To not let 10yo dd go to the park without an adult?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

The park is massive. Easily 50acres if not more. Sectioned up into fields, wooded areas, a stream, a lake, various play areas and bowling greens etc.

A couple of girls in her class have been allowed since Easter to come along straight from school and stay til 7pm. Dd has asked numerous times (to the point where the asking alone is driving me mad) to be allowed.

The park has various incidents happen over the last year (we live in an area which has some wealth but a lot of deprivation and, within this all, some real pockets of high asb, low level crime etc. The park has not escaped this, and teens gather to drink (and presumably drugs) after 7pm. We recently had a flasher, and the little park keeper office was vandalised over the summer.

It's actually a really lovely park to spend time in during the day, but is basically a local hang out and area where bad behaviour occurs.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to allow unrestricted time at the park for dd. Its too much of an unknown. I'm happy for her to walk to/from school, walk to the library, the pool, friends houses etc. The parameters are safe - simple routes, known location, known people etc. If she came to the park she could go anywhere in it - water, woods, fields etc.

We have a small very open playpark down the street with basketball hoops and swings etc which does not have the risks this one does, is very visible no hiding places. I'd have no issues her going there. Similarly her friends can come to ours.

Yet the niggle is there because the other girls mums and I are friendly, and they all allow their dc to do this. Not that they are 100% happy with it but seem to adopt a "well I've started allowing it now so I have to continue".

Aibu? I go along the park and just sit and read on a bench while she plays (in sight) but I can't always do this as I have to work.

Either let her go or dont. Too embarrassing to have your mum sitting in a bench while you play.

Well that's what I thought when I offered but she was like "yeah that's fine!"

In our defence, I'm sat facing the big duck pond reading and she is in the playpark located behind me. So it's not like I'm helicopter parenting.

When I offered I seriously expected her to say "no way!" as that would have been my thought as a kid.

Would you let your 10yo come to this park unsupervised for hours at a time?

This is a really difficult one but would you allow her to go if she stuck with her friends? For me I think the 'alone' bit would be a problem but if she's one of three and they can be trusted to stay together I think I'd let her go.

The reason I say this is you want her on side (keeping safe with your encouragement) rather than straining at the leash.

I'm sure other people will feel differently though.

I'd let her go, but not 'til 7pm!

.. though it doesn't sound as if she's straining at the leash yet.

I'm happy for her to go places with her friends unsupervised. I have no issue her going to the pool, the library, cinema etc. It's the park. this Park.

Straight from school until 7pm??? That’s a very long time! No I Wouldn’t!

I agree, i think with pp.

With friends and home by 6.

Not a chance. The fact that other people are doing it has no bearing on it being a good idea. You could agree that you will teach her some self-defence skills (or send her to a class) and re-evaluate in a year.

I've told her it's not a forever no, just a no not at this age. The time will come, and hopefully it's gradual that she expands her "roaming".

I'd let her go alone, but not until 7pm. I think at 10yo, you need to start building this kind of independence - she'll be off to secondary in a year, after all.

A year from now she'll be at secondary school and very much the thing to hang out in parks it the street afterwards, so I'd let her now to start building up her streetwise skills a bit. Agree that 7 is a bit late though - why not say she should be back by 6?

She already has some independence. As above there are agreed places she can go herself, she'll drop post in the post box, nip to the shop for bread or sweets etc.

I think she needs more independence than that at 10yo, in all honesty.

She'll be expected to walk to/from school unattended in a year, and most secondary kids will go to the park or to activities without parents hanging around supervising.

She already gets herself to school and back every day and will continue that with no problems when she goes to secondary.

And she already does various activities without my supervision.

I'd say no. My friend said yes to a smaller park a similar distance when her daughter was roughly that age. Four years later daughter had a breakdown and it transpired she'd been raped multiple times at the park!

Not every kid will have that experience but children who are unaccompanied frequently in the same place will be spotted by assholes who are looking out for easy pickings.

I like your compromise.

I think the idea of agreeing, but insisting that she stays with her friends at all times, is a good one.

If you're not comfortable it's ok to say no. It sounds like she's not wrapped in cotton wool but the flasher and the anti social behaviour would put me off. Would you be willing to let her go there during a weekend day when more families are around? Less chance of the things you date worried about and she can spread her wings a little bit more.

Yes a weekend daytime would be a good compromise. We would likely be there with her younger sibling anyways so could always just leave her there with friends and have an agreed (daytime) time to meet back at home.

Jesus!

I’m reading this thread feeling a bit worried! I have a very soon to be 8 year old. I can’t imagine letting her do these things in 2 years! Does a lot change in that time?!

Their wants appear to change before they are really at the right age ime.

I’d be a no if anti social behaviour there. If she’s happy for you to sit on a bench reading then yes I’d do that

I wouldn’t agree with those timings. I’d say come home get changed, then you may go out with friends not alone back by 6pm latest.

honestly there’s nothing actually stopping her saying she’s going to the library and going to the park anyway is there? Does she have a mobile with tracker?