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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh shouldn't use the lounge TV for Xbox

62 replies

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 19:10

Dh 35 is on his Xbox from the moment he gets home from work until bedtime.
We have a TV in the bedroom but he sits on the sofa and plays on the lounge TV.
I have my own interests out of the house gym/walking which don't interest him and likewise I've never been into Xbox games but that's his thing.

It would be nice to watch TV in the lounge sometimes especially in the evenings but I just entertain myself on my phone so I can at least sit with him.
Occasionally we watch a film or Tv together but it is rare and although we do things as a family at weekends then he'll spend the rest of the weekend on the Xbox.
He gets so into it and can get pretty angry with the game, he even took it holiday with us although he only played it for a couple of hours a day after the dc had gone to bed.

I didn't think it was unreasonable to ask him to play upstairs sometimes but he refuses saying I can watch TV up there and it's his way of unwinding after work.
The dc have TVs in their rooms too but the lounge is meant to be a family room surely?

OP posts:

Nidan2Sandan · 06/09/2022 20:03

We're a gaming family, we all play various consoles.

DH has his xbox in the lounge, and I dont mind him playing it but also I know he wouldnt be unreasonable with it. If I wanted to watch tv he would switch it off no problem. He doesnt lose his temper at it or get annoyed with people walking past.

I actually like watching tv in bed, moreso than downstairs. But I think your problem is he has checked out of family life totally and you are essentially house mates of an evening rather than relaxing together.

On a side note I hate the comments that men who play video games are somehow immature or "teenagers". There is no upper age limit on video games and enjoying them, they're no less valid a form of entertainment than watching tv is.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 06/09/2022 20:04

Presumably OP doesn't want to be confined to her bedroom EVERY night while her DP gets to dominate the living room.

Needmorelego · 06/09/2022 20:05

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea the OP says she is out for a couple of hours in the evenings ("at the gym") so I assume she has checked out of family life too?

Original poster

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 20:08

@Needmorelego the dc are in bed in the evening when I'd like to watch TV on a comfy sofa. You do unfortunately have to walk past the TV to get to the sofa.

OP posts:

Needmorelego · 06/09/2022 20:10

@xboxtrouble then I don't see the problem really. Surely your bed is just as comfortable.
Just go and watch your TV.

yetimum1 · 06/09/2022 20:13

My DP used to ‘check out’ and play his PlayStation most nights after work as this was his way of relaxing.

It did become a bit of an issue but we spoke about it as adults and agreed he would limit this to an hour or 2 a night or 2-3 nights a week. He needs time to unwind and engage in his hobbies as much as I do mine! We will watch TV together before bed or when he isn’t playing with his friends. It’s not a problem for us since we have agreed on a limited period of time. He will play when I’m at the gym in the evenings or when I have other things to get on with. He will also come off if I ask to watch tv or do something else. It’s all about finding the right balance. He is entitled to play just as much as you are entitled to watch TV. He also plays in the living room because we can still talk to each other whilst he plays!

I think you should speak to DH about how you are feeling and agree he can play for X hours a night (after kids are in bed or whatever) or X nights per week and the rest should be focused on family or quality time with you. Have you told him how you’re feeling OP? What does he say?

Qwerkie · 06/09/2022 20:14

If he’s on the Xbox from the minute he gets in from work till bed when’s he taking part in family life? Cooking, tidying, playing with the children, putting them to bed? M

Original poster

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 20:16

@yetimum1 I have told him but he says he can chat to me and game.

OP posts:

Original poster

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 20:18

@Qwerkie he doesn't, he works and plays Xbox. I'm Sahm so I don't expect him to do housework.

OP posts:

yetimum1 · 06/09/2022 20:21

Does he chat and game? Or focus on game. I think YABU to say it shouldn’t be in lounge BUT think he is BU to spend all his free time on it and ignore his partner and children.

Could you agree to an hour or 2 after children are in bed or 2-3 nights a week? Are you both interested in similar TV shows or films you could watch together on nights he isn’t playing?

Its a hard balance sometimes because it’s a (very typical male) way to relax and sometimes they don’t understand your need for quality time together, especially if he’s been working all day and uses gaming as a way of unwinding.

I completely understand how you’re feeling though. My DP was the same until I got through to him about how I was feeling.

Wife2b · 06/09/2022 20:26

Get another one in the bedroom and you can play together 😁

suzyscat · 06/09/2022 20:26

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 19:48

To be honest I'm out for a couple of hours in the evenings anyway while he plays but when I am in I would like to have the use of the TV.
He moans and tuts when anyone walks in front of the TV if he's playing.

Walking in front of a screen is annoying though. I think you need to reach a compromise. It's fair for you to watch TV upstairs sometimes, it's his lounge too. He definitely shouldn't be monopolising it though, and it sounds like it's dominating family life.

EbbyEbs · 06/09/2022 20:28

I’d be leaving divorce papers on top of his Xbox for when he gets home from work.

Ridiculous to put up with this behaviour.

Ahf22 · 06/09/2022 20:29

YANBU what a man child

AlwaysGinPlease · 06/09/2022 20:36

How unattractive!

grosgirl · 06/09/2022 20:38

What are the children doing while you’re out for a couple of hours and he’s playing on his console?

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2022 20:39

The kids are 4 and 6 and are in their bedrooms watching TV while this bloke is an the main TV? Nope. Also, what's he playing? Because if it's an older game I wouldn't want DC to see it.

I like games and so does DH but it doesn't interfere with family life!

MoveMore · 06/09/2022 20:40

So he doesn’t spend any time with his DC when he finishes work before they go to bed? What time does he get in? My DH is in half an hour before bedtimes but spends that with them and does bedtime. I’d be really annoyed if he came in and went on Xbox (or any hobby) and ignored his children.

There is nothing wrong as such with gaming as his relaxing time but he’s taking the piss. It shouldn’t mean checking out of family time. I’d agree two nights for him to use in living room but only after spending time worth DC. Other nights together or bedroom. Obviously if you are out and DC asleep then doesn’t matter if he uses then but not if you are home.

Iamblossom · 06/09/2022 20:43

I'm not sure how helpful this is, but one day when you are in a relationship that is respectful and formed of two grown ups that understand compromise and boundaries and not being a selfish entitled twat you wil realise quite how ridiculous your current set up is.

desperatehousewife21 · 06/09/2022 20:44

My DH is a gamer and is 36. The Xbox / ps is in the front room BUT he only plays it for a few hours at the weekend and one weekday evening with his mates online and only once the DCs are in bed. Other nights we watch tv together or sometimes game together.

If he wants to play it for an additional evening he’ll always run it by me first.

It sounds like a compromise is needed if you’re not happy with how much he’s gaming, the decider is how much he’s willing to compromise though.

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/09/2022 20:57

xboxtrouble · 06/09/2022 20:18

@Qwerkie he doesn't, he works and plays Xbox. I'm Sahm so I don't expect him to do housework.

Housework is work.
Looking after the children is work.
Managing the household admin is work.

So he works his shift and needs alone time all evening? Meanwhile you have sole responsibility for the kids and the house 24/7?

Why have you devalued yourself like this? Did your husband make you feel like your contribution to family is not as valuable or worthy of time off to unwind?

Qwerkie · 07/09/2022 06:08

Ok he works and games - when does he do anything with or for the DC? That’s not work that’s called being a dad

oopsfellover · 07/09/2022 06:25

Sounds pretty shit to me, especially if you can’t find compromise. I wouldn’t want to spend any part of an evening sitting in a bedroom.

oviraptor21 · 07/09/2022 06:26

Get another screen and put it in the lounge. No reason why you should be cooped up in the bedroom. Probably easier to get one for the XBox but if manchild resists then a TV for you. I presume you don't have any other rooms he can game in as I wouldn't suggest gaming in the bedroom either.
Doing either (gaming or watching TV) from the bed is really not good for long term back health even without the squirreling yourself away.

Justleaveitblankthen · 07/09/2022 06:33

So when you are out for the couple of hours in the evening, is he 'looking after' his children during his gaming?

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