Is letting your teenager try alcohol sensible or irresponsible?

[Clue1ess]

I have two young teenagers and at the moment, I don’t think they are interested in alcohol yet. But, I’m undecided what my approach would be if/when they do show an interest.

I know some people let their young teenagers drink small amounts at home occasionally. Their argument being that it’s better at home than somewhere unsafe and it becomes ‘less’ of a forbidden fruit.

However, could this back fire? what age did you let your kids drink?

iabu: Yes to letting teenagers drink
ianbu: No, wait until they are an adult

It's better that their first and early experiences with alcohol are with you Ryan with inexperienced friends.
A responsible relationship with alcohol is fostered in many countries by drinking with adults as teens.
I drank a small glass wine, beer or cider with my parents at weekend meals. It didn't stop me having excesses when 17/18 but the hype around drinking was never there for me as it was never forbidden.

All the evidence is that (on average) letting your teen drink at home is associated with higher levels of drinking down the line. This may partly be due to the fact that households where teens are allowed to drink tend to be ones where drinking is normalised, irrespective of whether it’s allowed for teens. OTOH modelling a healthy relationship with alcohol is associated with lower levels of drinking.

Not until sixth form/college is my rule. That is age 16-18.

I don’t think that introducing it younger has any benefits at all, only potential harms.

I too heard that France has a problem with alcoholism and cirrhosis of the liver. Binge drinking isn’t the problem there but daily drinking throughout the day.

Some people are more susceptible to alcoholism than others and early introduction to alcohol increases the likelihood of developing a problem. We go to so much effort with what we put into our bodies when we are pregnant and carefully choosing weaning foods, seems odd to then start encouraging them to drink alcohol which causes problems with the developing teenage brain amongst other issues. Drinking alcohol at all isn’t compulsory. We don’t have to prepare them for it by plying them with alcohol in their tender years, make sure they are well informed, set them a good example and they can do it or not when they are older teenagers or young adults.

Three adult sons, allowed a small bottle lager (250ml ones) or prosecco on occasions from about 14. None ever drank in a park. Eldest loves many types of drink, has never been too drunk that he couldn't walk (unlike some of his friends that I had to collect on occasions) but can drink quite a few drinks in one sitting, next one never really liked it, doesn't drink at all and third one accidentally got ill after too much prosecco at home at 16 and didn't drink for another 10 years, now he drinks a few times a month but knows his limits. So all treated the same but turned out differently.

My 15 year old has asked to taste what I’m drinking now and again and I don’t mind them having a sip. But I probably only have a drink at home once a month or so. I don’t scare them off alcohol, but then I don’t encourage it at this age either. I’m not giving them a joint to get used to it so don’t want to do the same with alcohol!

I have tried to educate though..eg. I’m drinking a gin, let me show you how much spirit is one drink’s worth, so that if a friend ever turns up at the park with a bottle of vodka there’s less chance of something going wrong.

Alcohol is poison. I think as a society we have normalised and capitalised drinking to the point of a detachment of what it really is. It’s ingrained in our culture!
I am hoping to educate my children and hope they make the right choices. I am not naive to the fact that alcohol will probably feature in their lives but I won’t be promoting it!

My ex tried wine for the first time at 11 and is now an alcoholic. My kids don't see me drinking as I'm trying to provide them with the example that you don't have to drink to get through life, as they see from their dad. I also don't want to demonise alcohol as that might make it worse. No idea what is actually the right thing to do.

Yes - takes away the forbidden notion and they’re far less likely to drink to excess as a result. Worked for mine.

Im probably your aunt 😂I'll try that approach with my son then 👌

My 8 yr old has tried the occasional sip of wine / beer. I want to normalise it like the French do, to discourage later binge drinking. He knows it’s very unhealthy but thet a little bit is not a disaster. He understands.

I was allowed alcohol in my teens and allowed to have parties at like 15/16. My parents took the view of me having parties meant me and my friends were drinking somewhere safe which was true! But I think my parents letting me and my brother have alcohol meant I wasn’t overly fussed by it. I found that my friends with stricter parents on this subject tended to go a bit off the rails when they hit 18

We let both ours drink at about 14, now 25 and 27 and neither have a drinking problem .
I think its because we only drink with a meal, dh only once or twice a week, me only 1 or 2 a month , so they go by our example

My daughter (17) has no interest. My son probably started on a few beers at parties from the age of 15, but only once got really drunk. I think I let him try a bit of wine at some point but he hated it.

"Providing alcohol to children is associated with alcohol-related harms. There is no evidence to support the view that parental supply protects from adverse drinking outcomes by providing alcohol to their child. Parents should be advised that this practice is associated with risk, both directly and indirectly through increased access to alcohol from other sources."

From a large study by Mattick et al., (2018), Association of parental supply of alcohol with adolescent drinking, alcohol-related harms, and alcohol use disorder symptoms: a prospective cohort study, The Lancet: Public Health, Vol. 3, No. 2.

My parents were not drinkers at all. My dad was completely teetotal, (only due to a very bad experience when he was in the army at 21 and was so ill he never drank a drop ever again), and my mum was a very light occasional drinker while he was alive (bloody pisshead after he died.. lol.. and she was in her 60s then but loved having several glasses of wine with her mates most evenings, I think she was making up for lost time! (that was lighthearted btw).

However as a teenager I had a real issue with drinking and would get pissed very regularly. Out with my mates at 14 etc, and back then (80s) getting hold of alcohol was so easy.

I do feel that if my parents had been more helpful and given me a bit of advice, I might not have gone down the road I did, but they were very naive and I was very devious and could run rings round them tbh.

I would personally say, let them try it under supervision, dont make it taboo and dont make them scared to admit to you that they have had a drink.

The idea of alcohol was not mystifing to me as a teenager- the feeling of being drunk was.

My parents offered me a fruity cider occasionally from about 14, and they used to say how mature and sensible I was for saying that I didn't want any.

In reality I knew what it tasted like beacause I had had some at a wedding before and I knew that that 1 or 2 ciders would not get me drunk.

So I maintained my sensible and mature image, and it nicely covered me when I would go to parties/ gatherings and get drunk on mixed spirits

I think if teenagers want to drink they will drink and the parents strategy won't play that much into it. What did help was learning very quickly what my limits were. I had fun as a teenager and don't really drink as an adult.

I've allowed my dd 15 to try alcohol with me. I know she'll be drinking it with friends at some point, but a lot of the kids go down to the river here to drink. I wanted her to know how different drinks made her feel, in a safe environment, Should she want some. We've spoken about how the time of day and how much and what she has eaten can effect how you feel.

I’d never encourage a child to drink alcohol. Latest evidence shows harm to the developing brain and that the idea that introducing them to it earlier leads to a better relationship with alcohol is not true.

i did drink quite regularly when I was younger, although only occasionally now. My 25 year old DS has never drunk alcohol and is definitely not unusual among his peers.

I don't think it makes a blind bit of difference what parents do, but I certainly have never encouraged any of my dc to drink. Why would you?

Nope.

The longer they can stay away from alcohol the better. @Thenose quoted a study that found parents allowing it does not encourage sensible behaviour.

Best thing you can do is be a role model yourself.

I let Dd drink a small amount sensibly with me.
She's now 21 and rarely drinks, just no interest.

That said, she came home utterly hammered twice, once at 15, and once at 17.
I honestly don't think that's anything to do with allowing alcohol or not, I think it's stupid teenage behaviour.

I'd allow them try small amounts at home.

A friend whose teenager had a big interest in sports at 16, his first night drinking his dad let him get really drunk while supervised.

His son felt so sick he had no interest in drinking for many years afterwards.

I'm on my 4th teenager and all have been allowed to drink at home from 15, all have sensible attitudes to drink. When you make drink this big taboo that's when they're more
likely to be drunk in a field.
Oddly, MN have a very odd attitude to drink that I've never come across IRL, 2 drinks and your an alcoholic
or '2 wines and I'm paralytic'

DS is 20. He joined in family celebrations with prosecco mixed with orange from being 13/14. That was literally all he had. One flute of orange and fizz. These days if he goes 'out for a drink' (pretty rare he is autistic so has one good mate from school who works in a pub) he has a single dark rum and coke. If he is feeling carefree he has 2 or 3 and on a work night out he once had some tequila shots. This generation are so different from mine. Not in a bad way but my goodness I used to get utterly wasted from being 16 ish as did DH.

Tbh I tried alcohol a bit at Christmas when I was a young teen. Got drunk with my friends soon after. There was a permissive culture, went out at 15 with friends to pubs, sister bought me drinks when she took me on holiday at 13/14, family thought it was funny when I came home very drunk at 16. Massive alcoholic now, haven't introduced any of my kids to alcohol obviously. Obviously it was a different time, but fucking hell be careful.