Is letting your teenager try alcohol sensible or irresponsible?

[Clue1ess]

I have two young teenagers and at the moment, I don’t think they are interested in alcohol yet. But, I’m undecided what my approach would be if/when they do show an interest.

I know some people let their young teenagers drink small amounts at home occasionally. Their argument being that it’s better at home than somewhere unsafe and it becomes ‘less’ of a forbidden fruit.

However, could this back fire? what age did you let your kids drink?

iabu: Yes to letting teenagers drink
ianbu: No, wait until they are an adult

I'll be introducing it during the teen years because that's how I was brought up and alcohol is not, and never has been an issue for me.

As an adult, I drink probably 1-2 glasses of wine per week and when I lived alone in my 20s I never bought it. I do drink socially but hate feeling drunk (and get terrible hangovers if I do) so I'm quite careful about moderating myself.

You can’t get ahead of being a problem drinker. If you are going to have a problem with alcohol drinking sensibly at home is a hilariously quaint idea. As a parent you’re just introducing your child to alcohol earlier.

if your child is not going to have a problem with alcohol it’s probably a moot conversation. Do whatever you choose.

I think a lot depends on your situation, your children’s personality and where you live.

My elder three are all in their twenties now and allowing controlled amounts of alcohol from 16 worked with them. I got lambasted on here when I had a moan about a mother that was trying to have her daughter circumnavigate the rules in place for a party at our house.

However, at the time we lived in an area that was having massive problems with young teens drinking cheap vodka by the river.

it worked for them. Our area has changed and my younger kids have very different personalities to the elder three so I may not do the same with them.

Everyone can only do the best they think for their specific situation,

I’ve always allowed it, with a meal. My 22 year old doesn’t drink at all. My 15 year old likes a couple of sips of Wine with special meals such as birthdays and Christmas. We (parents) like a glass or 2 of wine, we sometimes go months without a drink and it’s never made a big thing of. My father was an alcoholic so for me it’s important that it’s just not very exciting.

To put that in context - about 18 percent of people who drink alcohol are problem drinkers.

@LisaD1

the excitement point is interesting. Good thought.

How old actually are they? If they're 13/14 then I'd let them have a small glass of something on special occasions so they feel included. But it'd be something like prosecco or a beer shandy, not a vodka coke 😬😂

Also I guess it's a case of setting an example, so do you drink regularly? If so they might be more inclined to give it a try, I wouldn't begrudge a sip, they probably won't like the taste anyway 😂

I think a lot is also the young person personality. Our eldest , nieces & nephews have occasionally joined in with a beer/wkd type drink - none of them in later teenager years have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. My daughter only once got very drunk with friends and lesson learnt.

Our rules when 16-18 we provide you with a couple of drinks, you stay safe and don’t drink (stronger spirits or other peoples ) if we pick you up from a party drunk drunk then rules change. The teenagers with the most issues are the parents who are a lot stricter those often have to ask older siblings/older friends sibling to provide alcohol usually a bottle of vodka!

My youngest is 13 I think when the time comes we will have to probably shift our approach different from our eldest - she a rule breaker and likes to push the boundaries. I think she will take advantage of the trust so we need to find a balance.

Mum of 3 lads here 17, 15 and 10.
Growing up my oldest brother was a raging alcoholic. Seeing him abuse it (and then us as a result - violent horrible man) put me off to be honest. I had my first drink at 19. Never drank to get drunk but liked the taste of certain drinks. I have a high tolerance for it and have never had a hangover - but I just don’t see the attraction in regular drinking and to be honest I have loads of other things I can spend my money on!

I’ve been very drunk 3 times in my life (only sick from alcohol once and that was because there was coffee in the drink) and have no plans to increase that number. I’m open with my kids. I’m NC with their uncle and tell them why. I use him as a warning and tell them of the dangers it poses to health when consumed to excess.

My 17 year old is an old head on young shoulders. He’s very sensible and a lovely young man. He has had wine with communion from the age of 8 and hated the taste so only had his first taste of alcohol at 16 at a party. He has the odd can of cider but says he doesn’t like not being in control and doesn’t want to get drunk - he just likes the taste.

15 year old again has had wine with communion since 8 and hated the taste (🤣) He has a more carefree disposition that his brother, but still sensible when it counts. He has already had a drink. He was at a friend’s house and we were aware alcohol would be there so I gave him a 4 pk for the night (he was staying over). He was told to only drink his own (so he knew what was in it) and to space them out over the night by having soft drinks in between and not to feel pressure to have all 4. He came home next day and said he’d shared his cans with a friend and had spent the night keeping an eye on one of two who had had too much!

We have drink at home but hubby and I only occasionally indulge. I’m trying not to make it a big mystery. Youngest has wet his lips with wine (not made his communion yet thanks to Covid) and not overly bothered but snuck a taste of my gin when I wasn’t looking once and is rather taken with that - which worries me slightly 🤣🫣 I am like Hawkeye around him now!!
All joking aside, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. Do I think it’s right that teens are allowed throw parties where there’s alcohol? No. As an Irish mammy I was shocked when I was contacted by son’s friend’s mum to say she was allowing alcohol that night. I didn’t see the need myself, but rather than hoik my judgy pants, I tried to navigate through it with my middle one as best I could.

It’s all about balance I think. Every teen is different. I certainly won’t be giving my ten year old cans or bottles for a good few years yet!

Jaypers, that was a longer post than I anticipated!! Sorry folks 🫣💕

Our son was 15yrs old this Summer & we did let him have a very small glass of cider every now & then, whilst on holiday, along with a meal. Plus a 'taste' of wine & beer, as he was curious.

I think as long as it's under your supervision & you have a 'sensible drinking' type chat about the whole thing, it's fine. 🤷‍♀️

My parents always had a bottle of wine on the table with evening meal, which we were allowed to drink too from being around seven years old.
I did the same with my kids, they do the same with their kids.
We're not British.
My parents never minded us having beer or spirits from being around fourteen, the same with me and my kids.
None of us have problems with alcohol and very seldom, if ever become drunk.

I was introduced to alcohol “responsibly”, “like the French”.
it didn’t stop me drinking to excess down the park as a teen or developing a really unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I no longer drink.

In my own experience, having alcohol in a safe environment took away that rebellious thrill it gave. I was allowed to drink at home if I wanted to. One new years, me and a few of my friends drank at my house instead of a building site like they'd wanted to. On the odd occasion that I did go out and drink, I felt comfortable knowing if something bad happened I could call my parents for help without judgement or punishment.

A few of my friends who's families were very strict about alcohol ended up drinking a lot more regularly and that continued into adulthood. I remember one of them calling my mum when we were 2 hours away because they'd gotten into a bad situation and they were to scared to call their own parents for help because they knew how extreme their reactions would be.

You don't have to put the alcohol in their hand but encouraging open communication is really important. Most teens are going to drink with or without your permission. If you want them to be honest then let them know you are a safe person to talk to.

I was from a teetotal household. Didn't drink any alcohol until I was 24. Now I am verging on alcoholic. Or I am. Just undiagnosed.
I throw that out there as a 'we can't know.'

I think the best thing to do is keep the lines of communication open. When my DD started meeting her friends, she said some of them were going to the shop to buy cans of Stella. She had a sip and said it was gross. She also said they couldn't handle it.

However, as time went on, I could see she wanted to 'join in.' We talked and she said she would like to try some cider. I bought a single bottle of fairly low alcohol cider and then she said she was going to tell her friends she 'sneaked it' from me. Thus appearing cool with her teenage friends. She took it, drunk it, it gave her a big headache and she's never mentioned it again.

She did say that she can tell from the faces they pull that her friends don't actually like Stella.

I was allowed a babycham, shandy, tiny bit of wine. Didn’t drink as a teen much at all.

Smoking on the other hand was banned, so I would steal my parents ciggs and smoke them 😂occasionally. I hated them though and never went on to smoke.

Personality plays such a big part in it.

My parents were alcoholic drug addicts. My grandparents, who I ended up living with, had a “normal” attitude to alcohol in that they liked the odd glass of wine with a meal, grandad had a pint or two with his friends and Nana liked the occasional Sherry on a special occasion.

Of my siblings and I, two are alcoholics, one is unhealthily anti alcohol (won’t attend any event where there is any alcohol and dumped her boyfriend of 3 years because he had a pint) and I went from being so scared of it I had a panic attack at 17 when I was in a pub to a healthy attitude of can take it or leave it and don’t see a problem in moderation. That took a lot of counselling.

I was allowed small amount of alcohol since the age of 14. Now grown up I drink only when I like the taste of something and appreciate it every now and then. Never had a binge drink or even enough to have a hangover in my life

Having a few sips of alcohol with your family and going on the piss with friends have nothing to do with each other. Teens do both, either, or neither depending on their personality and what their peers are getting up to.