Is this violence/domestic abuse or just drunkenness?

[Teapot1990]

DPs birthday. Went out at 4.30pm, pub, football mates house, home at 11pm in a good mood. Proceeded to stay up til 7am despite me encouraging him to come to bed at midnight after opening his presents.

Woke me, baby and dog up several times in the night then when we came down at 7am he woke up having passed out on the sofa about 6am.

He woke up, I commented this is why he should have come to bed with me at a sensible time. He proceeded to shove into me in the kitchen with all his might. When I asked why he did that he slammed the fridge door with an angry look on his face. I left immediately in my PJs with the baby and the dog as I sensed he was being a bad drunk.

Came home about an hour later to collect some clothes and nappies and he's passed out on the sofa, the pram is thrown across the dining room, a tin of dog biscuits across the lounge, and broken glass from a smashed bottle in the kitchen.

Aibu - drunkeness
Ainbu - violence /domestic abuse

Get the hell away from him. Never look back

Domestic violence.

I think you know the answer, you knew to run with the baby and dog
im so sorry :(

He sounds great.

It’s domestic violence. Please leave.

I'm so sorry you went through that.

Well done you on getting yourself and your child out of that dangerous environment.

He proceeded to shove into me in the kitchen with all his might. When I asked why he did that he slammed the fridge door with an angry look on his face. I left immediately in my PJs with the baby and the dog as I sensed he was being a bad drunk.

he assaulted you. Then he put you in fear of being further assaulted. You fled the house in your pjs and you didn't think he was safe to leave with the dog. Like listen to that ... you wouldn't have trusted him not to hurt a dog.

I haven't voted because it hardly matters why. He shoved you. He put you in fear of your safety, your child's safety and your dog's safety.

You know exactly what is reasonable here. you have a very strong instinct telling you what is acceptable or not. What is safe or not. Listen to that, not the other voice that is saying "ah well he was just drunk". Drunk guys who shove their wives and scare them are abusive drunk guys.

This is dreadful. I’d suggest you seek advice from Womens Aid about how to get out safely.

Why didn't you call the police? He needs to go, permanently. Alcohol is no excuse for this.

It’s domestic violence. Please don’t take your child or dog back, you need to protect yourself as well as your child and animals OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Also, please don’t let him talk you back into returning, no matter how much he apologies this could escalate over the years if you return and he thinks his behaviour will be excused by an apology.

Domestic violence does not stop being domestic violence because someone has been drinking. The alcohol is irrelevant - just as it would be irrelevant if he’d, eg, glassed a stranger in the pub. Drunkenness is never, EVER an excuse for aggression. Ever.

He has assaulted you and trashed your house - and the fact that he specifically chose things associated with the baby and the dog to wreck is a MASSIVE danger sign. I am seriously begging you to leave him immediately.

When he wakes up he will grovel and
apologise and claim he doesn’t remember what happened and he will promise it won’t happen again. Do not listen to him. It will happen again. You, your baby and your dog or not safe with him. Call Women’s Aid.

This is absolutely domestic violence and will only escalate.
You should be super proud of yourself for getting out of there but I wouldn't go back. He either needs to leave or collect you things and those if your baby and stay with family or friends. Really
Hope you have some support?
I would also suggest logging the incident with the police in case he's angry when the relationship ends x

Probably not having the confidence, thinking a shove isn't enough for them to take me serious

Op you know the answer, are you safe?

I always feel like if somebody is asking if it is DV then it most likely is

This is awful, my stomach dropped at the thought of him doing this, especially when you have a baby (not that it's ever okay but that detail makes it particularly worrying). Sorry you're going through this.

What everyone else said. Get out now 💔

He is going to claim it was the booze. It doesn’t matter. Even if he only does this when he drinks, he still did it.

you did the right thing by leaving the immediate situation. The next step is harder, but you can do it. When you start to waiver, think about the fact that you don’t want your baby’s first memories to be one of these episodes.

It's domestic violence and unacceptable. We're you previously aware of your husbands cocaine use?

*were

Have you spoken to him since?

So sorry, this is abuse.

You did absolutely the right thing to grab baby and dog and bolt. That must have taken some strength.

I think your next step should be to get him arrested for assault. Once he's out the house, get the locks changed and ask the Police to inform him that you consider him to be a safeguarding risk to the baby.

Good luck, you are doing the right thing.

My thought also, especially staying up so so so long despite having been out since the afternoon.

I hope you stay safe OP. Tell someone in real life and do not be alone with him.

Is this the first time this has happened? Is there other behaviour that concerns you ?

Either way, it’s domestic violence. So sorry this has happened. If he’s done it once, he’ll do it again.

The fact you had to leave says it all.
Don’t excuse his behaviour by saying he’s a bad drunk. Drunk or sober, no one should treat you like this.

I’d get out while you can before things escalate even more.

He will be apologetic and probably love bomb you or make out it was your fault ( gas lighting ). Don’t fall for it please. That’s a ploy to get you back.

You and your baby deserve better than this.
Contact womens aid please, they’ll advise from here.

Are you safe op ?

This is absolutely domestic abuse. I’m so sorry OP. Huge well done for getting out of the situation with your baby and dog, and please do make plans to leave permanently. Are you safe now?

Thank you everyone for the support, it's been an eye opener to behaviour I might previously have dismissed. I am safe, I'm lucky to have very supportive family nearby.