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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think money isn't everything?

45 replies

HappyKoala56 · 04/09/2022 22:08

My DH has been struggling with a decision and asked my advice, now I'm wondering if my advice was reasonable. Please help.

Background is he has been working part time for two employers pretty much since covid. Carrying on this way isn't practical for him or either employer who both want him to join full time.

Option 1 - is in line with his training and general career path. Has great facilities for the work involved and would be a varied and exciting role. Money aside he thinks he would be most happy in this job. Offer is £60k which is enough for us to be comfortable. Share options would also be a factor but very unsure of the financial benefit.

Option 2 - is related to the industry he works in, but not what he is trained to do. He has found that he is good at the job, but is more office based rather than hands on. To take this job would probably mean turning his back on the work he has trained to do and loves forever as it would be hard to go back with a gap in experience, and he may find it physically challenging to return. He wouldn't have self-fulfillment here, it would be 'just a job'. Offer is £60k plus a sizeable bonus, likely 75% of his annual salary.

Both have similar career progression options. After weighing everything up I suggested he take option 1. We can absolutely live on that wage and his happiness is more important. However I've come away and started wondering about what we would be turning down for the children. They will be off to uni potentially in the next 5 years and a sizeable bonus would really help them! As it would to help them get on the property ladder etc, or just generally to give them better holidays or more family outings.

YABU - think about the wider family, take the money option 2
YANBU - you can live comfortably with option 1 and DH's happiness should come first as he's the one doing the work

OP posts:
HollaHolla · 04/09/2022 22:11

Happiness is so much more than cash. If you’ve enough to live on, go with the job satisfaction route.

1stTimeMama · 04/09/2022 22:36

My husband left his life long career last year, and has struggled to find anything else he'd enjoy doing. He found work eventually, but it means he works abroad for most of the year. Any job he might be able to get in our local area would pay pittance in comparison, and so he's taking the hit on job satisfaction, and we're all sacrificing time together so he can do this for a few years to enable us to build up a pot of money. This means a bigger house, which is needed, and funds to put by for the children if and when they are required.
No, money isn't everything, but it makes everything else a heck of a lot easier.

SavoirFlair · 04/09/2022 22:37

“ Money isn’t everything “ is the refrain of those who are destined to be poor. I’m not having it .

Fivemoreminutesinbed · 04/09/2022 22:40

SavoirFlair · 04/09/2022 22:37

“ Money isn’t everything “ is the refrain of those who are destined to be poor. I’m not having it .

Or those who have enough money.

SaggyBlinders · 04/09/2022 22:43

Money isn't everything, but having 'enough' of it does give you choices about how to spend it/your time, help to solve a lot of life's problems and make it better in general.

How old is he and when does he want to retire?

I'd take option 2, if it were me, with a 5 year plan and how I would invest the extra money to allow me to retire at say 60.

declutteringmymind · 04/09/2022 22:45

I think you mean 'extra money above the minimum required for a half decent standard of living' isn't everything.

You are lucky you have a choice.

I've taken up extra work this year despite not needing to because this opportunity is one that I was planning to look for in about 3 years time. It's come up early so I've decided to take it and bank any savings and retire a few years earlier if possible.

So it's a decision that will contribute to my longer term happiness rather than my immediate happiness.

Have you factored these things in? The extra money now might give you better options in the future.

Can DH go back to his old role or similar if it doesn't work out? If so it seems like a no brainier to at least try the newer role.

Kite22 · 04/09/2022 22:46

I've voted YANBU. I think you spend too much of your life at work to choose a route that you know you won't be as happy in.

But it will depend on all sorts of things - £60K sounds a HUGE salary to me, but I don't know what you earn, or what your mortgage is, or what other debts or savings you have, or how expensive your tastes are or how many dc you have or if your house is big enough or how old you are or anything. All of which feed in to decisions like this.

PlanetNormal · 04/09/2022 22:49

YANBU.

I work to live. Always have, always will. As long as you are financially comfortable, money definitely isn’t everything.

Sswhinesthebest · 04/09/2022 22:49

I don’t think you can advise. It needs to be totally his decision. He would be the one whose life/work satisfaction would be impacted, therefore he really shouldn’t be influenced in either direction. There lies the route to resentment.

Tell him you are fine with either decision, but it needs to be his choice.

Theyellowshorts · 04/09/2022 22:50

SavoirFlair · 04/09/2022 22:37

“ Money isn’t everything “ is the refrain of those who are destined to be poor. I’m not having it .

Nonsense. There is a point of diminished returns with money. The effort and cost you need to put into earn it isn't worth the extra you'd earn.

DH is a HGV driver with the local authority and lots of his colleagues have jumped ship in the last 18 months in favour of the higher wages. Yet all have come back to the council. Because the perks they lost weren't worth the extra money. We discussed DH moving, but by the time we factored in the childcare costs, losing his current annual leave entitlement and missing out on time with the kids, it wasn't worth it.

And yes we are in a privileged enough position to make that decision, rather than needed the extra income to keep a roof over out heads.

Dox9 · 04/09/2022 22:51

How likely is that bonus? Does he want to retire early?
I would personally go with the job I like better but I don't need extra money and have no plans to retire early.

abovedecknotbelow · 04/09/2022 22:52

Money gives you choices, gives your children choices.

RoutineLow · 04/09/2022 22:54

There's no way DH or I would choose the £60k job. Whilst it's lovely to be happy at work, work is not life. And £105k would open up real opportunities for us and the kids. The ability to travel. To save for our future and more importantly theirs. To not have to worry at all about the spiralling costs of everything. To have experiences that £60k just can't provide.

Lunar270 · 04/09/2022 22:55

I'm lucky that I have a job I love, which gives me and my family the finances to live comfortably. However, I would sacrifice a bit of job satisfaction for the benefit of my family.

Is he the main earner in the family?

My wife would always advise on the happiness route, which is totally valid. However, if you're used to being the main earner then there can be different priorities and the welfare of my family would take precedence over my happiness. But that would only work if the other job had at least some merit. I couldn't do a job I hated, irrespective of the salary.

A bonus of 75% is pretty good though.

Hawkins001 · 04/09/2022 22:55

Firstly whichever role offers more job security, then choose the highest and potential return, then look at ways for legal tax relief.

Mollymoofer · 04/09/2022 22:59

Number 1 every time. Not everyone is fortunate enough to make a living doing something they love. It’s ‘exciting, varied, enough to be comfortable’ - he’d be mad to walk away from that. You only have one life in which to be happy. It doesn’t sound as though your children are going to be exactly impoverished and I bet they’d take happy, fulfilled parents over a bit of a leg up any day of the week.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 05/09/2022 06:38

Thanks everyone for your input. To answer a few questions, he has about 25 working years before he plans to retire. I do work also - currently part time but looking to go full time in the next year. He would still be the bread winner but I don't earn bad money. We have a fairly secure retirement plan in process unaffected by our work. I'm not making the decision for him, he asked my advice as the choice is playing on his mind alot and he feels stuck between a rock and a hard place. Bonus is very likely in option 2. We do have a mortgage but again manageable. Our house isn't huge but we have no plans to move, even with extra money, as it's plenty big enough for us and love our area.

OP posts:
Mummadeze · 05/09/2022 06:42

i would definitely go with option 1. 25 years is a long time to not enjoy his job. If you are planning to go full time, maybe your career will develop more and the extra money will come from you. Job satisfaction is so important.

Oysterbabe · 05/09/2022 06:49

I hate my job with the power of a thousand suns. If we could afford for me to take a big drop in salary I'd be out of there like a shot looking for a new field.

PeonyRose80 · 05/09/2022 06:52

I would go option 1. In times of recession the bonus will be the first thing to go.
Plus I also went for the role with more money rather than what I loved and now regret it.

MuggleMe · 05/09/2022 06:56

Career satisfaction or lack of will impact on your life way more than what the extra can bring. You're there for 2/3 of your time for years on end.

Don't sacrifice your and your DH happiness for the children.

Willbe2under2 · 05/09/2022 07:00

I'd go for the £60k job - my DH changed careers a couple of years ago and basically halved his salary and is so much happier now. He went back and forth on the decision for ages but ultimately made the right decision.

RoutineLow · 05/09/2022 07:07

I also think that without a big helping hand in the form of a very large inheritance or big financial gift from mum and dad, kids nowadays simply will not ever own a property. That's already the reality for many in their 20's and 30's right now. I know that not everyone sees the value in owning property but having paid £1000+ per month for years on end to clear someone else's mortgage so they have a valuable asset and all the freedom and financial security that brings, I can tell you that it feels much more secure and productive to now be paying half of that amount towards my own mortgage. I would 100% prioritise securing my children's future if I had the opportunity to do so and (controversially to some) I do think that parents have a responsibility to look after their children's future, which sometimes involves a bit of sacrifice.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/09/2022 07:11

Option 1

Life is short & unpredictable. If you can make enough doing whatever you enjoy do that. The bonus may or may not happen. Might be a different decision if it was two guaranteed salaries.

Suzi888 · 05/09/2022 07:23

Option 1. The bonus doesn’t sound like it’s guaranteed. You spend a hell of a lot of your life in work, too much to be unhappy. Who knows what opportunities Option 1 may bring in the future. £60k is still a nice salary.

I earn a good (imo good) salary. I hate my job, it sucks the life out of me. But what I would really love to do is ridiculously low paid, also would involve working weekends and as DH works most weekends it just wouldn’t be fair on DD.