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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh shouldn't use the lounge TV for Xbox

62 replies

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 19:10

Dh 35 is on his Xbox from the moment he gets home from work until bedtime.
We have a TV in the bedroom but he sits on the sofa and plays on the lounge TV.
I have my own interests out of the house gym/walking which don't interest him and likewise I've never been into Xbox games but that's his thing.

It would be nice to watch TV in the lounge sometimes especially in the evenings but I just entertain myself on my phone so I can at least sit with him.
Occasionally we watch a film or Tv together but it is rare and although we do things as a family at weekends then he'll spend the rest of the weekend on the Xbox.
He gets so into it and can get pretty angry with the game, he even took it holiday with us although he only played it for a couple of hours a day after the dc had gone to bed.

I didn't think it was unreasonable to ask him to play upstairs sometimes but he refuses saying I can watch TV up there and it's his way of unwinding after work.
The dc have TVs in their rooms too but the lounge is meant to be a family room surely?

OP posts:

LateAF · 07/09/2022 06:45

What time does your husband get home from work? And what time do your children go to bed?

Does he spend time with them before they are in bed?

If there is any overlap between when he comes home from work and when they go to bed, I would start a new activity of playing board games, puzzles or reading books with the children in the living room as a family before bed.

It sounds like screens dominate your household (kids watching TV separately/playing Switch alone in their bedrooms, husband playing games all evening), and there is very little non screen family time on a daily basis (I.e. having dinner together, going for a walk before bed together, playing board games). Not trying to judge as I know life gets busy and stressful, but that does not sound like a very healthy family dynamic. My focus would be on changing that asap. And use the lounge for any family indoor activity you decide to implement in the evenings.

Hyacinth2 · 07/09/2022 06:48

Day about - my DH said we will be lighting the stove more often rather than running heating. This would mean I have to listen to blaring programmes about Big Truck Rescue/ Fishing (in every sea in the world / Rebuilding a boat/ engine /classic car etcetc
I haven't informed DH yetbutitsgoing to be night about.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 07/09/2022 07:03

EbbyEbs · 06/09/2022 20:28

I’d be leaving divorce papers on top of his Xbox for when he gets home from work.

Ridiculous to put up with this behaviour.

Me too! And I'd get the kids away from him before they're the same.

Herejustforthisone · 07/09/2022 07:15

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 20:18

@Qwerkie he doesn't, he works and plays Xbox. I'm Sahm so I don't expect him to do housework.

Ah, ok. He has no respect for you and probably has the ‘my house, my rules’ mentality. He’d never do something because you’d asked probably.

Billybagpuss · 07/09/2022 07:18

Other option, get yourself a controller and insist on playing too (and be really shit at it, even if you’re not) the lounge is family space so you play together, if he wants to play alone he goes to an alone space.

LovinglifeAF · 07/09/2022 07:31

I’d switch it off when he’s in the middle of playing it and put my TV programmes on. He sounds like a dick. What’s he doing to look after these 2 very young children when you’re out in the evening ? Bugger all I guess.

Original poster

xboxtrouble · 07/09/2022 07:53

He usually gets home an hour and a half before they go to bed and we have dinner and then I bath them/he dries them and we both put them to bed at 7 and read a story to one child each.
Then he goes on his Xbox while I go out for a couple of hours back about 9 then bed 11/11:30 so that's when I would like to spend time watching TV but he's engrossed with Xbox.
Dc sit in the lounge when they are playing with toys or switches and watch TV before he's home or in their room's otherwise.
He's not a bad parent I just feel like all our evenings are him playing Xbox and me finding something else to do not particularly wanting to go and sit on the edge of the bed and watch TV when I could relax on the sofa.

OP posts:

Original poster

xboxtrouble · 07/09/2022 08:01

I wouldn't mind if it wasn't every night. I don't go out every single night for eg if I go for a walk/run I won't go if it's raining so haven't been for a couple of nights which is why it's getting to me now because if I'm in.

OP posts:

southlondonerhere · 07/09/2022 08:10

Why do 4 and 6 year olds need a tv in their room? (Although I don't agree with tv in bedrooms full stop) but, you're right, lounge is family space, also does he not get involved in cooking dinner? Where does he eat his dinner? At the table or on his lap playing games? Does he play with the kids?

Original poster

xboxtrouble · 07/09/2022 08:16

We all eat at the table but I prepare dinner for when he gets home so that the dc don't eat too late because he's not in until 5:30 which is when they are hungry but that's fine by me. I like to cook that's not an issue.

OP posts:

desperatehousewife21 · 07/09/2022 13:06

Tbh it sounds like your DH has no consideration for you.

have you actually spoken to him about it? Said you’d like to watch tv/ do something else together in the evening, especially the evenings you don’t go out.

Mumspair1 · 07/09/2022 13:31

You do realise your DC are going to go down the same path, do you. At 4 and 6 they already have a switch. I have a 6yo and feel he is still too young for getting into all that. My dh is a gamer but he has never in 15years put that ahead of family life. He plays when we are all gone to bed if he isn't too tired. If he's playing something and ds walks in, he immediately stops the game or turns it off as it's usually not age appropriate. If we are both in the living room at night, he would prefer to watch a movie with me than game. He loves gaming but it never takes over. I wouldn't put up with this. Your DC are watching him and you are going to have a battle on your hands.

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