To be struggling to survive on 65k household income

[Soddinghell]

By the time we have paid mortgage, phone bills, bills car insurance, kids activities etc we barely have anything left. I don’t know what’s going on. DH earns 50k and I earn 15k part time. Please somebody help me I am thinking of going full time to stay afloat, I don’t know where we are going wrong, we are not in London or an expensive area, just outside manchester and people keep telling us we should be fine. We are not though!

You said it yourself, you have no mortgage, which is obviously likely to be the largest chunk of the OP's outgoings.

Presumably you're also not paying significant fees per month for childcare and children's activities as well, so you are in a completely different situation to the OP, how can you judge and call them ridiculous?

OP, I know you've probably run away from this thread but if you see it

I recommend a spreadsheet as PP have said. But also I just switched to Starling Bank and the app is so insightful. I've just been made redundant so keeping an eye on everything and it's actually scary how much just gets frittered away.

My household gets around 20k altogether so not alot. There's me and my grown up son I have 4 dogs and I have rent to pay etc. Not on any benefits. I manage fine although will become harder with the fuel bills going up etc. Luckily no nursery fees or Childcare fees which are high. I don't get anything on credit and only buy what I can afford but getting by fine for now.

You are not alone in this. There will be people earning more and some less who will feel they are in the situation.

If you go full time given a few months and you’ll be back to feeling you are only just surviving - and have less ‘free’ time.

A lot is what you make of life. No big instant changes but have a gentle review.

I don’t think you gave concrete examples of where your money is actually going but…..
Aldi rather than Sainsbury’s
A day out up Rivington rather than Alton Towers.
s/h Focus rather than a new 3 on PCP.
Cook from fresh rather than ping meals.
Council bath membership rather than David Lloyd
An all singing all dancing summer holiday isn’t always necessary.
Shoe zone rather than Clarks.
Perhaps put some money away before its spent?

Apologies for being over prescriptive.

Looking back our most relaxed time was 3 younger children, 1 moderate teachers’ wage, 1 sahm, 1 new mortgage.

Most frantic time, 10 years on. 3 older children, 2 much better wages, little time at home, 1 new + bigger mortgage.

But we didn’t know this at the time. And what works for some doesn’t always for others.

You have the audacity to call the OP 'ridiculous' @HairyMothballs yet you have £27 K ( which is the pretty close to the mean salary in the UK) and you have no mortage.

You get £4300pa in benefits - which is worth almost £6K if someone was paying basic rate tax.

So your partner earns around £20K in their early 60s.

Well, for a start he/ she is a low earner, so that's no one's fault but theirs.

Sorry but she's not the one being ridiculous. On £27K with no mortgage and no dependents you are comfortably off.

I think people will be offended by your post who are less fortunate.
Cut cloth according
High earner, look at cutting back nails ,mobile phone, hobbies, shopping ,eating out ,takeaways and takeaway coffees, time you and husband sat down and were honest about what your spending, and where, then do a budget.
A lot of us earn a lot less and manage ok ish.

So you're situation is completely different? Which is absolutely not relevant to the thread at all. You have no childcare and no mortgage. 2 of the biggest outgoings. You also get money from the government for you.

Threads like these crack me up when some posters don't realise everyone's outgoings are different. Just because they're struggling now doesn't mean they overstretched themselves before. If it meant they overstretched themselves, it means that everyone who is now struggling due to inflation did too, regardless of the wage. Some posters jealously shines through in the posts they make.

OK OP I'm disabled and on benefits so I did think WTF, but I can see you are genuine.

I agree with everyone else about using a spread sheet or budget sheet - write EVERYTHING down.

What debts do you have? Look at those first, if you are not paying credit cards off in full then start there. Look at balance transfers for credit cards with 0% interest rates and swap. Do not take credit cards out with you Either take cash or open another bank account with a debit card and only put £10 into it, you should not need more for day to day.

Next what does it cost you to work, both you and your partner? Do you get a coffee on the way to work? Do you buy lunch? How fast do you drive?

There are cuts to be made, if you normally call in at costa it might be worth buying a pod coffee machine and a Contigo container - yes that's an outlay but it will pay for itself.

Your shopping

Are you buying ready meals? Convenience foods? Can you buy more fresh and cook? Do you make spontaneous purchases? Stop doing that, it can work out cheaper to shop online because you are not tempted with a new cereal or a T shirt that catches your eye.

Meal plan - my plan has slots for daily meals and then I check what I have in the cupboards / freezer and only list what I need to buy.

How old are your children? Get them involved with cooking.

Do the kids have contract phones? They don't need them unless you a have a really good deal. I have unlimited calls and texts with more data than I could ever use for £3.30 a month (it's just gone up from £3) it's actually a £35 per month sim only deal but I have discounts because of being a customer for a few year.

Look at all contracts, Netflix? Sky? Phones? see if you can get a better deal.

Look at the children's activities, I noticed you said nursery so I'm assuming they are primary and below. Once a child has learned to swim do they need to continue swimming or would a family outing to the pool do to keep up?

Change light bulbs to LED ones, they save a lot of money and you can also get motion detected lights, ideal for the bathroom and hall if people forget.

Do you eat out? Have a look at where you eat and if it is good value and could you cook the same at home?

Finally join a cash back site and get in to the habit of using it for every online purchase.

People ought to do that unless they're millionaires. It isn't rocket science.

Or vote in politicians that will vote in a living wage for everyone and stop trying to drag everyone down to the same level. It isn't a race to the bottom. Some people take martyrdom to the extreme.

I see regular people turn on each other whilst those who make policy or are truly wealthy just carry on as normal unaffected. It’s why we remain a tiered society and why socialism never truly works.

What I have learned in my 52 years is that whatever they earn, some people are not looking closely at what they are spending. I know people earning 200K who profess to be broke. My household has a pretty decent income, with no mortgage, but I haven't lost the fear in my stomach of when I was broke. I watch what I spend, but have ramped up the frugalness recently.

It is very different today, than it was when I was younger. It is quite normal to go into supermarkets 4 or more times a week and top up, buy a coffee and cake every day, loads of takeaways, direct debits for stuff we don't do, and buy fast fashion and homeware.

Think of your household net income as a tyre with loads of holes in it, leaking air. You need to plug those holes. Shop in a cheaper place (Aldi and Lidl), don't buy coffees, takeaways, lunches out and about. Do your DC need so many things? Cut it back. Sell things you don't need. Look at your mortgage and bills. Can you renegotiate them, change suppliers. Do you need 2 cars? Look at electricity, water and other bills. Look at your food wastage and minimise it.

Unfortunately many of us have to go back to basics and look at what we are spending. I have lived in other countries and the UK is very, very expensive to live in. We are hammered left right and centre. We live in a consumer driven society and are constantly bombarded with information to make us spend, and we do. Not many people save.

Look at everything you are spending. I think those shows are great where they go in and look at all your stuff or food then show you how much you are wasting. You need to stop spending for a few weeks and see where the money is going. I am from the NW like you, and that is an alright amount of money.

It's impossible to judge anything from 1 post by the OP.

She may have a massive mortgage. This is the quickest way to get into financial trouble because people over-stretch themselves, not anticipating a change in circumstances such as interest rate hikes, fuel increases, cost of living rises.

Ummm, does come across as a bit humble bragging tbh.

What clubs are the kids doing?

Where does she say she has her nails done or any of the things you assume?

You are making stuff up @Barney60

Just because the OP has an income others who are struggling would love to have, doesn't mean she can't ask for help managing her finances.

OP, there are people willing to help you, more info needed

I have’t read all 13 pages but here are some words of wisdom from a woman who has been at both ends of the financial spectrum.

It may be cheaper to give up work. If you are on £15k and nursery is £600 a month, it may be cost effective to stay at home. I remember reading The Tightwad Gazette many years ago and it charted the cost of work from petrol, lunches, clothing, more preprepared food, less bargain shopping and homecooked meals etc and the hourly rate was below the minimum wage once these had been factored in.
Could you downsize, relocate to somewhere where you could be mortgage free or have a tiny mortgage?
It is helpful to write down everything you spend and go through and see what needs taking out. When we were really really hard up we cut back to the minimum, it was tough but we got through. No more takeaway coffee, sandwich deals, popping to shops.
Children are resilient, if you explain you cannot afford it they will understand in the end. Take them shopping, involve them in cooking, gardening, foraging etc. Make it a game.
Charity shops are fab for nearly new toys, books etc. Buy cheap, use your freezer, meal plan, sell anything you do not need. Watch Dave Ramsey on YT. Join the forums on MoneySaving Expert. Learn from the experts.

We rarely eat out, buy a naan bread instead of eating takeaway curry and cook it from scratch - shop in the ethnic aisle. I could make naan, but time is more limited.

Always take picnic for days out

I grow lettuce and herbs as salad leaves are expensive and herbs help with flavour

eat veggie half the week, buy chicken thighs not breasts when we eat chicken

No real branded items in shopping.

Review and cancel subscriptions

I only buy clothes we need

Never have my nails done

I run and don’t belong to a gym (£10 a year club subs)

No phone contracts, £10 giff gaff and only replaced phones when upgrades of IT stopped. Refurbed batteries

Have mobile hairdresser

Never buy coffee out, always have a water bottle.

Use bar soap not liquid.

We have throws on the sofa in winter, you’ll need a jumper too, it’s winter for goodness sake not T-shirt weather.

only replaced our 21 year old car recently.

To me this is ‘normal’ and I don’t even think of it as penny pinching. It’s not only people that are on tough times that budget, our income is pretty hefty.

I'm laughing at the posters saying they are high earners.

£65Kpa is the same as 2 full time earners on £32K ish.

That's the low salary of teachers, nurses, some PAs, admin staff in local government, etc.

Most graduates now start on £26K+

People on these threads who say they only earn £x are unqualified and in low skilled/ no skilled jobs. Funny how they have so much time to waste online on forums, rather than looking for better paid work, or training for something paying more.

OP I don't know if you are still reading the thread but this tool is really good for breaking down your expenditure to see where it's all going and where you could save. www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/everyday-money/budgeting/budget-planner

@Weirdlynormal You forgot to add your hair shirt to your list 😂

We earn £120k. I have two kids in nursery and live in London worth a high but not ridiculous mortgage ( we purposefully didn't max out). I have nothing left at the end of the month. Childcare takes it all.

How so?

You need to look up the term skill. Also most nurses are not on 32k even.

Nurses take home less unless they are specialists and have a band 6 or something. There's plenty of people with degrees and have excellent skills but just don't earn a salary reflecting that. Have a think before you starting casting people as unskilled which is very rude.

This is very true.

You're earning a similar amount to us and we don't have much left at the end of the month but I consider us lucky.
How much is your mortgage? Could you cut down on food costs, kids activities etc?