To ask advice on living arrangements

[CrazyCatLady00]

Recently moved in with DP. I have 2DC and DP has none.
My DP thinks that bills and food etc should be 50/50. My DP earns more then me so I’m not sure if this is fair, even though technically there is 3 of us when my DC are with me and 1 of him.
As my DP physically goes out to work whereas I don’t, I seem to be expected to do all the cooking and cleaning etc. I don’t mind but I thought relationships were meant to be a partnership these days. Especially as he always goes on about equal rights and all that.
so my question is AIBU expecting my DP to contribute with housework if we are going halves on everything else money wise?

@Pinkdelight3 sorry I replied to the wrong person.

I'm not convinced that the balance of work hours are hugely relevant here though. They aren't merged as a family, or financially. If the OP is expected to pay 50% even though her DP is earning more, then the DP should be expected to DO 50% of the work, even if the OP has more time.

He shouldn't get to pick and choose when it's got to be equal, and when they should muck in together as a team.

When my dp moved in, he knew he would be helping to provide financially for my 4 children that are not his. I do work but I also did get a top up from uc and never would have survived without it. Him moving in meant I wouldn’t receive the top up, as he earns 4 times more than me. So yeah, now we live together we do about 70/30 money wise, him being the 70 obviously, but I do more of the house stuff and childcare, probably 70/30 with me doing 70% of house and childcare. This works for us.

so I think it’s wrong he isn’t expected to contribute to your kids just because they arnt his… he chose to take them on. That’s my opinion.

I have also lost my UC allowance due to living with a partner. So I was actually financially better off when I was a single parent.
I do also believe that he should contribute towards the DP as he took us all on (and suggested living together) as you then become a family unit.

But surely your also benefiting from having half the costs covered?

Bigger house = higher bills. Not really

Go back to work full time.

It really depends on how much more he earns than you

Oh jeez, why didn’t I think of that one 🙄

I also think you're getting a good deal.

DH moved in with me when DCs were teenage. He paid one third and I paid two thirds of the bills. My mortgage only had a few years to run so I kept paying that. Both DCs had adult appetites, and kept the house like an oven. So even at a third contribution he was probably subsidising them!

They also created far more mess than he did so no way would I have expected him to do 50% of the chores. Surely if your DCs are secondary school they should also be contributing to chores? Mine were certainly expected to but often failed to live up to these expectations

It’s not equal though. He’s paying 50% of the bill of 4 people. And he’s only 1 person

OP,
So you are down money, living in a larger house, so larger utilities, more to clean and maintain, pay half the bills and do everything else by the sounds of it.

Doesn't sound like a great deal to me.
Do your teens help?

Cooking every meal, 7 days a week is not on.

Be glad you haven't married.
I fail to see the advantages for you.

Take this time to figure out if this is really what you want.

You seem annoyed and petulant that some posters feel you’re taking the piss. You clearly want to take whatever you can from your partner, so just see what he’s happy with, and what he’ll put up with. Peoples opinions here aren’t really relevant.

Your partners willingness to subsidise you and your kids is the only relevance here. Although I think their dad’s involvement IS relevant, as he should be taking some of the financial burden of the children.

"I’d be equally generous around the house, and do a bit more than 50% as you’re at home more than him*
But presumably she is working while at home so she doesn't necessarily have more time

You and your DC are home more than he is so presumably creating more housework. How much of the 95% you think you do is just for him or is it mostly to benefit the 3 of you? Apart from a meal a weekend what do you want him to do? You’re pt so have more free time but if you think it’s really then just tell him.

My DP thinks that bills and food etc should be 50/50

Move back out again sharpish.

Agree how costs and chores will be shared long before you move in together.

Sorry you are being messed around.

If you're working part-time you could make double portions on two of your quiet days so that you have two meals for the weekend. That would give you both the weekend off. Get your kids to get involved with the chores as well between four of you, you can all clean a communal room each week. But if he's earning more and you're splitting things fifty fifty what is he doing with his excess cash whilst you do all the chores? Because otherwise he is benefiting from you doing all the housework and having someone to split costs with.

She works half the hours that he does.

Why are your DC not contributing towards the housework, making meals etc?
They're old enough to do their share!
There are four of you living there - everyone should be capable of making at least one meal for the family every week.
Presumably you want your teens to be capable adults, and learn essential life skills like by eg doing their own laundry, vacuuming, helping to clean the bathroom etc?