.

Drinks lots of water too, rather than sugary juice etc - helps fill you up.

That is a healthy days eating (can still get 5 a day fruit and veg), but under the calorie limit, which some decent exercise on top will only improve on .

Have confidence. You can and will do it. You deserve it!