Is this violence/domestic abuse or just drunkenness?

[Teapot1990]

DPs birthday. Went out at 4.30pm, pub, football mates house, home at 11pm in a good mood. Proceeded to stay up til 7am despite me encouraging him to come to bed at midnight after opening his presents.

Woke me, baby and dog up several times in the night then when we came down at 7am he woke up having passed out on the sofa about 6am.

He woke up, I commented this is why he should have come to bed with me at a sensible time. He proceeded to shove into me in the kitchen with all his might. When I asked why he did that he slammed the fridge door with an angry look on his face. I left immediately in my PJs with the baby and the dog as I sensed he was being a bad drunk.

Came home about an hour later to collect some clothes and nappies and he's passed out on the sofa, the pram is thrown across the dining room, a tin of dog biscuits across the lounge, and broken glass from a smashed bottle in the kitchen.

Aibu - drunkeness
Ainbu - violence /domestic abuse

You are a victim of domestic abuse. I’m really sorry you have had to go through that.
He has a problem with drink. This will get worse, you have to separate.

You the baby or the dog don’t deserve to be at the mercy of his moods due to drink or otherwise.

no such thing as just drunk when it comes to abuse

He called me at 9pm to apologise, very sheepish, I had been wondering why he took so long to call.

It did cross my mind, his excuse is that he's worked a couple of night shifts this week (Thurs and Fri night) be he heard it slept after the last night shift so to, he should have been exhausted..

Sorry for the typos, *but he hardly slept after the last night shift so to me he should have been exhausted

There is no excuse
don’t get caught up in making any he could have seriously hurt any of you

I dated someone who was only abusive when drunk and so I didn’t take it that seriously, looking back I obviously know now how wrong it is and drinking is no excuse. My guess is he’s not violent with his friends when drunk, so it’s not like he’s this out of control lunatic who doesn’t know what he’s doing, he knows what he’s doing and wanted to take his anger out on you.

There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour, drunk or not. I would find it very hard to get past this, someone who can behave like that once will do it again at some stage. Next time you may not be lucky enough to get you and your child away safely.

I think you did the right thing but walking straight out of the door to keep you and your baby safe. Best to stay away from now on and find a new path for your life as you will never know when he will do it again.

Being drunk and tired is no excuse for that behaviour and you will never know when it will happen again. Dh has been drunk a few times in the 25 years we’ve been together but never has he been violent to me.

I wonder why he took so long to contact you to apologise?

He’s an abusive drunk who should be nowhere near you or baby or the poor dog. No excuse.

OP be in no doubt this is domestic abuse I'm so sorry. But well done for getting yourself and baby out safely.
I hope you've got some support and can see he's assaulted you today. You escaped today- don't hang around for repeats it never gets better.
Women's Aid would be a great call for you to make. I hope you're okay x

DV without a doubt. You knew to take baby and dog away and his trashing their stuff shows you were right. If you continue with the relationship, him giving up drink should be non negotiable..

Glad you are safe op but sorry you are going through this.

From experience, give yourself at least a week off from comms from him. You know he’s alive and that’s all you need to know right now. Use family and friends as a barricade, if he’s been using drugs as well he’s likely to go on a “woe is me I’m just a shit person” Seratonin dip for a while and you don’t need that added to the mix of everything else you’re dealing with.

If you can afford to, grab a cheap Nokia and PAYG sim and use that for family and friends, hand the other phone over (let the battery die) to a trusted relative and don’t look at it for at least a week.

Stay safe and lean on your family, you’re in my thoughts.

Hate to ask but how did he manage to stay up drinking from 4.30pm to 7am without some 'assistance'
Please get away from him

Sorry OP this sounds awful ☹️
I hope you, baby and pooch are ok ❤️
I don't like the sound of this.
My DH has had a couple of rare nights on the booze with his works mates, he comes home shitfaced but all cheery, giggly and then proceeds to be sick, goes to bed and is hungover the following day.
He would NEVER act like this around me and the baby,or the dog!

I know your DP will be all sorry the day after, but alcohol alone is no excuse to treat a woman, never mind a new mum like this, with a baby in the house!
I think there's more to it. Cocaine as another PP suggested is probably the truth to be honest.
He's gone out and let his hair down for his birthday fair enough , but he's took it too far and he needs to know, he needs putting in his place. I would take the advice other PP recommended regarding a break from him with no contact. Make him sweat. Make him realise what he has done and what he could potentially lose, and then YOU make your mind up. But only you know him and if this is the beginning of the 'norm' behaviour from him then I'm sorry, but just leave. Please.

Disgusting man

So glad you've got your family OP.
He's a nasty drunk and I'm glad you got straight out of there.
Stay safe and good luck in the future.
There's no excuse for his behaviour.

I'd leave him for good, I'd bet 100% it wasn't just drink, he'd taken drugs too, to be up all those hours and so aggressive. X

Who are the 2% who think this isn't domestic abuse? Please phone Women's Aid. They are fantastic. They helped me realise that my ex husband was abusing me through the Courts system in Ireland. Sometimes just hearing it from someone else is an eye opener. Remember if you are doubting yourself it's usually because deep down you know what he's done is wrong. And here's my second ever ltb.

A drunk is an abuser or a burden, being drunk doesn’t excuse the abusive behaviour. Don’t put your kid through that kind of life.

YANBU. Please keep yourself and your son/daughter safe from that shit.

Booze and obvious drug use. Lethal combination. Stay away from him