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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DH to contribute?

54 replies

isitalloveryet · 09/09/2022 10:32

Just returned from a lovely holiday - expensive activities based around the hobbies of DH and both DS, I ended up paying for a lot of expenses (£1600+) on my personal credit card. I tried to discuss this with DH who has said he can't contribute and I shouldn't expect him to pay half....

For info I work full time (always have done with no option to reduce) DH runs own business and works part time - this is his decision and he refuses to work full time hours so I can go part time, yes I earn more but I pay for other things too, kids are both well into teens so no childcare issues

AIBU expecting him to pay his way?

OP posts:
IrisVersicolor · 09/09/2022 15:46

isitalloveryet · 09/09/2022 14:12

Ok just to clarify we don't live above our means - I can afford to pay the bill and so can he. I was quite shocked that some comments automatically assumed this.

Some holidays I do pay for and I am clear that I will cover the cost as it's a holiday I want to do before the kids leave home (Florida etc) but I was clear for this holiday it was his preference and based around his (and the kids) interests

He makes me feel I am unreasonable to expect him to contribute to family holidays - basically expects me to pay for most things including household stuff too (and school uniforms etc)

I feel he should work full time - I always have and he has no reason not to other than he likes pt and can choose his own hours/jobs as he's self employed

Thanks for the support and comments

If he is doing all the domestic work, admin, bill paying, DIY, gardening, running the teens around etc - it’s still not equitable but at least he’s pulling some of his weight.

But if he’s not doing all of the above and he’s only working part time, and he has expensive hobbies he expects you to bankroll - he’s taking the piss and you need to sit him down and give him a reality check.

Namenic · 09/09/2022 15:49

Maybe get him to give you the cash upfront before you book a holiday with his preference of activity. Otherwise you pick a holiday that you can enjoy too? Even on his lower salary, it sounds like he can save up for a holiday with his activity once every 4/5years… or work full time and get it every 2 years or something?

the caveat is if he does the bulk of organizing and housework at home - in which case, you should probably contribute more than half as his work is benefitting you?

Paq · 09/09/2022 17:03

You've got yourself a cocklodger. I'd get legal and financial advice to protect yourself pronto.

user1471465748 · 12/09/2022 09:40

TELL him (don't discuss) you have decided to move to working part time and he now needs to step up. He has X months to get more work. Ber calm and assertive and point out very clearly he has had years of working part time so why on earth should'n't you get a chance to do the same.

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