To ask how you'd deal with this neighbour from now on?

[Neighbourissue3]

This happened a few days ago.

I usually walk my dog in the morning between 6 and 8.

I never see this neighbour at that time, she lives a few doors up from me but I do know who she is, I've seen her at other times sitting in her front garden.

She questioned 'if I even lived on this avenue' a while back when I asked her to please move her car as it was blocking my exit from the avenue. I just replied that yes I did, and I know she questioned another neighbour about this as she seemed to not beleive me. Nothing negative from her since.

Anyway I was walking my dog the other morning and neighbour appeared outside of her house as I walked past and called to me to 'remember to pick my dog sh1t up next time'.

I stopped and turned and said that I always picked up (which is 100% true).

She argued with me, said she'd got me on CCTV and that it was at 13:30 (didn't specify a day).

It was 2 minute exchange that went something like;

'I always pick up after my dog'

'What you lying for!? You're meant to be a respectable lady!! I've got it on CCTV so you can't try lying, do you want to see it?!' (I declined, did not want to go into her house, and I know It's not true, plus she has a large dog and my dog would have likely got into an altercation with it had I gone up to her).

'It was you and X and your two dogs and neither of you picked up!!'

I asked her to stop shouting at some point in the midst of this and she continued. In the end I told her I wasn't shouting in the street, and walked away.

'X' is a friend of mine who, at this point I hadn't walked dog with for at least a week. It seems odd that neighbour wouldn't have mentioned this before a week had passed, if indeed it were true, which it absolutely isn't. Plus, friend has two dogs, we'd always have all 3 of them when we walk together. Not two.

My dog also doesn't ever, ever poo in our street, for me to pick up-she always waits until we're on grass. The whole scenario makes no sense.

Why would someone make this up?!

Or perhaps has she just got her wires completely crossed and truly believes it was me she saw? There is always a smell of cannabis from her house-and I am not someone who's particularly bothered about people doing that, but could it make her perhaps paranoid and/or think irrational things about things like this?

I am not sure how to approach her now. I am likely to see her again. She's not been out at that time of a morning before but I often see her in her garden if I walk past later on in the day. I don't want to avoid it in case she's saying this purely to try to intimidate me, and avoiding her may make her feel she's 'won'?

I don't know. I am not the best at this sort of thing.

How old is the neighbour?

@ZekeZeke I'm really not sure! Not very old. 30s/40s perhaps..

@Neighbourissue3 - she seems to spend her life shouting at people for imagined slights. She also posts about them on fb, and when you look at the comments on her posts, they’re all written by her too.

Weed does strange things to the brain.

"That's a shame someone left some mess but it wasn't me. You should put the footage on local Facebook to see if someone recognises the culprits." is what came to mind. Agree about friendly smiles thereafter. You've nothing to feel bad about.

I had someone go mental at me when the dog I was walking sniffed for 5 seconds under their hedge (only the dog's head got under there). I now reckon they were convinced the dog was having a dump. People are paranoid about dog muck.

Imo, she's feeling defensive because you've asked her to move her car so she's projecting on to you. It's very common in my local area. For example, someone's older child bullying younger children. Approaching the parents like a rational person results in the bully being encouraged to be a nuisance, by the parents, as a point of 'you're not telling us what to do'. Some people were just never raised right and lack social skills. 100% just ignore as she likely has all the time in the world to sit and obsess about ways to 'get you back'.

I used to live beside someone similar. She was someone who felt perpetually hard done by by life and thought everyone was horrible to her when in fact she went round creating drama and imagining slights. She had a thing against my dog and would make up complaints. For example, she complained about him barking at home (he wasn’t a barker) and when asked for times, gave a few when neither myself or the dog were at home. Eventually she pushed me too far and I was very clear that I would not tolerate her nonsense any more. So from then on she would turn her back on me and time I walked past. Which was obviously meant to put me in my place, but which I saw as a win.

@PassthePringles This is what jumped out at me too. She's a stoner with a grudge. 😵‍💫

Never argue with stupid, they drag you down to their level and beat you on experience.

Reminds me also of the one about not wrestling with a pig in mud - as you'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it!

I'd be very tempted to call out a nonchalant, matter-of-fact "Well that didn't happen!" like when Jay in The Inbetweeners comes out with one of his tall tales!

Kill her with kindness: When you see her, smile, wave, brandish your doggy do do bag in the air and shout out, 'I'm ready to pick up' or 'I've just picked up' and then a big laugh. See it as an an audition for a part and be prepared to repeat the performance every time.

Eventually she won't bother you at all.

I've only just realised what a 'cease and sexist harassment letter' was meant to read. Is that like "Dear Madam, just get back into the kitchen, won't you now, love" ?

Has she actually got cctv on her house? Does it cover the pavement? Are you allowed to do that??!

She sounds batshit. Smile, nod, move on.

Why would someone make this up?!
Mental health issues
Drugs issues
Personality issues
Genuinely mistaken

Yup I'd just go with "how's the paranoia going?" While miming the spliff smoking.

Her CCTV shouldn't cover public property anyway. But you should have asked her to email you a copy of the footage.

Incidentally, for a fee (max £10) you can demand a copy of all the CCTV footage she has that features you in it. Will waste her time if nothing else.

Can you go down the street in the other direction to your dog's preferred toilet area?
Pick up your dog's poo as per usual.
When she starts kicking off on your return say "Actually I have Fluffys shit here. Would you like it?"

@Imissmoominmama that is so odd. Yes it must! I 'dabbled' while at uni but wasn't keen, glad I wasn't!

@ijkk I WISH I'd have thought of saying that!
I will just smile and be 'normal' when I next encounter her.
Yes people are-I understand why to an extent, It's everywhere-I guess it was perhaps the easiest thing she could think up, given she usually sees me while dog-walking.

@PassThePringles possibly, but it was so long ago and I have had friendly exchanges with her since, plus another weird encounter but not a negative one.
I understand that about parents-we can't expect people to behave rationally really can we, or like we would in any given situation.

@sonjadog jadog what did you say?
I'd definitely see that as a win, too!

Some other things she could have against me include sexuality (I'm gay) and the fact I am a landlord perhaps (someone else told her this).

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll built love both those quotes and yes, cease and sexist- Now stop that dear and go make me a sandwich!

There do seem to be some women who cannot resist trying to police what they see as their territory. Its a form of attempted bullying (I'm sure men do it too but for some reason these women seem to try it with me).

The best way is to pre-empt them slightly by having some stock phrases at hand and saying it in a strident, ridiculing tone. e.g.

"Don't be so ridiculous"

"Why on earth would you want to know that?"

"You will need to learn to behave yourself in public places"

And stride on past. Don't engage beyond that. tbh some of these types behave more similarly to juvenile delinquents than adults.

give her the thumbs up which really means a polite way of flipping the middle finger. Don't speak to her, let her shout to fresh air if she wants and walk away. You cant argue with stupid people.

@bloodyunicorns yes unfortunately I think you are, as long as you're willing to let others see it and have clear signs up to indicate you have it (which she hasn't) I doubt she's got it to be honest.

@carefullycourageous yes all of the above perhaps

@Dotjones s good to know, thank you!

@AchatAVendre that's a very good point. Like 'how dare you be on the stretch of ground outside my house! I'll make life difficult for you now!'

I just honestly find it so so weird.

Thanks, good phrases to use.

@DWMoosmum I love that, a thumbs up is so passive aggressive in such a situation isn't it! While a nice one in others.