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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to take my DS out of nursery after first day

30 replies

growingno3 · 07/09/2022 21:34

Backstory.... DS only just turned 3 in July he's been to a previous nursery but it was more of a play type then a uniform and learning formally type. Nursery never reported any issues other then delayed speech but his speech has come on a great deal over the last two months.

Today he started a more formal nursery and was super excited to go when he came out the teacher didn't even say hello to me just instantly said "we've had a rough afternoon he's been very naughty throwing rocks and wouldn't come and sit on the carpet when asked too. And what about his speech it's not very good is it"

I replied with oh I'm sorry he's never usually any bother he's normally really well behaved (which he is) and said his speech has really improved over the last few months

She then said oh well we will see if he settles it's the first day. In a very sarcy tone.

This whole conversation happened in front of all the other parents I wasn't pulled to one side or anything and it made me feel awful it wasn't the fact he's been naughty because obviously I should be told when he's been naughty and he should be told off for it but it was more the fact she sounded like she was judging me and was quite rude infront of everyone on his first day. We live in a small village where everyone knows everyone and I'm considered a young mum

I don't even want to take him back tomorrow he's such a lovely little boy and I don't feel like they are even going him a chance because of there first impressions of me.

He's still very young and is being compared to the four year olds he is in class with.

Was she in the wrong the way she went about it or AIBU?

OP posts:

nachoavocado · 07/09/2022 21:36

And what about his speech it's not very good is it that's an appalling thing to say infront of him. I would find somewhere else. Mine wouldn't even tell me if my child had had an accident in front of all the other kids.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 07/09/2022 21:36

Yes, and you should approach them about it.

Don't pull him out if he's happy there, give it time.

And don't just 'tell him off', talk to him in a way that this teacher should have spoken to you.

Screwcorona · 07/09/2022 21:37

Terrible attitude and unprofessional. I'd pull him out too

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/09/2022 21:41

Don’t pull him out, that would be disruptive, but talk to the nursery head. That member of staff was very unprofessional. Look around for an alternative while you see if it settles.

Magnanimouse · 07/09/2022 21:43

She's very rude to parents. Complain. Then look very closely about how she deals with the children ... that's the reason to pull him out, not how you as a parent are dealt with.

Darbs76 · 07/09/2022 21:44

I wouldn’t be happy with the way it was handled. But don’t be rash. Ask to speak to the teacher when your child isn’t around, I’d tell her you’d like to be pulled aside if there’s any issues. Which of course should be standard anyway

backwhiteandredallover · 07/09/2022 21:55

What an appalling way to speak about a child from a professional!

Is this in the UK? It just seems so far removed for a teacher to use the word 'naughty' and talk about his speech in that manner, especially in front of other parents.

I'd be looking at another setting to be perfectly honest, if she's like this in front of the parents it's not a good indication of how she behaves when parents aren't around.

PotatoHammock · 07/09/2022 21:55

If you have another option, just pull him out. My son loved the really little village nursery, then I tried him in the preschool class of the primary school and he absolutely hated it. We persevered for about 2 weeks, getting worse and worse, and it was particularly awful because we had to go right past his old nursery. Then one morning I just stopped at the village hall instead of carrying on to school, and that was that!

He settled back into the old nursery no bother at all. Then a year later he started in the reception class of the school, also no bother at all (and he's perfectly happy there now 4 years later).

I don't think there's too much point playing the long game with little kids. If you're able to make him happier right now then just do it.

Cherrysherbet · 07/09/2022 22:00

She was so unprofessional. Not acceptable at all.
Don't rush into anything. Make sure you speak to the person in charge about this tomorrow.

maybein2022 · 07/09/2022 22:01

I have worked in early years and if what you say (ie the exact words- ‘naughty’ and ‘his speech isn’t very good’, then that is totally unprofessional and unacceptable, especially in front of others parents and your son. Makes me really sad. Is she the nursery teacher or an assistant? Is it a nursery attached to a school? Definitely have a word with the teacher or whoever is in charge and make your concerns known.

User79853257976 · 07/09/2022 22:11

As much as some have said it’s disruptive to pull him out, I don’t think I’d be able to send mine back there.

Original poster

growingno3 · 07/09/2022 22:15

I was just made to feel really small is that makes sense just the manor she spoke to me. I really don't want to take him back but I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable and should give it a few days. I literally left and cried when I got home. I don't know how she can speak to people like that especially infront of other parents. She should of just pulled me to one side and I wouldn't of had a problem with it. It's a small nursery attached to the school but there's only two teachers and they are friends and have both worked there for years and years so I wouldn't even feel like I could put in a complaint

OP posts:

AceSpades54321 · 07/09/2022 22:17

Use your mama instincts. If you are not happy you should move him. If she’s rude to you, she’s probably rude to the children too.

PinkButtercups · 07/09/2022 22:24

My DS turned 3 in July and had his first session at nursery today. I also found that they say a lot in front of other parents and didn't really say how he got on/how is day was just that he didn't want to sit on the carpet for lunch and wanted to sit at the table (he always sits at a table at home) probably why!

I'll give it some more time but new to this so didn't know if it was just because it was his first day they didn't say much.

Also for parents who have children at nursery when did you get access to tapestry? They said about it at his home visit but not mentioned it since.

PinkButtercups · 07/09/2022 22:24

*his

georgarina · 07/09/2022 22:27

I wouldn't be happy with that at all. She'll harm his confidence.

SproutsAtChristmas · 07/09/2022 22:30

@growingno3 let him keep going and absolutely complain about this teacher.

Next time, challenge her on what she says. If she says he wouldn't listen, ask her to explain what she asked him to do, how she asked him, did she give him choices or use something that interests him to help him follow the instruction. Instead of letting her make you feel uncomfortable, tell her how to do her job better (in a polite way). E.g. "DS really likes trains, have you thought about using his interests to help him follow your instructions?"

If she mentions his speech again, challenge her and say, "what have you been doing today to help DS develop his speech? Are there any practices you want me to do with him at home to support you here at nursery?"

Put the ownership on her to help teach him and support him, not punish and ridicule him.

OldWivesTale · 07/09/2022 22:30

Pull him out. Trust your gut.

WulyJmpr · 07/09/2022 22:33

Yep trust your gut instincts. That's sounds likr a toxic environment. My nursery won't use the word naughty and would never criticise a fhil in front of the child or other parents.

ShedHead7 · 07/09/2022 22:37

That's really bad. What a horrible woman. Did your son enjoy his day? Was he his usual self tonight?

Beseen22 · 07/09/2022 22:41

Yes I would move him as soon as you find a place. DS is very chatty and can be annoying but is very bright and a lovely little boy. I took him to school nursery and got a really bad vibe from his key worker. She constantly complained about him chatting all day and when I asked why he wasn't speaking to the other kids she said that he was the only verbal English speaking child in his bubble. So he was just trying to talk to someone. I could see her rolling her eyes at him some days. When I got the other teachers they were all super enthusiastic and lovely to him. He spoke about all the other key workers but never spoke about her. It got to the point it was every single day she had something to say about him but it was the best school in the city so I didn't feel right moving him and I sadly started to think that maybe he was being annoying.

We moved city for work and on the very first day his key worker jumped out the room and had just as big of personality as he did. He spoke about her every day and absolutely loved nursery and would beg to go all weekend. It was night and day from his last experience and he got so much confidence in himself from there. They seemed to appreciate him being there and NEVER made me or him feel that he was a burden.

FWIW the horrible nursery teacher left because she got promoted to head of nursery!

Deidretheelf · 07/09/2022 22:46

Pull him out. If that’s how they behave to both of you on the first day, in front of other people, do you really feel confident how he will be treated when you’re not there. Sorry, but that sounds like behaviour that could damage his confidence and self esteem and it’s really not worth the risk. Can you get him in somewhere else easily? Do you need him at nursery for work?

(PS, my little boy had speech issues at 3, he’s top of his class now so try not to worry to much, but I know that’s hard).

Ki44 · 07/09/2022 22:58

Absolutely appallingly. At that age, everything should be about fun, building confidence, feeling secure, exploring and quietly, almost subconsciously learning ways and behaviours that will prepare him for school.

I can't even imagine a school teacher coming out on the first day and saying something like that.

Pull him out and complain!

SkiingIsHeaven · 07/09/2022 23:05

Maybe you should remind her ( in front of everyone) that she is the adult in control and she should be aware of how to deal with all children including the unruly ones.

Remind her that it was the child's first day and they need time to acclimatise.

She sounds like an unprofessional bitch.

Thistleinthenight · 07/09/2022 23:11

Pull him out. He can't be "happy there" after one day.

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