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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you'd deal with this neighbour from now on?

44 replies

Neighbourissue3 · 06/09/2022 00:45

This happened a few days ago.

I usually walk my dog in the morning between 6 and 8.

I never see this neighbour at that time, she lives a few doors up from me but I do know who she is, I've seen her at other times sitting in her front garden.

She questioned 'if I even lived on this avenue' a while back when I asked her to please move her car as it was blocking my exit from the avenue. I just replied that yes I did, and I know she questioned another neighbour about this as she seemed to not beleive me. Nothing negative from her since.

Anyway I was walking my dog the other morning and neighbour appeared outside of her house as I walked past and called to me to 'remember to pick my dog sh1t up next time'.

I stopped and turned and said that I always picked up (which is 100% true).

She argued with me, said she'd got me on CCTV and that it was at 13:30 (didn't specify a day).

It was 2 minute exchange that went something like;

'I always pick up after my dog'

'What you lying for!? You're meant to be a respectable lady!! I've got it on CCTV so you can't try lying, do you want to see it?!' (I declined, did not want to go into her house, and I know It's not true, plus she has a large dog and my dog would have likely got into an altercation with it had I gone up to her).

'It was you and X and your two dogs and neither of you picked up!!'

I asked her to stop shouting at some point in the midst of this and she continued. In the end I told her I wasn't shouting in the street, and walked away.

'X' is a friend of mine who, at this point I hadn't walked dog with for at least a week. It seems odd that neighbour wouldn't have mentioned this before a week had passed, if indeed it were true, which it absolutely isn't. Plus, friend has two dogs, we'd always have all 3 of them when we walk together. Not two.

My dog also doesn't ever, ever poo in our street, for me to pick up-she always waits until we're on grass. The whole scenario makes no sense.

Why would someone make this up?!

Or perhaps has she just got her wires completely crossed and truly believes it was me she saw? There is always a smell of cannabis from her house-and I am not someone who's particularly bothered about people doing that, but could it make her perhaps paranoid and/or think irrational things about things like this?

I am not sure how to approach her now. I am likely to see her again. She's not been out at that time of a morning before but I often see her in her garden if I walk past later on in the day. I don't want to avoid it in case she's saying this purely to try to intimidate me, and avoiding her may make her feel she's 'won'?

I don't know. I am not the best at this sort of thing.

OP posts:
blockpavingismynightmare · 06/09/2022 00:47

The best way to deal with people like this is to avoid and ignore and do not get into conversation at all

OnceaTwigletalwaysaTwiglet · 06/09/2022 00:49

blockpavingismynightmare · 06/09/2022 00:47

The best way to deal with people like this is to avoid and ignore and do not get into conversation at all

This. Don't fan the drama

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 00:49

I wouldn't give her another thought and I wouldn't ever again stop and engage in a pointless conversation with her either. She's mistaken, she doesn't have you on video, and that's the end of it. She sounds a bit unhinged. Ignore and keep walking.

Isaidnoalready · 06/09/2022 00:50

Large headphones and walk past

They will either pick another target or escalate

Loocheeyar · 06/09/2022 00:52

Maybe the dog was doing a wee ? And looked like it was doing a poo?

AlwaysLatte · 06/09/2022 00:53

Just ignore her. Sadly she's batty.

HarrietSchulenberg · 06/09/2022 00:56

On the one hand, I agree with the don't feed the drama line. But on the other hand I'd be inclined to tell her to send the footage to the council if she's so certain. She obviously hasn't got it if it didn't happen.
On the other other hand (assuming that you have three), I'd tell her you can smell the weed she's been smoking and tell how disappointed you are as you thought she was also a respectable lady. Then saunter away and leave her stewing.
But ignoring her is probably best.

Neighbourissue3 · 06/09/2022 01:01

Thank you all. I won't stop walking past her house. I'll continue and if she starts saying anything to me about it again I'll probably just smile and walk away.

If she starts pleasant conversation, I'll do the same.

Such a weird encounter! I questioned myself for a couple of seconds before realising this had never, ever happened!

OP posts:
Neighbourissue3 · 06/09/2022 01:02

HarrietSchulenberg · 06/09/2022 00:56

On the one hand, I agree with the don't feed the drama line. But on the other hand I'd be inclined to tell her to send the footage to the council if she's so certain. She obviously hasn't got it if it didn't happen.
On the other other hand (assuming that you have three), I'd tell her you can smell the weed she's been smoking and tell how disappointed you are as you thought she was also a respectable lady. Then saunter away and leave her stewing.
But ignoring her is probably best.

Oh god, I'd be so proud of myself if I had managed to say that! Grin

I did consider asking her something like (if she brings it up again) what she would do if someone she didn't know, let their dog foul the street and if she said tell the police/council, say 'do that then'. But ignore seems the general consensus.

OP posts:
anon12345anon · 06/09/2022 01:02

Don't doubt yourself.
Unfortunately,the older I get, the more I am realising that there are some absolute arseholes in this world.

I don't do drugs, and tbh I don't care if other people do, particularly cannabis, but if she wants to put it out there, maybe mention it next time she gobs off.

Actually, that's probably rubbish advice, but I feel your pain 🙄- this sort of aibu makes me appreciate my neighbours.....

Neighbourissue3 · 06/09/2022 01:03

Loocheeyar · 06/09/2022 00:52

Maybe the dog was doing a wee ? And looked like it was doing a poo?

Not impossible I guess. She never said what happened to said (imaginary) poo, perhaps more normal to have said 'AND I had to clean it up!' or such if making up this sort of scenario? But she didn't.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 06/09/2022 01:22

AlwaysLatte · 06/09/2022 00:53

Just ignore her. Sadly she's batty.

This. She's just looking for attention. Ignore her.

MyMumSaysALot · 06/09/2022 01:23

The next time you walk by and she starts to go off, mimic smoking a joint and keep walking. Go on and hold your fingers up to your mouth and inhale deeply.
And smirk if you’re brave. But don’t say a word.

milkyaqua · 06/09/2022 02:01

I always try to remember: there's no straight talk with crazy people.

I think it's a quote from The Gift of Fear.

Carlycat · 06/09/2022 02:10

MyMumSaysALot · 06/09/2022 01:23

The next time you walk by and she starts to go off, mimic smoking a joint and keep walking. Go on and hold your fingers up to your mouth and inhale deeply.
And smirk if you’re brave. But don’t say a word.

Brilliant! 👏

Neighbourissue3 · 06/09/2022 02:37

MyMumSaysALot · 06/09/2022 01:23

The next time you walk by and she starts to go off, mimic smoking a joint and keep walking. Go on and hold your fingers up to your mouth and inhale deeply.
And smirk if you’re brave. But don’t say a word.

Grin I might see if I can find something that looks like one, for this very purpose!

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 06/09/2022 04:19

Ignore her. I would also be tempted to make a police report and say you think she might be dealing (they won’t be bothered with just smoking) but that probably belongs on the “petty things” thread 😁

HoppingPavlova · 06/09/2022 05:33

Why would someone make this up?!

Because she is batshit. Just ignore her. Don’t interact as it will just egg her on with the drama.

Sally99 · 06/09/2022 05:38

Ignore her completely

Fleetheart · 06/09/2022 05:42

she’s a crazy lady; there are a lot
about. if she is smoking cannabis then it is likely to make her very paranoid. so
yes ignore and/ or smile nicely

ChagSameachDoreen · 06/09/2022 06:02

"Maybe she has dementia!"

CourtneeLuv · 06/09/2022 06:07

I'd ask to see the video. Prove its not you and put an end to it.

Scepticalwotsits · 06/09/2022 06:14

Never argue with stupid, they drag you down to their level and beat you on experience.

my advise ignore her.

if you want to fan the flames send a cease and sexist harassment letter, and be prepared to follow it up with one from a lawyer

Imissmoominmama · 06/09/2022 06:23

I could absolutely imagine my friend’s sister as the antagonist in this scenario.

She’s a pothead too 🤔.

Neighbourissue3 · 06/09/2022 06:36

@MintJulia the looking for attention thing does ring true a bit given the little I've seen of her.

@HoppingPavlova (Love that username!) I guess that's the only reasonable explanation! I just could not fathom why someone would say something just completely untrue for the sake of it!

@CourtneeLuv she cannot possibly have footage of me and my friend-I am now thinking why did she want me in her house, a more sinister reason maybe It's me who's paranoid

@Scepticalwotsits a Cease And Sexist Harassment letter Grin maybe if anything else happens I will.

@Imissmoominmama Really?! Why-do tell. As well as a bit worried about what may occur next, I am sort of morbidly fascinated with this-I mean in the sense of, what goes through someone's head to think 'Hmm, I know what I'll do today, I'll get up early to catch neighbour and accuse her of something just
because well why not...'..

OP posts: