Does unequal income matter in a relationship

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Can a relationship work if there is a big disparity in income? Slightly hypothetical, because it’s not even “early days” 😂
I am a low wage earner, although I love my job, and support my family
Just been invited out for a drink by a customer, (nothing inappropriate in that) but he lives alone and is loaded. I’d like to go, he’s a lovely bloke, but I’m worried about how it would look. If we go to an expensive restaurant I probably wouldn’t even be able to split the bill. But I’d equally feel a cheap skate, if I only paid if we go somewhere cheap. So, it’s just got me thinking, can it ever work, (a one off is ok, but long term) if there’s a big disparity?

You're definitely overthinking.

It only matters if one of the people in the relationship has an approach to money that will cause tension.

If higher earner is happy to pay and lower earner will let them, they can have a nice lifestyle. If higher earner is frugal then lower earner can go 50/50.

If lower earner is uncomfortable or too proud, it will cause problems. If higher earner wants a lavish lifestyle but wants 50/50 it's an issue too.

Most relationships aren't 50/50 anyway and a good partner will value your overall contribution to the relationship, and treat your resources and lifestyle as something you own/build together.

Whoever earns the most money has the power in a relationship, but it's how they use that power that's important.

We regularly see posts from SAHM or low-earning women who can't leave abusive relationships because they are finally dependent on their spouse/partner.

Every woman owes it to herself to be financially independent.

It shouldn't be an issue initially. Whoever does the inviting, pays the bill, so you choose a venue or activity that suits your pocket
However, long term, I have found it to be an issue both ways. I've dated someone who earned much more than me and someone who earned much less.
The high earner got annoyed because the birthday present I bought his daughter was 'cheap' in his eyes, although all I had left at the end of the month.
The lower earner kept hinting things he wanted me to buy him, and announced after one Xmas that he was feeling hard done by because I hadn't bought him a v expensive watch which was far more than I spend on my whole family - silly money.

So I think differences in expectation can cause problems. Or maybe I just choose men badly. 🙂

Tbh, I can’t see this one going anywhere serious, it never does.
Just had me wondering about “ relationships in general”

There's a pretty big disparity in my relationship and it causes zero problems because all money is our money. The disparity wasn't there at the beginning of our relationship though so maybe that makes a difference.

The vast majority of long term relationships won’t have equal finances the entire time. It can often flip flop, so initial high earner can become low earner later on. It doesn’t matter really, it’s how you two handle it that makes or breaks the relationship.

It seems generally people think a man paying for most everything is okay but a woman paying for most everything and the man just along for the ride is not okay.

The lower income earner, like many on this thread, obviously support the higher earner financing their life as they are benefiting. If they were the higher earner supporting the boyfriend who makes little - then the responses wouldn't be so positive. Look at threads on here where boyfriends dont pay for much - suddenly, the disparity matters a lot.

It can work.
I was a non-earner (MH issues) and my DP was on £80k.
We had other things that connected us as a couple. Money was not it.

I think you’re overthinking it as it hasn’t even happened yet! Go for a drink somewhere you’ll be happy to pay half. If things develop and you’re both comfortable with each other then you can do ‘who arranges the date pays’. You can do some picnics, cook dinner at home etc, and if he wants to take you out to somewhere more expensive it’s up to him. I used to out earn my husband and we did similar when we were dating, we both felt comfortable and had some great dates - the cheaper ones were the more memorable actually. Now he out earns me (not by a huge amount), but we’re married now and everything goes into a joint account.

Take him to a nice pub for a drink and a bite, casually and in a light manner let him know half way through the date that you don’t do expensive restaurants as you have a child and can’t afford them. Have a fun date, it’s just a date (not a marriage proposal), you’re meant to have fun. Enjoy your date 👍

It’s one thing if you’re an established partnership with unequal finances because of promotions over the years / SAHPing or the like, but I wouldn’t choose to begin a financially unequal relationship personally. My motivation for earning well is that I like nice things; whilst I wouldn’t mind the occasional cheap date I don’t want to be spending my time in the Wetherspoons because my date can’t afford better, and I wouldn’t want to be subsidising them constantly at the start of a relationship, either, because it would erode my respect for them.

My dp and I have always taken it in turns to date plan and pay so we can buy things in our own budgets rather than each spend the same. He has always made more than me - every time I get a pay rise or promotion he gets a bigger one! E.g I might buy theatre tickets (cheap ones) and he pays for dinner. Usually his dates would be more expensive than mine but it was his choice. As we’ve started to combine our finances (getting married soon) we’ve worked out how to split expenses based on what I can contribute and he often chooses to upgrade us. I think if you are open to discussing it and neither of you are looking to take advantage of each other it can work.

In my previous dating experience, I always found the men with high salaries very generous with money and it didn’t seem to worry them at all even though I had a reasonable job. Just enjoy the date like you would any other and see what happens.

In my previous dating experience, I always found the men with high salaries very generous with money.

I suspect that’s because men, regardless of whether they’re wealthy or not, have always traditionally been expected to foot the bill when dating; and many women actively still expect to be able to keep their purses closed, so many men just see flashing the cash as normal. I’m sure if the sexes were reversed here and the OP were the wealthy one, the responses would be entirely different and she’d be being warned to watch out for this potential mooching cocklodger.