If you married well financially

[Shakeandvacthefreshnessisback]

Or stay due to being financially comfortable..how’s life? Did you make the right decision?

@SeaSwimming22 I agree with your definition. A husband earning 5 figures while the wife runs around after house and children and sacrifices certain things so she can be at home and not working isn’t marrying well financially to me.

I married very well financially but then so did he. He's my best friend and the one person in this world I happily spend my time with.

We could not be more different as personalities or professionals.
Me, Law.
DH, Tech.

We actually miss one another when we're apart. We respect one another and communicate well, example he needs a new laptop for work, he spoke with me before ordering anything, even though he didn't need to. Laptop was £4000.00

We've recently come into a lot of money, think several million and we have a very high joint 6 figure salary and investments.

If he suddenly became an arse or cheated on me, would I stay? Would I hell. He knows I'd leave in a heartbeat, no drama, I'd just be done.

I have had two long term partners who were good earners when I met them . The first lost his business through thinking he could spend all the profits and not pay taxes etc. Thankfully I had a house of my own and a decent job and we did not have joint finances but I ended up supporting him . He had people constantly chasing him
for money and eventually moved away .
The second one had a well paid job and we bought a house together. He had a history of depression and started drinking and lost his job . I kept him for years while he was sick/ unemployed but he did return to lower paid work. His income increased but he still expected me to pay for most things ! He was still drinking and became abusive so we left. Fortunately I had kept my house and was financially independent. I would settle for a nice man with a steady income not a feast or famine type life.

We are very content. We get on well. There's no drama. We each prioritise the family unit and family success above individual fulfilment, if you like. Neither of us are going to leave because someone we've met makes us feel warm and fuzzy.

We married with the usual expectations. I was disappointed when I realised it wasn't working as I'd hoped. There was the intention we'd sort it out later- when the kids weren't to all consuming, when work wasn't so pressured etc.

30 years later we are planning retirement, lovely adult kids, secure future.

I married well, financially speaking, but that wasn’t the reason I married him. I absolutely love him to bits, and if we suddenly became poverty stricken tomorrow, we would stick together always.

I admire and respect my dh’s work ethic, he has a brilliant brain and works incredibly hard. We just get each other and he’s my best friend. Being financially comfortable is a bonus, but it’s not why I’m here.

I need to clarify my earlier post. We were both skint but with potential when we married. Neither of us married for money, but we married people with the same drive for security.
We wouldn't abandon each other if there was a financial disaster. We'd be prioritising the success of the family unit still, dragging ourselves up out of it.

We wouldn't divorce because we'd both be worse off than staying together.

But if he earned so well, why in gods name were you doing all the housekeeping and gardening??

Looking for a life partner who can bring stability and good parenting skills to the table strikes me as a mature approach, especially if you already have children. Attraction is important but it isn’t the be all and end all.

I married for love but also ‘married well financially’, as it turned out. He had a good job when we met but his career really took off a few years into our marriage. We had hard times, like the vast majority of people in long term relationships but we’ve worked through them and love and mutual respect have kept us together.

Certainly did

Yes and life was great and even though he died quite early on (sudden heart attack at 51), he had a life insurance policy which allowed me to buy a house outright, and invest the equity from the sale of our (much bigger with huge mortgage) family home.
After my second child I became a sahm. He was extremely generous man and though I was never extravagant (we didn't have that much money as even though a very high earner he had an ex snd two other kids) he never questioned me.
Now 13 years down the line I have moved a few times, kept my kids in private education and live mortgage free. I can't afford a holiday abroad every year but we are comfortable.
I would not stay with a person just because of the lifestyle though - but I didn't marry til I was 40, had my own career until I had my second child and am quite independent. I can see how my friend, who married very young and went straight from family home to married home and has not had a career or 'skills' and is now over 60 would be scared of leaving.

But if he earned so well, why in gods name were you doing all the housekeeping and gardening??

Good question and tbh I don't have a good answer for that. The best I can give you is that my upbringing and childhood played a large part in it- Putting Myself First was NOT something I was encouraged to do. Guilt. The ability to be able to turn my hand to anything (decorating, DIY, cooking, whatever). Pride- I saw it as a failure if I couldn't get everything done. Gratitude, maybe.

And also that he had been brought up as a little princeling- they had a very privileged lifestyle. So he took it as his due.

You have to remember also that a great many people don't value the work that a SAHM does, because it doesn't earn money. And money is more important than anything else, to those people. So I would work harder and harder to 'earn' my keep. To prove, if you like, that I wasn't a drain, or useless, or valueless.

Same! Both DH and I very happy.

Op did YOU marry well?

It doesn't sound like a great life!

You should have employed a housekeeper/nanny and gardener and then it would have been! As it was you were an unpaid skivvy! NOT FUN

I know some people who have married well financially and they sound like no one on this thread. I think people are confusing reasonably comfortable with wealthy.
To me, marrying well financially would require at a minimum;

• All domestic chores outsourced. Gardener, housekeeper, cleaner, nanny, etc
• Zero money worries - ever
• Several luxury holidays a year
• A weekend or holiday home and/or a boat
• No need to work, ever. Probably volunteer with a charity or two.
• Plenty money to spend on things like a personal trainer, beauty treatments etc / buy what you want when you want with respect to clothes:shoes /expensive hobbies (like owning a few ponies)
• A posh car or two for each adult in the household
• a huge pension and investment fund to retire with and maintain the same standard of living
• A big posh house with land and/or a pool

it does not mean feeling grateful that you are slaving away in an unpaid domestic role at home. That is not marrying well financially no matter whether you choose/enjoy it.

@Festoonlights It was fun in that I never had to worry about a bill being left unpaid. Or not having to worry if he'd gambled away our mortgage money. I was very poor for a long time before I met him-even when I was working 3 jobs. So that financial stability was fantastic. And we did have some great holidays. He was very generous if he benefitted directly from it- so meals out, holidays etc. Strangely miserly if it came to any gifts that were just for me.

But hey ho. I have a LOT of fun with DP now 😁

I agree entirely with this ^

@Festoonlights @SeaSwimming22 agree with you both and very lucky to have that kind of life. Unfortunately not everyone likes how others live and I have another poster trying to make digs on another thread currently where a PP has asked for ideas on how to spend her day… ah well.

I don't stay because we are financially comfortable: I love my husband very much and we're lucky to have a solid relationship.

That said, if I got bored or thought I could be more satisfied within a relationship with somebody else etc, I wouldn't leave. I wouldn't risk this security for my own personal sexual, let's be honest satisfaction. I have DC, and there are, therefore, more important things to consider than my own feelings. IMO.

I married well financially, my in laws are significantly “posher” than me and my family. However, that had nothing to do with me getting married. I got married because I loved DP.

I married well financially. I love him dearly. DH also married well financially. He seems quite enamored with me as well.

Academically intelligent, high achievers tend to want similar partners so it is a common pairing.