Grandparents aren't bothered.

[Grimed]

AIBU to feel angry at my parents for not wanting to spend time with my children. Sometimes I feel like I need to just get over myself and accept them for who they are and just think of it as their loss but every few years I just get so angry about it, I mean they are great kids! They will be adults soon and they barely know them, see them a couple times a year, never ask after them, no video calls or phonecalls show no interest whatsoever. How can I move past this? I realise no one asks to be a grandparents and maybe I'm the unreasonable one. I just want know how to make peace with it really.

I'm in the minority, but I will probably be this type of GP if my DD decides to have kids. I don't like kids and the thought of having to entertain them just feels me with anxiety and dread. I raised my kid and only had one cause I just didn't want to have to deal with any more kids. Some people are just not kid people, it's strange how society thinks we should be enamored with kids, especially if they are related to you. Some people feel like they've raised their own children and now they don't want to live their lives. But I had uninvolved GPs and don't really feel like I missed out on anything.

I can't understand this and can see how it is so hurtful. My parents were so absolutely wonderful with my children. They were dead before any of mine hit the age of 20 but they have wonderful memories of them (and letters and little presents). FIL didn't really care for them. he was a difficult damaged manwhom I loved anyway. But his loss. not one of my children will ever share a memory about him with their children. I could see them naming a child after my dad.

Do your parents still expect to have a close relationship with you OP? or are they just distant in general.

My DC are 17 and 14 too.
We are not a huge family which makes ILs attitude even sadder.

Has made me even more determined to be the best GP I can when the time comes.

it's strange how society thinks we should be enamored with kids, especially if they are related to you.

Say what now? People tend to love their family members - even the young ones.

My father’s mother tried to shame me when no one was looking over my “blankie.” I was three.
She tried to shame me over my one-piece, little-girl’s swimsuit when I was eight - again, while we were alone.
She was just mean and bitter.
She favoured the two grandchildren who were redheads, like her.
I finally learned to give her a wide berth, and was never alone with her again.
Some people should never be grandparents, let alone parents. That would be my grandmother.

🤣 Of course it isn’t strange that society expects us to love children we’re related to. It’s a basic human instinct. I’m sorry if you’re lacking that but you really aren’t the norm here. It’s very typical for grandparents to love their grandchildren and shit when they don’t. That’s why the OP is upset, it’s shitty and disappointing.

Anger only hurts you OP. My mother couldn’t give two hoots about my kids, mad about my sisters dc though. I don’t waste my time thinking or worrying about it. My kids are great, crazy, fun, happy and healthy.
I think it’s important to accept that you can’t change other people, they are you they are.

My Nan was like this.
I think I met her 5 times growing up and she showed even less interest in her great grandchildren.
She went on to leave us money in her will, we would receive our inheritance so long as we attended her funeral.
Err no thanks. I was busy that day. As we're all other grandchildren and great grandchildren.

They are enjoying their own lives. YABU

it's strange how society thinks we should be enamored with kids, especially if they are related to you

Children are human beings, not an alien species! Once they’re verbal, you just talk to them and get on with them as you would an adult.

Just like adults, if you ignore them for years (until they become adults), they probably won’t like you!

@piffle123 @Cameleongirl if you think about it it's perfectly consistent (albeit sad) - they weren't really that into having children, so their children spent a lot of time with their grandparents. Now they still aren't very interested in children, so have no time for their grandchildren.

YANBU. Hope they’re not expecting family care and grandchild visits in their old age.

My dm and sd always used to take ds1 from when he was about 8wks old one nyt a week when dm was off work as they lived in a different town from me. I was 16, Ds dad took nothing to do with him neither did his family.(they have all died now) sometimes if dm had 2days off together I would get a phone call to say they were keeping him for another nyt. They now have 7gc and see all of the regularly. He see’s my bio dad on birthdays and Christmas. Ds2 stays with mil once a week since around same age and ds3 had his first sleep over their last week(14weeks, slightly older but has slept all nyt since he was born so atleast able to get a full night sleep when ds2 stays lol) ds2 just turned 3 and still wakes regularly during the night. Dp bio dad has seen ds2 when we were still in hospital n that’s been it, will know we have another ds has he has mutual friends with my sd. Your kids will be fine. That won’t miss what they never had

@Porcupineintherough Actually, my IL’s were involved parents, their children spent time with their grandmas during school holidays, etc. My two have never been invited during holidays and have never even spent a day alone with their GP’s. It’s bizarre!

• longshaddy @felulageller how is it her loss if it's something she never wanted in the first place? Just because you adore your child and probably can't imagine life without them, doesn't mean others feel the same, even family. It sounds like it's your child's loss if anything

Are you ok?"

I'm perfectly fine. I'm expressing a different perspective. People don't always behave as we'd wish them to and we can't control that. It is the child's loss for which the OP can compensate, as long as she recognises that. Saying it's the grand parents loss, when it might not be is akin to saying an unfaithful partner will come crawling back seeking forgiveness, when he patently won't. It's a situation to be acknowledged and moved on from.

People don't like this post because people don't want to admit that the world doesn't revolve around them and their children but it's entirely accurate.

Do they live far away though op? Because I live far away from my nieces and nephews and just because of life only kind of remember to ask about birthdays etc. to the outside world it would look like I don’t care, but I’d give the world to live near them and get to know them. I never thought I’d use the phrase ‘but they’ve got their own lives’, but it’s true- they have school and college and friends, my sister works long hours and then helps with local sports for the kids and then we live 4 hours away and don’t have the money to go see them (and can’t align our days anyway). So many people making assumptions about people not wanting to see kids etc but it’s not always the case

Thank you @ouch321

I believe that if this is a place people come to to get help with problems rather than sugar coated validation, then honesty is important.

No one has to like me for it of course.

When you have worked out how to let it go OP please tell me.My parents don’t care about my 2DDs. They are really great kids. I can’t help but feel a bit jealous when my colleagues and friends talk about all the things their parents do with their kids. He comes round when he knows they are at school to drop round birthday and Christmas presents. Because he doesn’t actually want to see them but he wants to seem like a doting grandparent. It’s been this way for 10 years and I still feel pretty bitter about it. I keep reminding myself that it their loss. And my kids have never actually known anything different, and don’t seem as bothered as I am!!

Well I don't much fancy having them regularly for over night stays or childcare , although I did have dgd 2 once a week for a few months until dil went back on maternity leave.

But I do see them regularly and I do love them very much. I think anyone who has no interest in their grandchildren must be a really odd and likely cold person. I'd also assume they were the same as a parent

I'm in a similar position and I've been very upset about it lately after they let us down for my twins birthday again (didn't show up after promising) . I think I'm more angry at myself for letting them hurt me again.
I guess I need to let it go and just lower my expectations but that's easier said than done. I just wish they would show a bit of interest in my childrens lives. Our hairdresser probably knows my kids more than their grandparents.

We're not talking about "the world" revolving around children; only that their grandparents ought to be at least vaguely interested in them. As it goes, the bit that struck me as unpleasant was the last line. There's nothing whatsoever to suggest that PP's parents are so wonderful that the children are missing out; that comment was purely designed to upset that particular PP.

As it goes, the bit that struck me as unpleasant was the last line. There's nothing whatsoever to suggest that PP's parents are so wonderful that the children are missing out; that comment was purely designed to upset that particular PP

No it wasn't. It was designed to suggest that op needs to compensate for the loss of that relationship

YANBU to be angry or upset about this but there is nothing you can do if this is how they are and how they feel. I’m sure they’ll come to regret it in their dotage as my paternal GP’s did / do, when they have no family support. My dads parents showed no interest in me or my siblings, made no effort to build any sort of relationship when we were younger and after we got older and tried more from our side, there was no reciprocation so we gave up. When they got to an age where they struggled more they were shocked that weren’t willing to give up time to help these people who are virtual strangers to us. I have young children and a job and limited time - I always find time for my maternal GM though and see / help her as much as I can, as we have a fantastic relationship.

I don’t feel upset about having no relationship with my dads parents, you don’t miss what you never had.

What a strange spiteful reply.