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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked for the uniform back?

37 replies

LiveInSunshine · 09/09/2022 12:42

Acquaintance was on a number of local Facebook groups asking for Brownies uniform. One of my daughters had a leftover uniform in good condition, and her younger sister doesn’t need it for over a year still. Acquaintance’s daughter only has 6 months in Brownies from when she starts until she’ll move up to guides.

I decided to let her have the uniform, It came to us as good condition hand me downs for free. Figured I could ask for it back once it was used, or I’d probably find another hand me down. Karma? Just thought I’d be nice, as it’s a lay out for only 6 months of use.

The following evening she was selling the jumper and shorts on Facebook, same size. No marks so hard to tell if the same one- but surprised me.

I messaged politely and said ‘I saw you selling Brownies jumpers on Facebook. If you don’t need it anymore for any reason could I have it back please? Xxx will use it’.

She went off on one, saying she’d got one elsewhere after all and I could have let her split the cost. Claims it was the other one she was selling, not mine (why not return it? Why acquire it after collecting mine ) I then found the uniform on my doorstep in a carrier back, almost like it had been hurled at the door, half out of the bag and slumped over.

She’s an affluent confident kind of person normally, big house etc. So I don’t think it was a money thing.

Would you have asked? I was annoyed, but I haven’t bitched or moaned or posted publicly over it, just that message above. Clearly the loose friendship is over!

OP posts:
JoeyThePrawn · 09/09/2022 12:45

People are just weird . I'd not take any notice we all have our moments

HangOnToYourself · 09/09/2022 12:45

You probably should have mentioned wanting it back at some point further down the line

MatildaTheCat · 09/09/2022 12:46

No CF likes to be called out.

well done.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/09/2022 12:49

I think you should have been clearer about wanting it back when you gave it to her. Yanbu but neither is she.

abw94 · 09/09/2022 12:52

You should have stated you wanted it back when you first gave it her. Once you've given someone something (without stipulation) they can do what they like with it.

Bonheurdupasse · 09/09/2022 12:52

MatildaTheCat · 09/09/2022 12:46

No CF likes to be called out.

well done.

This OP.

Well done.

ChimChimeny · 09/09/2022 12:58

She's not a mind reader, if it was a loan you should have told her

OldEvilOwl · 09/09/2022 13:10

You should have told her it was a loan. Otherwise, she could do what she liked with it

UrsulaPandress · 09/09/2022 13:13

Cheeky mare. If she didn’t need it she should have given it away. Not sell something she’d been given for free.

staceyflack · 09/09/2022 13:14

She's probably really embarrassed. I would be 😳

Testina · 09/09/2022 13:22

From her point of view, she asked around, got more than she needed. Decided to make some money. The people that gave it to her couldn’t be bothered with selling it. She’s done nothing wrong.
Even if you’re someone who thinks you shouldn’t sell a gift because karma, it’s ridiculous for you to think she should mind read that you wanted them back!

Nekomata · 09/09/2022 13:43

I think you should have told her at the time that it was just a loan.

It's a bit cheeky to get huffy about something you have given away.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 09/09/2022 14:08

She overreacted but if you are ever giving something to someone with the intentions of asking for it back then you need to make that clear before you hand it over to them.

KatherineofGaunt · 09/09/2022 14:14

Unless you spelled out at the time you handed it over that it was a six-month loan and that you'd need it back for your other child, YABU. You give it away, you can't decide what happens next.

Tessasanderson · 09/09/2022 14:18

It doesnt really matter what your intentions were. She was a CF for trying to sell a uniform after being given a uniform for free (Regardless of if it was the same one).

She is just embarrassed at being called out and reacted badly. Let her stew on it.

girlmom21 · 09/09/2022 14:21

I agree with the others that you should have told her if you wanted it back. However her reaction is utterly bizarre.

AnyChanceOfRain · 09/09/2022 14:30

YANBU however always make it clear if you want something back.

I was given a gorgeous hand me down party dress for DD which I passed on when she grew out of it. Friend then asked for it back. I managed to but it was slightly embarrassing and thankfully I hadn't charity shopped it!

Definitely will be careful about accepting from that friend in future!

Flossie2shoes · 09/09/2022 14:34

She was selling uniform the evening after you gave yours to her. Of course she's a CF! Different if it was 6 months later, if you give something then you don't ask for it back, but this is different. She decided to try to profit out of the fact that people were helpful. The right thing to do would be for her to offer the spares for free to anyone else in need.

rnsaslkih · 09/09/2022 14:41

It completely depends on whether you told her at the outset that you needed it back in a few months for your younger dd.

AlviarinAesSedai · 09/09/2022 14:46

Did you tell her it was a loan? Otherwise once you give away it’s not yours anymore.

Cats23 · 09/09/2022 15:00

I had similar!
Lent my 'Jumparoo' to a relative but said I'd have it back (I was Pg with#2 at time)
Within a month, I spotted her trying to sell it on Facebook!
I messaged her directly and told her to return it and It was bloody cheeky of her to try selling it...
Her reply ' Well I thought you could buy new or buy this one back'
For another major reason, I havent spoke to her since!

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2022 15:01

That sounds rather rude. She should have only accepted one uniform. But you gave it rather than lent it so she is actually in the right.

katenutzs · 09/09/2022 15:02

She may have had a good result from people so decided to sell some off and money go in group funds

SnowDear · 09/09/2022 15:04

yabu to assume you could get it back in 6 months without telling her that!

DrFoxtrot · 09/09/2022 15:07

YANBU - regardless of whether you said you'd want them back or not at the outset, the fact you saw them for sale and then realised she didn't need them anymore means it was completely acceptable to ask for them back.