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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidaying with mum

32 replies

HandbagsnGladrags · 05/09/2022 07:19

I realise this is a bit of a first world problem but bear with, I need to vent.

Am on holiday with my 73yo mum, all inclusive, nice hotel, not that big. She seems to have reverted to child mode, can't remember where anything is, it's like I'm steering a toddler around. We've been here two days and the place really isn't that big. It's like she thinks she doesn't have to remember anything as I'm here to do everything.

Where are the toilets? Same place they were an hour ago. On repeat.

Also she defers to whatever drink option I'm having. Every single time. I don't know why this annoys me but it does. Have a mind of your own, woman!

Help me with coping strategies please to save me from resorting to all of the gin.

Semi light-hearted, if you hadn't already guessed.

OP posts:
KyaClark · 05/09/2022 07:23

Tequila.

Even for breakfast.

She won't want to copy you. You won't remember where the toilets are.

Win/win.

MonkNun · 05/09/2022 07:28

I’d be very creative with the drink choices.

Creme de Menthe and Baileys.

Liquorice Gin and Diet Coke.

You get the idea.

KangarooKenny · 05/09/2022 07:30

Is there any chance that she’s not coping as she’s out of her comfort zone ?
A lot of people with memory loss, which wouldn’t be unusual at her age, can’t cope in new places. They are able to mask at home.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 05/09/2022 07:32

KangarooKenny · 05/09/2022 07:30

Is there any chance that she’s not coping as she’s out of her comfort zone ?
A lot of people with memory loss, which wouldn’t be unusual at her age, can’t cope in new places. They are able to mask at home.

She's having a whale of a time and she's completely compos mentis. I think she just thinks that I'll do all of the thinking.

OP posts:
Neolara · 05/09/2022 07:33

Instead of being annoyed, I'd consider being concerned. Not being able to remember where the toilet is may be a sign of mild cognitive decline.

mdh2020 · 05/09/2022 07:37

I took my mother away when she was that age and I realise she was just the same. She always expected her husband to organise everything and I think she transferred her expectations on to me. Looking back, she made herself old before she really was.

ninjafoodienovice · 05/09/2022 08:35

My DM is a similar age. Same story. She absolutely loves not having to think about anything when I'm with her. She can go on line perfectly well but saves all shopping for me to do 'as I'm quicker' as well as all sorts of decisions about house insurance etc etc I feel your pain, it's quite wearing

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 05/09/2022 10:49

KyaClark · 05/09/2022 07:23

Tequila.

Even for breakfast.

She won't want to copy you. You won't remember where the toilets are.

Win/win.

😂 Tempted! But I bloody hate tequila

OP posts:
GoneWithTheWine1 · 05/09/2022 10:56

Are you sure she's not developing dementia?

It did make me laugh sorry op something you'd expect on Benidorm 😂

FrozenGhost · 05/09/2022 11:07

Oh dear, this would drive me bonkers. It's bad enough when I get take away with my DH. "What do you want?" "Oh just get two of whatever you're having." 🙄🙄🙄🙄

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/09/2022 11:10

I imagine you being a bit like Noreen Maltby and her daughter from Benidorm!
My dm always used to complain about my nan being like this on "girls holidays". The funny thing is my dm is now like this when she is with us. She has always been a tough, independent lady, a leader really, but with Covid knocking her social confidence and a couple of heath issues lately I've seen a big change.
Some of this generation seem to loose confidence as they get older and need to be looked after. Certainly with my nan she always had grandad to look after her, and wasn't used to being independent. Its a shame.
Its 5 o'clock somewhere op! 🍸

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 05/09/2022 11:13

@PutinIsAWarCriminal well it's lunchtime here and I have 🍺

OP posts:
Jericha · 05/09/2022 11:28

No advice from me I'm afraid but sympathies, my mum is a decade younger but was exactly the same when we went to an overseas city together. Despite the fact I'd never been before I was expected to know where everything was, how to get there and the best food and drink to order. This child like behaviour interestingly didn't stop her from managing to be demanding and rude to waitresses though (very embarrassing, we won't be going away together again!).

maddiemookins16mum · 05/09/2022 11:29

OMG, you’ve just taken me back 20 years.

Disscombobulated · 05/09/2022 11:36

I totally get this - my FIL is exactly the same! I think that by allowing this behaviour we are enabling, but DH doesn't agree...

HikingBoots · 05/09/2022 11:59

When asked about preferences, my mum's stock response is "Oh it doesn't matter either way to me, I'm easy".

But she's so NOT easy, it's laughable!!

KimberleyClark · 05/09/2022 12:02

HikingBoots · 05/09/2022 11:59

When asked about preferences, my mum's stock response is "Oh it doesn't matter either way to me, I'm easy".

But she's so NOT easy, it's laughable!!

Remind me of my late in laws. They thought of themselves as easy going “we’ll go with the crowd, us” - but they so weren’t.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/09/2022 12:08

My mil is like this. When at home she’s bossing me and dh about the place, thinks herself a proper domestic goddess, tells me off for only having two nappies with me for Dd (so disorganized she always had a load of spares of everything at all times when her kids were small! Apparently!) When out she literally asks me if she should go to the toilet or not. And wants me to tell her where they are / walk her to them. Also can’t open an electric window in the car? Weirdly she is 73. I think it’s a mild decline in memory, not dementia or anything, just lockdown has sort of made her slightly inept as she did nothing for 18 months.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 05/09/2022 12:45

'We' decided we'd come to the beach this afternoon. Mum: 'that sounds nice, I'll go with the flow' Get here and she's complaining that it's hotter than by the pool. That pool which is a whole 200 metres away 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 06/09/2022 11:54

Today's installment for those who are still interested / reading. Mum: orders way too much lunch. Then when it arrives says 'oof I can't possibly eat all that, you'll have to eat some for me Handbags' ....OR you could just leave it!!!

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 06/09/2022 12:00

I feel your pain! I went with DM on holiday in June and it started with her saying that the holiday was already relaxing as she got on the plane as it was all just so easy. Well yes it would be for her, she had not booked the holiday, booked parking, driven in the middle of the night to get to airport, printed boarding passes, organised insurance, you get my drift!! Half way through she then asked if a gin at 11 am was appropriate, no not really but very much needed!! We did have a good time really but I am not sure I will rush to do it again!! Enjoy your holiday!

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 09/09/2022 13:01

Coming home tomorrow.... We ran out of conversation about 3 days ago. Would get on a flight now if I could!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/09/2022 13:08

I've been drawn to your thread, Handbags as I'm planning to take my mother on a cruise next year to see the Northern Lights. She's difficult. My husband gets on better with her, they have similar interests. I plan to leave them to it and go to the gym, sit (very far away) with a book and just enjoy myself.

My mum's exactly like you've described. Perfectly capable but reverts to childish behaviour. So, so annoying!

What are you doing on your last day? Have you managed any time to yourself?

Staggersaurus · 09/09/2022 13:15

I think you’ve accidentally gone on holiday with my mum. Sending you gin and the patience of a saint!

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 09/09/2022 13:15

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe sadly not, I just feel like she needs me there all the time. I've snuck off to phone my daughter and husband a few times but other than that we're literally together 24/7. Mealtimes are painful, she looks at me expectantly to start the conversation but I've got nothing left to say and conversations with her are hard - very one way.

I feel terrible saying it but I'm not doing it again.

OP posts: