Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My friend bossy around my kids

32 replies

kirstymc11xx · 05/09/2022 15:51

I have 2 DC (aged 5 and 7) and have noticed that my friend is getting rather bossy towards them, including when I'm there and we're at my house.
Things like telling my kids they're not allowed a biscuit (I let them have biscuits as a treat, ok in moderation), telling them they're not allowed fizzy drink (I get them Fanta from time to time as a treat, certainly not every day) and other such examples.
I'm always saying "it's ok Sarah (not her real name btw), I've given them the cup of Fanta or biscuit" then she's saying how terrible such things are for their teeth and how her DC would never be allowed to drink fizzy drinks.
That causes her DC and mine to clash. Mine teases hers by saying I'm allowed but your not, or hers might tease mine about having too much sugar and getting fat/teeth rotting (none of which are even remotely on the horizon btw).
I find her a bit overbearing towards my DC. I know she means well but like just accept that I'm their parent.

OP posts:

Ilovelindor · 05/09/2022 15:54

I don't think it's very nice to give your kids things in front of her kids that you know they're not allowed. You know it causes problems so just make your kids wait until the other kids have gone home.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/09/2022 15:55

If your kids aren’t having fizzy drinks that much why is it noticeable she says no.
frankly she’s wrong to get involved in your parenting but giving a 5year old Fanta consistently enough that your friend notices isn’t right imo

GoneWithTheWine1 · 05/09/2022 15:56

Stop giving them it in front of her kids then problem solved?

You must be giving it to them more than you're saying for her to make comments.

Skinnermarink · 05/09/2022 15:57

Ok. If your know her kids won’t be allowed Fanta, why would you let yours go ahead? If you really want to give your kids Fanta (your choice but I have no idea why you would really) then give it to them another time.

The biscuit thing is a bit uptight of her but again, it’s obviously difficult for her kids to see yours freely eating biscuits when she had tighter rules on it.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/09/2022 16:00

You should be a good friend and not put her kids in a situation where they'll be jealous. Of course that'll happen.

Crazycatstory · 05/09/2022 16:00

You are in the wrong imo, giving your kids treats in front of hers when you know they aren’t allowed the same. It’s causing a totally unnecessary “them and us” situation that would easily be avoided.

She’s also right, giving that fizzy crap to small kids is unnecessary and unhealthy.

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 05/09/2022 16:04

There’s 2 issues here. 1. Your friend sounds overbearing and shouldn’t be making parenting decisions for other people’s children. 2. It’s really bad form to give your children things their friends are not allowed/can’t have. You’d avoid the children arguing over things if you simply waited til the guests had gone home.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 05/09/2022 16:11

That causes her DC and mine to clash. Mine teases hers by saying I'm allowed but your not, or hers might tease mine about having too much sugar and getting fat/teeth rotting (none of which are even remotely on the horizon btw). her children are right though whereas yours are just being spiteful.

Surtsey · 05/09/2022 16:12

Don't give your children treats in front of the other kids then.

Problem solved.

DialsMavis · 05/09/2022 16:17

Her attitude would annoy me. But, I only allow DC to have what the DC they are with are allowed, as do my friends. I thought it was unwritten rule!

I don't let mine have fizzy drinks when we are with friends who don't allow it and my friend doesnt let her DC on Roblox, Tiktok etc when mine are there.

Festoonlights · 05/09/2022 16:28

You are not aligned and not destined to be friends for long.
She has one set of values, you have another. Of course she is going to feel bad when her dc can't drink/eat what you are providing, but honestly she needs to chill out if she is going to other people's houses of course they will be offering different things. Or she can take drinks with her to your house and remind her children we don't drink fizzy drinks and say nothing to your dc.

I think she is being rude and I would not allow her to come again. Meet outside of each other's houses from now on and she can do her thing, you can do yours.
If she pulls your children up again, ask her to stop and then fade her out.

Jmommy · 05/09/2022 16:40

If we have kids visiting I ask their parents if it’s ok to serve what I plan to serve. Would never give my kid biscuits if the other parent says her kid can’t have any. Then I’d just serve fruit or so. It would be quite rude in my view to have my kid eat a treat the other one can’t have! I’m quite laid back with treats and will allow biscuits, ice cream and such quite regularly (not daily) when in a cafe of during visits or on similar occasions. I do get it why OP is annoyed though. It’s the way her friend is being bossy about it.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2022 16:43

Are you really giving your kids soda, in front of her kids, when you know they're not allowed? If so, that's really awful of you.

GoldenSpiral · 05/09/2022 16:50

Agree that it's pretty rubbish of you to give fizzy drinks and biscuits to your DC in front of children that can't have any.

FilthyforFirth · 05/09/2022 16:51

A 5 year old having fizzy drinks? I'm with her I'm afraid.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 05/09/2022 16:55

I agree with the others, this is on you. It's a bit of a dick move to give your kids things that hers aren't allowed when they are at your house. And your kids at 5 and 7 are old enough to know better than to taunt those kids that don't have what they have. These are your issues, not your friends

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 05/09/2022 16:58

And kids don't need fizzy drinks, you say you give them as a treat but in front of other kids? How much do they have?

Goldbar · 05/09/2022 16:59

I think you're both being a bit unreasonable. Presumably when you visit her house, you don't take fizzy drinks/forbidden snacks with you (that would just be rude). So in that case, there isn't an issue. And when she visits your house, can't you just offer snacks which you know her children are allowed to eat? That is what a good host would do. If you're on a day out together with the kids, you might need to compromise a bit more.

That said, her children at 5 and 7 are probably getting towards the upper end of her being able to police this so strictly... if they're going to birthday parties and playdates alone, she'll have to accept that she can't police everything and they may have the "forbidden" treats occasionally despite her rules.

BuggerationFlavouredCrisps · 05/09/2022 17:02

I think this must be a reverse. Otherwise, I wouldn't be too impressed with you either OP.

You don't give kids fizzy drinks and biscuits to wander around with and drop/eat in other people's houses. It's very rude for a start and likely to be messy.

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 05/09/2022 17:05

Ilovelindor · 05/09/2022 15:54

I have to say I agree with this and also, at 5 and 7 your kids know it's nasty to rub it into the other kids if they're not allowed.

No reason why you can't wait until they've gone home.

pictish · 05/09/2022 17:06

Handing out forbidden treats to your kids while her kids are there seems antagonistic to me. No wonder they argue over it.
If they are such a ‘rare treat’ why do they need to be indulged in it in front of them?
Or are you just oblivious?

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 05/09/2022 17:07

You don't give kids fizzy drinks and biscuits to wander around with and drop/eat in other people's houses. It's very rude for a start and likely to be messy.

The OP says "my friend is getting rather bossy towards them, including when I'm there and we're at my house."

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 05/09/2022 17:53

No, it's not on to give your kids shite in front of your friend's children if your friend's children aren't allowed them.
Yes it's your house but you can give your kids shite before or after your friend's visit.
What you allowed was goady.
And your children were being rude about it.

felulageller · 05/09/2022 18:06

Your DC's tease hers and you're not even seeing that as an issue??

Ok...

IncompleteSenten · 05/09/2022 18:10

I would just save the biscuits and fizzy drinks for when they aren't there.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread